Becoming Whole
by stupid shiny volvo driver
Summary: After New Moon, before 1st chap. of Eclipse. AU. Bella's journey with Edward to becoming whole, mending the emptiness within herself and controling her awesome power. Rated 'M' for extreme romance, sex and GOSH SAKES! They are VAMPIRES!
1. Chapter 1 Noise

Chapter One

_**Disclaimer:** All the characters appearing in this work are copyright Stephenie Meyer and are not used with permission. No infringement of these copyrights is intended, and all original characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No financial gain is being made by this work. Quotes taken directly from Stephenie Meyer's work are in italics. No copyright infringement is intended by the use of these quotes._

_**This is a companion fanfic to 'The Dark Dance of Temptation'.** This fanfic, is in Bella's POV, and runs parallel to TDDOT although, not from the last line of 'New Moon'. There are a lot of details in this fanfic that are not in TDDOT because Bella was not with Edward every second of every day. So, if you have read 'The Dark Dance of Temptation' and suddenly feel as though you're reading the same story, but from a different perspective... you are._

_Eternal thanks to s'blue, (somethingblue on the Lex and the Host), who joined me as my beta reader at chapter 13 of TDDOT. Thank you so much for putting up with my seemingly endless changes, your inspired suggestions, your willingness to go back over both this fanfic and the beginning of TDDOT and help me correct all those pesky mistakes. Your encouragement is appreciated more than I can ever say!_

Noise

We had finally reached the last week of school. YES!! Only one more day and I would be walking up to the podium to receive my diploma. Alice said the sun would be out in full force so they wouldn't be attending. It was hard to believe since it was pouring outside and had been all week.

I had worked my butt off and had gotten straight A's; of course Edward got all A's, and my SAT scores were great. Edward actually tried to not score so high, but still scored within the top two percent of the country. He did tons of research into different universities and colleges and came up with a final list. He sent out, God only knows, how many applications that I filled out at my kitchen table, reminding me that when and if he changes me, eternal life gets really boring if you don't have a plan. I was afraid Edward still had the idea that I would be going to college before anything else happened, but, before I would go to any college, Edward and I had a few things to take care of, one being, getting married, (I never actually said the word 'yes', but he has always known I would …eventually). It was part of the bargain, my part. The second was his wedding gift to me, not that he ever thought of it as a gift, making me immortal, and the third is taking a nice long honeymoon. That's my plan.

With my great grades and excellent behavior, Charlie had let up on most of the restrictions, (I'm not allowed to ride any kind of motorcycle yet though). He had finally accepted the fact that Edward and I are madly, truly and hopelessly in love and totally devoted to each other. Well, that and the fact that he had a long chat with Esme.

I guess Edward had been sulking at home after the crazy restrictions Charlie had applied. After Jacob told Charlie about my dirt bike day, my life was pretty miserable. Well, except for all our little secret rendezvous'. So, Esme intervened and made a few promises of her own to Charlie. Besides, he had no chance against her charm. And so, he became fully aware of our plans of getting married and lifted my restrictions.

Edward hadn't been at school the whole week and not because of the weather, but because the student body excitement level was more than he could stand. He had to concentrate so hard on blocking out the voices that it made him really grumpy. I didn't blame him at all, besides he wouldn't be participating in the graduation ceremony anyway, so why bother being there. They had made the excuse that they were going out of town for a couple of weeks due to some family situation.

Just a few weeks ago, he had remarked on someone's thoughts to me. It became a huge discussion about whether he should share that sort of information or not. I had asked him, if he knew someone was going to hurt someone else, wouldn't he try to intervene? He told me "only if it involves saving you." Otherwise, no, he would not. He had already done the "God" thing.

Nevertheless, it had reminded him of who he is and what he had done in the past. He fell into a deep depression for a while and not being able to spend any time with me outside of school or when I was even awake for any length of time, didn't help his sulky mood. He did find little ways to be with me though. I never knew when he would appear out of nowhere to cover my face with kisses, touch my face with his icy fingers, or just plain dazzle me with his smile.

I made every excuse to go into the backyard, take out the trash, or anything just to get out even for 2 minutes, long enough for Edward to steal my breath away. It was almost worth being on restriction.

But, I guess he was getting carried away with all that time on his hands and his daydreams were traveling into dangerous territory. That's when Esme talked with Charlie and convinced him we were seriously talking about college and marriage, among other things. Edward's depression lifted and we have been gloriously happy since then.

I missed not having him by my side throughout the day, but he had warned me. Near the end of every school year, he would check himself out, usually due to an illness, he would then finish out his finals at home. The rest of the Cullen family would leave shortly after, but their departure was usually because of the weather. The only reason he was able to stay in school so long this time was because I was such a pleasant distraction.

Unfortunately, the ceaseless babble at school was more than he could handle. The random gossip of who was in love with who, which college people where planning to attend, the nasty back-stabbing among so-called friends and one day in the cafeteria he just blurted out "pregnant?"

I told him "I don't even want to go there." He decided at that moment it was time for him to leave.

We went to the office and he signed himself out with the excuse that he was suffering from a migraine. He even snapped at poor Mrs. Cope, which surprised the heck out of me! In the parking lot, I had asked him what it was all about and he replied, "That woman had a filthy mind". Apparently, she had been wondering if we were sleeping together, which gave me a good laugh. God, if she only knew!

The noise level in the gym was getting to me also. The only way to get a break from all the noise was to go outside or take a bathroom break. Because of the rain, we had been practicing for the ceremony in the gym all week. With a senior class this small, you would think the teachers could get these guys organized!

Everyone was on edge because the warm summer rains. The humidity just made me feel sweaty and gross. In Phoenix it was a nice hot 112'F with maybe 10 percent humidity. At least the teacher's left the doors open so we could get some fresh air, but it didn't do much good when you already felt as if a warm wet towel was stuck to your face.

Yearbooks had been distributed at lunch and they gave us a half an hour free time before we had to go through practice one more time. I had been sitting on the bleachers with Angela watching everyone run around like crazy getting their book signed and hugging and kissing each other as if they would never see one another again.

In my case, that was very true. I didn't bother buying a yearbook. After I joined Edward's family, become one of their kind, a vampire, it would only serve as a reminder of what I left behind and I didn't plan to ever look back.

I looked through Angela's yearbook, but only for the sake of trying to find a picture of me, Edward or Alice. I was the only one of us to have senior portraits taken and only because Charlie and Renée insisted. I picked the smallest possible package that consisted of an 8X10 for Renée and a 5X7 for Charlie, to go along with all the other 5X7's he had framed of me.

Angela leaned over to me, "I think Tyler wants you to sign his yearbook."

I looked into the crowd and there was Tyler Crowley trying _not_ to look at me. The second he caught me looking his way he looked everywhere but at me.

Poor Tyler, he was such a goof.

I leaned over to Angela and asked, "Do you think that's all he wants?"

"Well, if it wasn't for him almost killing you, you may never have gotten together with your hero, the man of your wildest dreams, your savior, your knight in shining…"

"Okay! I get it!" We were both laughing. "Well, I guess I'd better go sign his yearbook." I stood and started carefully down the bleachers when I heard Angela yell behind me.

"Bella, give him a kiss for me!"

_Right! _

I made a beeline straight to where Tyler stood in the middle of the gym. When he saw me coming toward him, he looked to either side of him, obviously wondering whom I was coming to see because it couldn't possibly be him.

I walked right up to him.

"Hi Tyler." I gave him my sweetest smile.

He stood rooted to his spot, but at the same time he looked as if he wanted to run as far and as fast as he could to get away from me. I just continued to smile and wait.

"Hi..hi.. B..Bella!" His voice was all squeaky and nervous. I looked down at his yearbook waiting for him to ask me to sign it, but all he could do was shove it in my face.

Without taking it from him, I looked around the book to see his face. "Do you want me to sign your yearbook, Tyler?" I batted my eyes at him and watched as the poor guy turned five different shades of red as he nodded. He could give me a run for my money in the blushing department!

I took the book from him and signed with a flourish. Then I handed it back to him. He smiled and I couldn't help but notice that he was really kind of cute when he smiled. I put my hands on his shoulders, stood on my tiptoes, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I was glad Edward wasn't there to see it. I would have some explaining to do if he ever found out, but I was pretty sure he would understand.

I watched Tyler for a second and realized that he had stopped breathing.

_God, this is exactly how I react to Edward's kisses._

"Tyler, you really need to breathe buddy, okay." He nodded his head at me never even blinking.

Nothing happened.

"Tyler?"

Then, finally, he took in deep breath and relaxed.

I turned back and saw Angela laughing her head off in the bleachers. "Thanks Tyler and I don't think I ever told you, but I'm really sorry about the prom mix-up thing last year."

"Ah…naw…don't worry about it." He smiled.

I needed to get out of there. I couldn't wait until the end of the day to be out of that noise and with Edward again

I walked toward the hallway leading to the girl's restroom. The door at the other end of the hall was open to help with the airflow through the gym.

I pushed the restroom door open and let it close behind me. The noise level immediately dropped giving my ears a little break. I glanced into the mirror before I stepped into a stall, closed the door behind me and did my thing. As I was pulling my jeans up over my sweaty skin, I heard someone come though the main door. The noise from the gym rose then, fell dramatically when the door slipped closed. I flushed the toilet and there was a knock on my stall door.

_Geez, there are about 10 stalls in this bathroom, all empty except mine!_

"I'm almost done." I called out, and then I saw a hand at the top of my door. The door crumpled and then came off the hinges and flew across the room, smashing into the mirror above the sink. All I had time to see was her flaming red hair in the mirrors reflection and a thought flashed through my mind; _all those vampire movies got it wrong about the reflection thing_. Then her hand was on my throat and I was slammed up against the back of the stall, my feet dangling on either side of the toilet.

_Oh God! _

"There you are my dear sweet Bella." Victoria's smile chilled my blood. "Where has your lover-boy gotten himself off to? To busy to baby-sit his pet, huh?"

Her hand was crushing my throat closed and I could feel myself beginning to lose consciousness. Blackness started to fill the corners of my eyes. Feebly, I grabbed at her hand trying to loosen it just a bit, but I knew in my heart, this was it.

I was going to die right here, right now.

_This can't be happening! How freakin' cliché! _

Pulling at her hand, I tried to loosen her grip on my throat, but it was useless. Reaching toward her face, I tried to scratch at her eyes, but I could see that it was having no effect. She was just standing there, smiling that hideous smile watching me struggle. And, I had to struggle. I had to fight for my life when the wrong vampire was trying to take it from me. She wasn't planning on changing me, she was going to kill me.

"Ah, Bella, you know I'm not going to _choke_ you to death, don't you?"

She took one of my groping arms in her free hand and brought it to her lips. As I watched, she slowly licked the tender skin of my wrist, closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of my blood. The touch of her tongue was like an electric shock traveling up my arm.

"What kind of vampire is he, that he could subject himself to this mouth-watering scent and not drain you dry, savoring every drop?" She pressed my wrist to her icy cheek. "Really, I'm glad James didn't kill you. Even though I miss him terribly, I feel lucky to have the pleasure of enjoying you all to myself. And your poor, poor mate. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Oh, how he'll suffer your loss, for we do suffer Bella, we suffer horribly."

With her hand squeezing at my neck, the blackness was closing down around me until I was able to see only a small area directly in front of me, as though I were looking through a long dark tube and my arm and her mouth filled in the entire tunnel. I couldn't even scream when her razor sharp teeth sliced into my flesh.

_Oh Edward, I'm so sorry_.


	2. Chapter 2 Silence

Chapter Two

Silence

I closed my eyes and gave in to the darkness.

_Is it supposed to be this loud when your life ends?_ I wondered. _Is that thunderous roaring noise coming from inside my head? _

_OUCH! Dammit! That hurt!_

Victoria's nails scraped deep into my neck and I just knew she had slit my throat wide open.

I wanted to scream, "Just get it over with!"

And then, all at once, I could breathe.

Victoria dropped me hard on top of the toilet and the plumbing scraped my back, but that pain was nothing compared to the burning pain that was quickly traveling up my arm from my wrist. I sucked in what I believed was my last breath and tried to make my last thoughts on this earth only of him…

_Oh Edward, I love you so much._

Then, the strange roaring sound was muffled. My eyes popped open expecting to see Victoria's flaming red hair and flashing sharp teeth ready to pounce, but she was no longer standing the stall with me. Suddenly, a huge rusty brown animal flew by the opening. I could see Victoria's body flinging around the room like a rag doll caught in a dogs mouth. Which was exactly what she was at that moment.

"Jake?" My lips moved, but I didn't make a sound.

All of a sudden, the fire that had been traveling steadily up my arm became much worse. It burned hotter and moved faster with every crazy beat of my heart. I squeezed my eyes shut and clinched my teeth.

_Not her venom! Not her venom! Please. Please don't let me be changed by her evil venom._

Then, the door to the restroom slammed against the wall and I wondered if Jacob had run off with Victoria. It didn't matter right at the moment. All that mattered was that I needed to get out of there. I had to get on my feet and move before someone found me. Before I started turning … changing.

_Oh, God! Please help me!_

"Bella!"

My eyes flashed open to see a dark angel standing in the stall with me. Edward's beautiful face was inches from mine. He was drenched from the rain. I had never seen him so frightened. Holding my wounded arm out to him, I watched as his eyes swiftly traveled over the rest of my body stopping briefly at the wounds on my neck. He seemed a little confused, but then, his body went ridged and I knew he was angry.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Jacob's roar echoed off the walls.

"Stop it!" I mouthed, but still no sound escaped my lips.

"Jacob, please!" I heard Alice's sweet voice come from somewhere. "Edward can help her, please Jacob, you must trust him!" She was pleading for my life.

"You kill her and I swear, I will never stop. I will hunt you down no matter what it takes." Jacob's horrible menacing growl was so full of hate.

_Oh please Jacob! Please don't hurt them!_

The fire traveled into my shoulder and across my chest with every frantic heartbeat, but I didn't care. I wanted Edward and Alice to get out of there, to leave me here and run. Get away from Jacob before it was too late.

Edward had already found my wound and raised his eyes to mine, "Please, Edward." I knew I was just moving my lips. _Please take Alice and just run. _

The fire was taking me over. I couldn't think straight. I wanted to push Edward away as he took my arm, but I didn't seem to have any control over my body, over the horrendous pain that was taking my breath away… my life away.

Edward looked absolutely terrified as he brought my bleeding wound up to his mouth. Time seemed to slow down as I watched him carefully place his icy lips over and around my torn skin. Electricity shot up my arm as his tongue lay against my flesh. The first pull was amazingly strong as he urgently tried to remove Victoria's venom from my bloodstream.

_Please Edward! You don't have to do this! Just run!_

Then I heard Alice's voice again and she seemed a lot less frantic, more in control. "Jacob, take her and be safe, please."

Edward flinched for just a moment and then continued to draw blood and venom from me. The fire had stopped traveling any farther and the worst of it was leaving my arm and hand as quickly as it came.

Over Edward's shoulder I saw Jacob fly past the stall opening with Victoria's limp body clenched in his massive jaws.

_Thank you, Jacob. Thank you so much._

Alice's face came into view over Edward's shoulder. It broke my heart to see her so frightened.

Edward was sucking hard at my arm and I could feel the last of the fire was slowly fading. I was exhausted, lightheaded and so sleepy, if I could have, I would've fallen asleep right there sitting on that stupid toilet. I stopped fighting my wariness and closed my eyes.

Alice's voice so full of fear brought me back, "Edward, is she going to be all right?"

Edward's mouth slowly disengaged from my arm.

"I don't know!" He snapped, "I think so. We have to get her to Carlisle."

I opened my eyes and saw my blood on his lips, but… it didn't seem to bother me.

He was so close that his wonderful smell enveloped me like a soft blanket. I felt so weak, so lifeless, when I raised my arms to hold him. It was all I could do to wrap my hands around his neck as he carefully pulled me into his arms.

_What is that wonderful smell? _I wondered.

It was more than just Edward.

It was his already luscious smell, but a hundred times stronger… as if it were mixed with something else, something dark and rich and floral. I started sniffing around and Edward gave me the strangest look. My nose led me straight to his mouth. There was still blood at the corner of his lip … my blood.

It was … fascinating.

Reaching up, I touched it with my fingertip. I looked at my dark red blood and wondered why I wasn't ready to vomit. Then, I licked the blood from my fingertip, tasted it before looking into Edward's dark stunned eyes.

Suddenly, there was an eruption of sound. People were flooding into the bathroom. I distinctly picked out sentences …

"Did you see that?"

"I'm calling 911"

"Yes…it was a wolf or a bear or something dragging a body!"

"Is everyone okay in here?" A man's voice. It must have been one of the teacher's, but I didn't recognize to whom it belonged. I kept my eyes on Edward and avoided looking at the crowd who had packed into the doorway.

"No, she's been attacked," Edward spoke first. "A wolf must have dragged some poor girl in here out of the rain and Bella walked in on it feeding."

Alice and Edward were staring at each other and knew they where making a plan to get me out of there, quick.

"We can't wait for the paramedics," Alice announced, "there's no time. We'll take her to the hospital." She very easily began to part the crowd gathering in the doorway and Edward swiftly followed in her path. As soon as we were outside, the rain began to pour into my face. Closing my eyes against it, I let myself go, knowing I was safe as everything went black.

I was startled awake by the familiar roar of my truck engine.

_Why in the world are we in my truck? Any car in the parking lot would have been much faster than my senior citizen._

Opening my eyes, I could see we were moving fast. By the sound of the engine, I could tell that Alice was pushing my truck to its limits. She pull out her little silver cell phone and quickly tapped the keypad, held it to her ear and spoke rapidly, but I caught every word…

"Victoria bit her…No, I think we got to her in time…No, Jacob Black took her…Yes, he was there before us… No, I can't see werewolves!"

I looked up into Edward's eyes as she made that comment. They were filled with the most unbearable sadness. And then, I noticed the changes taking place in them.

_His eyes. I've never seen his eyes look that way before._

They were changing right in front of me as if the dark smoky topaz color were slowly being replaced with streaks of maroon. I shook my head and smiled at his angelic face.

_Oh Edward, don't be sad, please._

A look of wonder crossed Edward's face as he stared into my eyes.

"Okay, we'll meet you on the way…No, I'll call him…we will." Alice flipped her phone closed and then opened in lightning speed, pressed the little buttons again and held it back to her ear.

"Hurry up!" She cursed the phone. Then, "This is Alice Cullen, I need to speak with Chief Swan, it's an emergency… I understand… yes. Please let him know that Bella is with us…yes, she was attacked…yes, it was a wolf. We're taking her to the emergency room right now…No, no one else was injured. …Thank you so much." She flipped her phone closed.

"How is she doing?" Her voice sounded perfectly normal now.

Edward and I were so entranced in each other's eyes that he didn't even answer her. I could feel little pinpricks of heat still in my arm and suddenly they were moving fast. It tingled like my arm was falling asleep, moving quickly over my shoulder and spreading rapidly as soon as it reached my neck. The feeling wasn't entirely painful just uncomfortable.

"Edward!" She was looking at him, waiting.

"I don't know." He whispered, barely moving his lips.

_His lips. Oh, his lips._

I felt an extreme need to kiss him. Kiss him right then.

_Kiss me, please kiss me._

Opening my mouth, I tried to tell him, but as soon as air tried to pass and form the words, my throat closed up and nothing came out. I touched my lips trying to convey my message. He just stared at me

_Come on,_ I thought, _what else do you need, a gold invitation?_

He still gave me the strangest look, as though he didn't know who I was.

Placing my hand on his cool cheek, the feel of his velvet skin was so magnificent, as if I had never touched him before. I couldn't help but gasp. Slipping my hand over his ear and behind his neck, I began to nudge his face towards mine. He gave in easily and leaned forward.

_Oh my God!_

His delicious breath hit me full force! I sucked it in and was instantly pressing my mouth onto his, trying to part his lips with my tongue. I wanted to taste him, needed to taste the breath he exhaled.

He pushed me down into his lap. "Bella?" I had caught him off guard. "Please!"

_NO! Kiss me!_ I wanted to yell, but my mouth moved silently. He only shook his head at me. His dark maroon streaked eyes were huge.

In a flash, I had pulled myself from his grip, swung my legs and landed straddling his legs with my back to the windshield.

Alice shouted, "Edward try a little harder, could you?"

Grabbing Edward's face between my hands, I leaned into him as he grabbed my upper arms. I could feel his fingers digging into my skin, trying to push me away. I couldn't help myself. I smashed my lips into his. I could hear Alice yelling….

"Edward! Stop her! What is the problem?"

He was still pushing against me, but I was not finished kissing him yet. I almost died AGAIN! I was so done with being cautious. He promised! And, I was going to have my way! I was done being cautious! Out of the blue, pain shot through my left breast.

_PAIN—OH MY GOD! The PAIN!_

My heart was on fire inside! A blazing inferno that spread swiftly through my entire chest.

I wanted to scream! I wanted to shriek! But, my throat was sealed shut against any sound escaping. I felt as if I would burst!

Edward's eyes were filled with fear and within the next few seconds, I was slammed hard into the dashboard, my head hitting the roof. Trying to scream did absolutely no good, as all the air had been knocked out of me on impact.

"Edward! You have to change her! You have to bite her NOW!"

"NO! Not yet! I'm not ready!"

"You can't leave her like this!"

"NO! Just drive faster…we have to get her to Carlisle."

Edward swung me around and lay me in his lap with his stone arms completely encompassing me. The pain was so horrible, I kept trying to roll into a ball, but Edward's arms had me locked in a bear hug. Kicking out with my legs, I hit something that did not give, but caused the entire truck to sway back and forth for a moment.

Edward pulled my legs in and secured them with his arm. He pressed my head into his marble chest, my nose against his shirt as I gasped for every little breath.

Sweet humming filled my ears and flowed through my body. Edward was humming my lullaby. Even through all the pain, my body reacted to his melody and I began to breathe slower. His sweet song helped to calm the fire inside of me. I looked up into his eyes. They were no longer topaz or maroon, they were wild pitch black holes in his glorious face.

_Oh Edward, I love you. I have always loved you. I know whatever happens, you will save me. Please. Make it your venom that changes me. Only your venom._

I tried desperately to tell him to bite me, change me, stop the pain, but I could only mouth the words. Wiggling my wounded arm out from under his steel grasp, I held it out to him, pleading with my eyes.

_Please! Bite me._

That wonderful crooked smile I adore, broke on his face. I could see the clear venom glistening on his perfect teeth, dripping over his bottom lip and down his chin.

_Bite me, change me_. "I love you." I moved my lips.

He lifted his head and looked out the windshield then, closed his eyes.

"Bella, my beautiful Bella. Please forgive me."


	3. Chapter 3 Traces of Venom

Chapter Three

Traces of Venom

The truck come to an abrupt halt. Closing my eyes, I readied myself for the agony I knew was sure to follow after Edward sunk his teeth into my skin. But … it comforted me to know that his venom would be what ultimately changed me, his venom would bind us together. Knowing that I would be spending eternity with my only love would be all I needed to get me through the next three days. I could and would endure anything for him.

The truck door opened and I let my head fall back into the warm rain as I felt an icy hand gently take my arm.

"Bella, can you hear me?" It was Carlisle's voice.

Opening my eyes, I saw Carlisle's face, upside down, water dripping from his usually perfect golden hair.

"I need to taste your blood for traces of venom. Don't be afraid, everything will be okay." His voice was so calming. Too calming.

I wanted to fight it. Edward was ready. Ready and willing to change me right then! How long would I have to wait for that chance to come again? I tried to say 'NO' but it was hopeless.

So, I burst into tears.

With the rain pouring into my face, Edward had no idea I was crying until the silent sobs began wreaking havoc with my swollen vocal cords.

"Oh Bella!" His voice was full of despair. "Please, Bella, don't cry, please, don't cry."

He began singing my lullaby softly and whether I wanted it to or not, my crying was calmed at once.

"Bella, honey, I need to check your blood, It's all or nothing. There is no in-between with vampire venom. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

With tears still trickling out of my eyes, I nodded my head to let Carlisle know I understood.

He placed his mouth over the punctures wounds, an extremely strong pulling sensation swept down through my veins and with that, I immediately understood how easily Carlisle could have drained every drop of my blood within seconds. Instantly, I became extremely light headed, everything was spinning. Fearing that I may vomit, that my stomach would rise up, I closed my eyes and prayed the spinning would stop.

Carlisle gently placed my arm on my stomach. Then, Edward sat me up and wiped the rain from my face with his gentle fingers. Opening my eyes, I turned to look at Carlisle, hoping he would volunteer some information. All I could see was the evidence of a private conversation between him and Edward, but his expression was unworried.

Then sounds raced from Edward's mouth. Words spoken so rapidly, I couldn't catch a single one. He could have been speaking in another language for all I knew. I focused my eyes on Carlisle, trying to catch any change in his expression but he only raised an eyebrow now and then, nothing to clue me into what was being said.

Wrapped in his arms, Edward slid out of the truck and carried me to Carlisle's car. With the speed of his Mercedes, the engine noise from my old truck soon faded behind us in the distance.

Edward had placed me in the back seat and sat next to me with his arms securely around me. A little more securely than normal, I felt. I knew I deserved that after the way I had lost control and _somehow_ overpowered him. Looking into his eyes, dark burgundy gems had replaced the pitch black holes that had been present when he had shone his readiness to change me. I would never forget those eyes and knew I would look for them every second of every day until the moment he was ready to change me again.

He gave me the strangest, knowing look. Then, his face broke out in that beautiful crooked smile that always melted my heart.

"Yes," He said quietly, "For that moment, I _was_ ready." His fingers stroked my face gently and I felt just as if it were the first time he had ever touched me. Electric.

_How could he know what I was thinking?_

Carlisle started laughing in the front seat.

"I can hear you, my beautiful Bella." Unbelievable happiness shown on Edward's face, making him even more gorgeous than normal. "It's not like anyone I've ever heard before. I don't know if it will last but it is the most wonderful feeling I have ever had!" He kissed me so hard and so full of passion, I almost raised my hands to push him away.

I wasn't so sure about this. I always felt an advantage to being able to keep my thoughts and feelings private, but he wiped all my fears away with the next thing he said…

"I'm so sorry if I have ever questioned your love for me. I will never doubt you again."

I pumped my arm, _YES!_

Edward and Carlisle couldn't stop laughing. I snuggled my head into Edward's chest, listening as the laughter poured out of him and fell I asleep with his wonderful laughter in my head and heart.


	4. Chapter 4 Energy

Chapter Four

Energy

My eyes opened to the subtle pale yellow and peach tones of my hospital room. The only light came from above my head and illuminated a very small area of the ceiling. Carlisle had given me a sedative to relax me so I wouldn't try to speak and unless I had talked in my sleep, the sedative had certainly done its job. It seemed I had slept most of the day away.

Outside of my window, the sky was colored with bright pink and orange light on the horizon. Twilight. And there, next to the window, stood the marble statue of a Greek god, looking out into the shadows.

_Edward, My Edward._

Before I even had time to register his movement, he was at my side.

"Yes?" He whispered, slyly.

_He can still hear me. _

I opened my mouth to speak, but my windpipe immediately closed up and no air passed through. The pain came after I stopped_ trying_ to speak. Clutching my throat, I winced when I pressed my fingers against bandages and bruises. Edward's face changed instantly from happy to sad at my expression of pain.

"_It's nothing,"_ But it didn't seem to give him much comfort, he still looked so sad. "_Why so sad?" _my hand came up to touch his smooth cheek, he took it and placed a kiss on it, pretending to study the little scratches and marks there, refused to answer my question.

"_Come on…I can't read minds…remember?" _I batted my eyelashes at him.

"It may be quite some time before you can speak normally again." He said quietly.

"_I'll be fine. Just a normal day for me."_

"Bella," he started.

I held my hand up at him. "_It sounds like you're about to start that_ 'it's too dangerous to be around me' _speech and I'm not going for it so just knock it off!"_

"That is not what I was going to say." He snapped back through clenched teeth.

"_GOOD! Because you promised you would NEVER leave me again and no matter what you say you're stuck with me …forever!"_ I was jabbing a finger at him trying to get my point across.

He took my both of my hands in his and leaned over the bed close enough to kiss me, but then pulled up at the last moment. My heart raced. I could hardly take in a full breath with him so close.

"I was going to tell you that you frightened me. I felt absolutely helpless in the truck and I can't remember ever feeling that way before."

_Oh. That. I'm so…_

Catching myself, I breathed in deep, his scent filling me up, but instead of dazzling me, it had more of a dizzying result.

_Will he still smell this wonderful after he changes me?_

He smiled widened, crinkling his eyes. "Almost certainly."

"_I'm so sorry, really. I just… I knew what was happening, but I couldn't help myself. It was as if…." _

His eyes opened wide, glancing toward the door. Just then, I realized his eyes were still black. Not the wild pools of black ink I saw in my truck, just his normal 'thirsty' black.

"Charlie and Alice are back. Alice has a present for you." He smiled, "I'm going to kiss you now and I need you to please, please behave. It's all I can do right now to control my own actionsafter this morning." Leaning in the last inch, he closed the small gap between our mouths. He seemed prepared to fly to the other side of the room if I even twitched so, I stayed perfectly still. Cautiously, his lips touched mine and then, he increased the pressure ever so slightly.

Charlie and Alice came through the door just as Edward had pulled his lips from mine.

_So careful. And, much too short, again_. Even though my heart rate was slowing to a normal pace, my face was heating up from the sudden blush that filled my cheeks.

Charlie had yet to see us kissing. Edward would never take the chance before, just in case I lost control, which happened quite often. His kisses were never long enough or often enough. Just the _anticipation_ of his kisses alone kept me on edge all the time.

Alice danced over to my bedside, her hands concealing something behind her back. Leaning over, she kissed me on the cheek, careful to keep whatever it was she was carrying, hidden from sight. She smiled then, stepped back to stand next to Edward, no doubt engaging in a silent conversation.

Charlie leaned over and gave me one of his patented awkward hugs.

"How ya feeling, Bells?"

I shrugged, smiled and gave him the 'OK' sign with my hand.

"Alice brought something for you so we won't have to learn sign language."

Alice placed a small laptop on my little rolling table and rolled it over to me. It was already open to 'Word' so I typed,

"Thanks! This is great!" It was so cool! One of those little indestructible laptops. The only kind of laptop that would last around me for any length of time. I had no idea how much something like this cost and I wasn't about to ask. Alice never looked at the price tag anyway.

Right then, Carlisle came through the door.

"Chief Swan, I'm glad you're here, can I speak to you for a moment?" He motioned out the door and Charlie followed.

"_What's up?"_ I thought to Edward.

"Oh, this is so not fair!" Alice said laughing. "Carrying on private conversations in front of others is just so rude!"

Edward and I grinned at her joke.

"He's just filling your father in on your condition." Edward answered.

"What _is_ my condition?" I typed it so Alice wouldn't feel left out.

"You'll be fine. There's no permanent damage," Alice said as she leaned in toward me, "Nothing that won't be reversed after you're…you know." She winked at me. I felt my face tingle as it turned pink. I really wanted to laugh out loud, but it just wouldn't happen yet. Edward just rolled his eyes.

"Its 'Doctor' Cullen remember? It's what he does, he can't help it." Alice finished with a big smile as Carlisle and Charlie came back into the room.

"I believe you'll be fine, Bella." Carlisle said. "I'm having you stay the night just so I can monitor the swelling and the scratches. I have you on some pretty strong anti-inflammatory medication along with a few other medications right now, so there is nothing for you to worry about. Unfortunately, you won't be able to use your voice for a while, alright?"

I nodded to let him know that I understood.

"I'll be checking on you through out the night and I'm sorry but, I really don't think you're going to make it to your graduation ceremony." He patted my arm, said good evening to everyone and left the room.

"Well, I'm off." Alice said. "Charlie why don't you go on home and get some rest?" She squeezed his hand and dazzled him with her smile. After a moment, he blinked and I could see his cheeks had a little extra color to them. He looked over at Edward then back at me, "Uh, Bells, do you want me to stay?"

I typed, 'Renée?' I had no idea what time she was flying in from Florida for my graduation, but that wasn't happening now.

"Oh yeah! She gets in at 8:15 tomorrow so I have to drive over and pick her up. I forgot all about that!" Charlie shook his head, "I forgot to call her about this also. I'd better let her know before she gets here or she'll be really upset. Well, she's going to be upset no matter what." He laughed a little at that, not that it was funny either. The last time Renée saw me, I was in a hospital bed in Phoenix. I would just have to make sure Carlisle let me out of here before she arrived.

Just then Esme came through my door. Even though she really didn't have the power to calm a room like Jasper, she still did. She always had a quiet sort of presence. Once, after talking with Esme, Charlie had commented on how beautiful she was and ever since then, he would blush when he saw her. Edward never shared Charlie's thoughts with me about it, except to say that Charlie was a true gentleman.

Esme smiled as she walked over to my bed. She brushed a stray hair off my face, "Carlisle says you're doing well."

I showed her the laptop and typed, "I'm feeling fine, just tired."

"Well, why don't I stay here with you tonight and let everyone else get some rest?" She looked at Charlie and as usual, he blushed.

"Oh, if you don't mind, Esme, that would be great!" he said.

"No problem at all." She looked at Edward as she walked over and took the chair next to my bed. I could tell she was giving him a message. "I'll see you both in the morning." Alice came over and kissed Esme's cheek then, Edward kissed the top of her head as she squeezed his hand.

_What a wonderful family to belong to._ I thought.

Edward smiled at me and took both my hands in his, leaned over and kissed me. Charlie smiled and shook his head as he walked out the door.

"He's happy for us." Edward whispered

"_Thank you!"_

I woke up. It was hard to stay asleep when I wasn't even tired. I didn't have any idea how long I'd been out, but it was still dark outside. I could hear soft voices…Carlisle and Esme talking quietly at the door. Carlisle was kissing her hand, looking at her in the same way Edward looked at me and I had to look away, feeling that I was intruding on their private moment. After all their years together, they were still so much in love.

The shades on the window were open to the night and I could see the stars. Not a cloud in the sky. Alice was right again, it would be a beautiful day for graduation.

Graduation.

I thought back to a time when Edward was set against 'taking my soul' as he put it. Graduation was the date Carlisle had promised to change me if Edward was not willing to. Lucky for me that Edward had changed his mind. Come to think of it, I was the luckiest person in the world right now. _If_ Victoria hadn't attacked me and _if_ Jake hadn't been there and_ if_ Alice hadn't seen and_ if _Edward hadn't saved me _again_, Edward would still have doubts.

This mind reading thing with Edward turned out to be the most wonderful thing that could have come from almost dieing again. I smiled to myself. Besides, how many times could a human get bit by a vampire, saved from the bite and not have some kind of strange side effect? There had to be some residual venom left in me. Not enough to cause me pain, but how else could Edward hear my thoughts?

"You shouldn't be awake at this time in the morning!" Esme scolded softly from the chair next to my bed. I hadn't even heard her cross the room or sit down.

Turning my head toward her, I swore she read my thoughts, either that or the peaceful contentment on my face.

"You're very happy, aren't you?"

Pulling the rolling table over my lap, I began typing, "Yes! I don't know if you can understand how wonderful it feels, now that Edward finally believes that I really love him and want to spend my life with him!"

"I'm sure it does feel wonderful. I'm so sorry he doubted you. Edward had a difficult time not being able to hear your true thoughts." She said apologetically, "He was always waiting for the running and screaming to come."

That was so true, I was forced to fight the laughter that threatened to break free and squeeze my throat closed. Laying there for a minute, I thought about the next thing I wanted to ask her. This was the first time I had ever been alone with Esme and I had so many questions about what to expect during my change and afterward. She was changed after Edward but she was also a witness to the changes of the two others that came after her. I was sure she would be much more open to my questions than Edward had been. First, I wanted to know what happened on the girls restroom.

"Esme," I typed, "What happened? No one has told me anything yet! I know about Victoria, obviously and Jake pulling her off, but the rest…"

"I'll tell you what I know, but, after I'm done, you have to promise to go back to sleep—deal?"

I nodded.

"Well, Alice told us that she didn't see anything until you made the decision to use the restroom. Then everything happened quickly from that point on. Alice and Edward ran the entire distance hoping that no one would see them through the rain – as far as we can tell, no one did. When they arrived at the gym, Jacob Black had already pulled Victoria from you. Edward and Alice were both surprised to find him there. If he hadn't been there to pull Victoria off, there is a very good chance that you would have been beyond Edward's ability to save you or even had enough of yourself left to complete the change."

I typed quickly, "Even though it doesn't matter now…I don't think she was planning on killing me quickly…Victoria said she was going to savor every drop and I thought for sure she would until she ripped her nails into me. I can imagine she had wanted to torture me for as long as she could."

Esme touched my arm, "Bella, first, those scratches on your neck are from a werewolf not a vampire," It dawned on me that she meant Jake had made those and it must have happened while he was trying to pull Victoria's hand from around my neck.

"And second, you are fully aware of what we are and I don't want to scare you but… whatever you may think, vampires do not have that much control." She held me with her eyes, "When we hunt, we have one thing in mind and that takes all control from us. We completely lose ourselves in the smell and taste of our prey and there is no savoring involved. Even if we want to savor every drop, the hunger takes us. I believe it somehow controls us so our prey does not suffer as much."

I would never have believed Esme would have been the one to discuss what was essentially my future with me so easily. Even Alice avoided this topic saying only that they had much more fun dining out basically. Come to think of it, she had said almost the same thing about vampires and control, but she had compared them with sharks.

"I know of only two vampires that have displayed the control Victoria spoke of…Carlisle and Edward. Carlisle has done this to save or change someone, but never for torture and Edward has done this only twice and both times involved you."

She leaned back in her chair. "Even though Edward had tried to remove the venom from you, Carlisle found traces of it still contaminating your blood and was able to remove most of what remained. Edward feels _dreadful_ about that – he was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop, so he stopped too soon. That small amount of venom was what caused you're…uh…burst of energy." She smiled.

"That surprised me too!" I typed.

"That was also why you were in such pain. Carlisle did what he could before bringing you here but you may experience some after effects. The story at the school is Alice and Edward had just come to the school to ride home with you and Alice had stayed out in the hall with Edward while you went in the restroom alone. There were muddy wolf prints all over the floor so that helped with the story. I am assuming that Jacob scratched you by accident when he pried Victoria's hand from your throat. Is there anything else you want to know?"

I thought for a second…then typed, "When I… lost control, the feelings I had were so intense. I mean, I wanted Edward to kiss me RIGHT NOW!…is that how it always feels?"

"Yes. But we learn to control our urges… most of the time." She said very slowly. She could see where I was going with this. "Go ahead…ask."

I took a big breath, smiled and started typing, "You know I have no one to talk to about…" I paused wondering if I should go on. I took another big breath and plunged ahead. "SEX." I typed in all capitals. I looked up from the keyboard to see her smiling and nodding at me. I continued to type, "Well, I was wondering…if there is nothing human in a vampires physiology, how are they able to…"

"Make love." She finished my sentence before I could.

I nodded my head and felt my cheeks starting to heat up. I started typing frantically, "I'm so sorry I just feel so stupid asking but I would really like to be prepared – to know what I should expect…I mean Edward is my first and only love I've never even been kissed before Edward but I've seen movies of course and took health in school and how can you compare it to what humans experience…." I was typing so furiously that Esme started laughing.

"Bella, Bella!" She placed her hand over the keyboard and I stopped typing. "Bella, honey, calm down." She was still laughing, it was like beautiful music.

I looked at the screen and saw a paragraph full of run-on sentences, like I couldn't get it all out fast enough. I hadn't even bothered with any sort of punctuation. My face was burning from blushing so furiously.

"You have a general knowledge of the… process, am I correct?"

Nodding my head, I never knew my face could burn so much and not have my skin peeling off in sheets.

"Well, the act of making love is much the same but what we share of ourselves is completely different – we share our energy. All emotions have a certain degree of energy, love being one of the most powerful forms of energy. Add the energy of love to the energies of passion and desire and you create an unbreakable bond when it is shared."

I was listening intently.

"The only way I can describe the feeling of sharing energy is…you've seen lightning and how it starts at one point and spreads out across the sky?"

I nodded.

"That's how it feels – as if lightning slowly builds within you. When you release it, your energy flows into your husband and his flows into you. It's a much more intimate and sensual experience than humans could ever dream of sharing. One advantage is that we never suffer from fatigue so…" her lips curled into the most beautiful smile that reached all the way up to her amber eyes and she gave me a little tilt of her head.

All of a sudden, everything she had been explaining fell into place. "You can make love for a really long time!" an excited high-pitched whisper burst from me. The implications of never needing to sleep or never becoming tired had not crossed my mind in that context before.

Esme's tinkling laughter filled the room. "Yes, exactly!"

I lay back on my bed and looked up at the ceiling. My honeymoon was going to be unbelievable.

"I need to tell you though that sharing yourself with Edward will not be the first thing you do once you have finished your change," The sweet smile had left her face, "the instinct to hunt will be overwhelming." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "You will need to satisfy your thirst for blood before you thirst for love." She looked up at me and I knew she was waiting to see me flinch at her words.

"It's all worth it!" I typed. She read the words as I typed and took my hand when I finished.

"Yes, it is all worth it." Her beautiful smile was back. "It may comfort you to know that Edward has already had this conversation with his father and his brothers. He is very aware of what your needs will be in the beginning."

That struck me funny. At Edwards's age, he was just now having the father-son talk. Yes, he was still seventeen but I would have thought he'd over heard enough thoughts on the subject over the years that he would be a little more acquainted with the process than me. I typed it out for Esme to read.

"Yes, but with Edward's ability to read our thoughts, he would never ease-drop on his family. He always leaves the house to avoid making us feel uncomfortable and to give us some privacy. Well, except for Emmett and Rosalie – we make them leave – they are much too… rambunctious and I was tired of them tearing the house up like a couple of wild animals. That's why they tend to go away for a month at a time."

Now I really wanted to laugh but it hurt way too much.

"Now do you understand why Edward is always so careful with you, so cautious with his kisses? If Edward were to share himself with you in your human state, you would die, Bella. It would be an extremely pleasant death, but you would still be dead."

I knew Edward would never take that chance with me. No wonder so many things were off limits. At least now I could see a light at the end of the tunnel – he promised and all I needed to do now was say the word. I pulled the laptop closer and began typing again.

"I never gave Edward an answer – he asked me to marry him and even though I never had a second thought about it – I never told him 'YES' which I plan to do the second he walks into this room. I know this seems to have nothing to do with sex but….I was really hoping to enjoy my wedding night and not have to wait three days. Do you think that there is any possibility that you might be able to convince him to change me before the wedding? If we could figure someway…."

Esme placed her hand on mine. I stopped typing.

"Is it that important to you to participate in a wedding ceremony?"

I thought about that for a long hard minute. "It's important to Edward. I don't believe he would have asked me otherwise. Yes! I guess I have always wanted to have a wedding. Besides, when would I get a chance to recite the vows I want to say to him?"

"Well, I _believe_ circumstances have changed since he asked you. There is a very good possibility he has changed his mind now that he is sure you understand what you will become and because of your love and commitment to him and this family. The members of our family are very rare as far as vampires go; we live for the love of each other. Most vampires are too selfish and violent to maintain any kind of loving relationship. Carlisle believes it has something to do with their diet." She gave a little laugh and pulled the table with my laptop out of reach. "Now, it's time for you to sleep, young lady."

She was acting just like a mother. Right at that second I realized that part of the reason I had suffered so horribly when they left Forks for those few months was not only because of my love for Edward but because I loved them all…Alice and Rosalie as my sisters, Emmett and Jasper as my brothers and Carlisle and Esme as parents. It wasn't only my love for Edward that tore me apart but my love of his family, soon to be _my_ family.

I reached out my arms to Esme and she embraced me. I hugged her as tight as I could. Tears fell from my eyes. Esme pulled back to see my face.

"Bella, what's the matter dear? Have I frightened you?"

"Not at all. I just love you so much!" I whispered, "I love you all!"

"I love you too, we all do." She straightened my sheets and blankets and kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes. "Sleep my beautiful Bella."


	5. Chapter 5 Deep Confessions

Chapter Five

Deep Confessions

_I was running. Leaping and jumping over fallen trees, ducking under low branches, my feet never faltering as I ran through the tall ferns that covered the wet ground. I broke out from the trees to find myself standing in the middle of the meadow. _

_Our meadow. _

_The rain poured in sheets from thick black clouds above me. Lightning split the sky right above my head and a tremendous clap of thunder exploded simultaneously, taking my breath away. For some strange reason, it didn't scare me. In fact, I enjoyed it completely. Raising my hands to the sky, I wished it would send the lightning to me. Hit me. _

_As the electricity built around me, my skin prickled with anticipation. _

_Yes. Please. Edward ... share … with … me._

_The earth moved beneath my feet as the next bolt of lightning fanned out in a beautiful arc above my head, surrounding me with love. Edward's love. Even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was there and for just a few brief seconds, his ever careful and gentle hands were touching every inch of my skin. Touching me in ways he had never dared before, whispering promises he could never say out loud. Edward was my world, everything I could ever want or need and I wanted to wrap myself up in him and stay there forever._

_Then, suddenly, I wasn't alone. A huge wolf appeared at the edge of the meadow. His shiny russet coat was soaked through, lying flat against his hard muscles. Slowly, gracefully, he walked toward me, coming to within a foot of where I stood._

"_Bella? I thought I would never see you again." _

_I knew that voice. I had missed that voice._

_Then, from over my shoulder, another voice rang out. "Bella, don't!" I turned and there was Charlie, a huge silver gun gripped tightly in his hands. The massive weapon pointed down at the ground, seemingly much too heavy as Charlie struggled to lift it and aim it at the wolf. "Just back away from it, Bella. This is the wolf that killed that girl. Move honey, just move out of the way. Let me get a clean shot." Charlie had managed to raise the gun and had it sited right at the wolf._

"_Daddy, no, it's Jake! You know Jake." I was trying to yell over the pounding rain. _

_Charlie could be so blind sometimes. Did he really never have a clue? Jacob would never harm me.__owHo_

"_He's my friend, dad. He loves me. He'd never hurt me." Turning back to my russet werewolf, I reached out to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed in his scent. But, this smell was all wrong. The smell of his human skin was buried somewhere deep within all that wet fur. _

_Then, miraculously, the clouds parted for just a second, the suns rays shining down directly on Jacob and I. Rainbows of color shot from my skin into the meadow, filling every shadowed corner with a multitude of colors. _

Oh God! Jacob, I'm…I'm a…

_A strange sensation hit the back of my throat as ice water flooded my mouth. Holding him tighter, I pressed my face into Jacob's thick coat searching for something I needed to have right that second, a delicious treasure that flowed in rivers beneath his hot flesh. Jake's body shuddered in my grasp. His heavy wet coat had fallen away and I felt his feverishly hot skin next to mine. My lips moved over his neck and found the pulsing river that flowed under his frail covering. _

Yes… oh yes.

_Opening my mouth, my teeth slipped so easily into his flesh. Blood flooded my mouth, thick and sweet like steaming hot honey and I drank fast and furiously, feeling it flow into me and throughout me._

_From behind, Charlie was caught up in the confusion of witnessing a massive wolf dissolve into the familiar form of Jacob Black. "Bella? That's just impossible! Bella?" I blocked out his voice until it was just a whisper in my ear. "Bella?"_

"Bella? Bella dear, you have a visitor." Esme was close, patting my hand.

Even though the meadow disappeared, the taste of Jake's blood was still in my mouth, coating it like honey.

_Oh my God! It was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a stupid dream._

"Bella, are you awake dear?"

Nodding my head, I opened my eyes. It was barely light outside, close to dawn. Esme was standing next to me, a soft smile on her face.

"Someone is here to see you." She glanced over at the door. I followed her eyes to see a very tall young man filling the entire doorway.

"Jacob?" I mouthed – a squeaky whisper was all that came from between my lips. The essence of my dream made my mouth water and I quickly swallowed it down and pushed it away.

"I'll wait in the hall." Esme said as she walked toward the door. Jacob stepped aside, disappearing from view for a second then, stepped into my room after Esme had passed.

Propping myself up in the bed, I reached out and pulled the little table over and began typing as he crossed the room.

"What happened? How did you know Victoria was there?"

Jacob leaned his huge body over me, reading the words as I typed. I could feel the heat rolling off of him, warming me, leaning over me much closer than was absolutely necessary to read the words on the screen. There was a strange unpleasant odor about him. I had never noticed it before.

When I finished typing, he turned from the laptop to look at me, his face less than on inch from mine. Way too close for comfort. Not having anywhere to retreat, I pressed the back of my head into my pillows.

He smiled, then, kissed my cheek very softly, startling me. Wrinkling his nose a little, I knew to him, I probably reeked of vampire.

"We'd been tracking her since yesterday morning … and since I knew she was the enemy of your bl… friends, I had no problem killing her." His voice was a low husky whisper that crawled over my skin with menace.

Black fire seemed to burn in his dark eyes. Even though Victoria had come back to Forks with only one thing in mind, killing me in retaliation for James death, it gave me chills to hear how easily Jake had killed her. _He enjoyed it._

Suddenly, I wanted Esme out of there. Out of the hospital and as far from Jake as possible. Safe back at home with her family, with Edward. The way Jacob was standing over me was much too defensive, too aggressive, with his upper body completely blocking my view of the door.

With my hands still on the keyboard I typed.

"Thanks for being there!" Even though I was truly thankful, I feared for Edward and his family's safety. The weird resemblance between Jake and a rabid dog who had just had its first taste of blood, was too much.

I tried to look happy. Grateful even.

Jacob read the words on the screen, then, quickly looked down at the gray tiled floor.

"Bella, I have a confession to make." His voice had lost its edge and became the voice I knew before, the boy who was my best friend, before he became a werewolf. "I want to protect you, but I can't do that unless… Bella, the vampires can't stay here anymore. They have to leave Forks... and I mean, without turning you into one of them… if they don't leave, there will be a war between us." A sharp laugh came from him. "Right. It won't be a war, it'll be a massacre, Bella." Looking up, his eyes locked onto mine. "Do you understand what I'm saying? We will kill every last one of them." Moving closer, until his face was only an inch from mine, his eyes softened. "The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You have to tell them to leave. It's the only way. I'll be here for you. I'll help you through it. I know there was a time when you felt something for me and you were ready to let me in."

_Oh no! Please, Jacob, don't do this!_ I shook my head, but my eyes betrayed me. I still loved Jacob.

Not the werewolf who had taken my sweet Jake, but, my friend, my savoir. The Jacob that pulled me from the pit and helped me live some kind of crazy empty life even if all I did during that time was look for Edward. The Jake who, unknowingly, helped me push and push until Edward's voice would scream inside my head. That Jacob, who was ready to take the shell of me and be happy with what was left. But, he had changed so much. This Jacob had too much anger, too much hate in him.

My sweet innocent Jacob Black wasn't buried in there, he was just… gone.

"Bella, please. I know if those bloodsuckers hadn't come back, you and I would be together right now. We would be happy and none of this would have ever happened."

At some point during his confession he had taken my hands in his. Tugging gently, I tried to pull them away – I needed to get to my keyboard, I needed to tell him. Yes, everything he said was true, but Edward _did_ come back into my life and promised he would stay until I sent him away, which I would never ever do.

Jacob's grip tightened and all I could do was shake my head 'no'.

"Bella, I love you. I want to keep you safe. I want to … marry you. I am so much stronger now – stronger even than Sam. I promise, I would always protect you and never hurt you." He begged.

I managed to yank one of my hands from his. Reaching for the bandage at my neck, I ripped it off in one quick motion. Jake's eyes traveled down my neck and locked on to the four six-inch scratches he had left there. It was an accident, I knew it was, and I felt horrible, but I would never change my mind. Never. I was in love with Edward Cullen and always would be. Forever.

Besides, what was Jacob thinking? How could he possibly think I would consider marrying him? What did he expect me to do? Live in a cage and wait for him to bat me around whenever he got mad? How could he be so crazy as to ask me to marry him and commit myself to a life where I would be afraid of him killing me by accident whenever he lost his temper? Even though the life I had chosen put me in the same sort of danger everyday, I was never afraid Edward would hurt me by accident. I was never afraid Edward would lash out at me and kill me if he were angry or upset.

The longer I thought about it, the more furious I became. Fuming, I jerked my other hand away from him and grabbed the laptop.

"Thanks for saving my life! I'll make sure that Edward doesn't forget to thank you either!"

Jacob's face contorted with rage as a low angry growl came from between his lips. "I didn't save you for him!" His jaws snapping at me as if he were ready to rip my head off. His eyes were on fire as he leaned in even closer. Raising my hands, I put them against his hard chest, feeling his burning skin under his white t-shirt.

"Please!" I could only whisper, "Please Jake, don't!" I stared into his eyes. "Don't do this!"

"My promise still stands. If he, or any of his family kills you or even bites you, tries to change you into one of those _things_, I swear to you, I will hunt him down and never stop until I destroy his whole bloodsucking family!"

His entire body radiated heat as his words cut through me like a knife. Then his lips were on mine. Branding me my mouth as his arms held me in place.

_Jacob stop! Please stop!_

Angry tears poured out of me. Jacob's body trembled beneath my hands and the fear that he would transform overcame me. What if he did, what would happen? Would Esme have a chance? Could I hold him long enough for her to get away? And if she did manage to get away, what would he do to me?

Emily's scarred face flashed in front of my eyes. Sam had never meant to hurt her, nevertheless, no matter how much he loved her, he had lashed out.

_Oh God! No! _

Jacob forced his tongue between my lips, pushing insistently against my teeth and all of a sudden, I could taste him.

The dream flashed in my head. The taste of steaming hot honey hit my tongue and my mouth began to water uncontrollably. Something, deep inside of me wanted to taste him, wanted to kiss him back so fiercely.

'_NO! NO! NO!' _I screamed in my head.

Pushing as hard as I could against his chest, it was useless, like pushing against a brick wall. Balling up my fists, I hit him over and over again, but he didn't seem to even notice.

Without warning, Jacob was pulled from me and I saw him fly across the room, hitting the wall next to the window.

"As you can see, Jacob Black, my strength exceeds your own." Esme's voice was quiet and calm, her eyes dangerous shiny black pools of anger. She stood very still, but relaxed between Jacob and the bed where I lay. "I am so glad to have this opportunity to thank you for saving Bella's life. You see, she is as close to me as if she were my own daughter. Now, it would hurt Bella's feelings terribly if I were forced to kill you in front of her… and I _can_ kill you, Jacob, make no mistake about what I can and will do to protect her."

Jacob stood. Shock was the only thing showing on his face. Small ripples raced through him, but he didn't transform. Taking only a few steps, he disappeared from the room as if he had never been there.

With tears falling faster than ever, Esme took me in her cold arms. My entire body shaking from the sobs that had no way to escape. My swollen throat felt as if it were ripping on the inside, but no matter how painful it was, I couldn't stop crying. Esme held me, rocking me gently, without speaking, until my sobs finely began to subside.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I am so, so sorry." She whispered. "I would never have let him in if I had any idea. I thought he was your friend."

_No, my friend disappeared a long time ago._


	6. Chapter 6 A Flood of Memories

Chapter Six

A Flood of Memories

Opening my eyes, I realized morning had finally come. The suns rays were shining on the wall in long thin stripes between the blinds. Edward had come in at some point while I was sleeping and was talking softly with Esme near the door. I couldn't catch the words they spoke so rapidly, but I had no doubt Esme was filling him in on my early morning visitor.

My eyes still stung from crying and my throat seemed even more swollen, if that were possible.

All I had been allowed to have the day before was a liquid diet and I was horribly thirsty and hungry. Reaching over to my little table, I found the pitcher of water. Someone had refilled it with lots of ice. Pouring some into my cup. I took small soothing sips and without having any food, the ice-cold water hit me like a sharp icicle in the pit of my stomach, causing me to break out in gooseflesh and shiver all over.

Looking over at me from the door, Edward smiled and shook his head. Carlisle appeared in the doorway, stopped and looked at Edward. Edward nodded and stepped outside the door.

_Edward, please don't leave! _I thought frantically to him as I sat up. He stuck his head back inside the door.

"I'm not leaving. I just need to calm down for a second." Then he disappeared again.

"Bella, you'll be staying here one more night." I could see that Carlisle was in full 'doctor' mode. Just from his tone and stern look, I knew he wasn't joking. "From what I understand, you've had too much excitement here in your hospital room and that's something I was hoping to avoid when let you go home. I have informed the nurses to call my cell phone if you become agitated again. I _will _have them sedate you and forbid you to have any visitors if that is what I have to do."

I shook my head and when I opened my mouth to speak, he pointed to the laptop. "Type it."

Esme came in and stood next to my bed, laying her hand on my shoulder. Even though her touch was like ice, it still soothed me.

"I doubt he'll be back. I promise to behave." I typed.

"Okay then, I'll see you this evening." He watched as Esme kissed my forehead then, they left the room together.

Waiting for Edward, I tried not to think about anything, but thoughts like…_ 'oh please don't let him be mad at me'_, kept popping up no matter how much I tried to bury them. Taking deep breaths, I tried to stay calm. Then, I realized that I was in dire need of using the bathroom. I pushed the button for the nurse and she replied, "yes."

_I can't answer her! Oh! This is so damn frustrating!_

I heard Edward's voice at the nurses station, "She needs to use the resrroom. She can't speak, remember?" I had never heard him be so short with an adult before.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I'll go right now." A nurse's voice was coming down the hall.

She walked quickly into my room and helped me off of the bed. She had a strange, almost fearful look on her face. Flushed and very apologetic. She helped me with the IV stand and then, made sure I was okay in the bathroom on my own.

"Thank you. I'll help her back to her bed. " Even from in the bathroom, I could hear the change in Edwards voice. He had just turned on the charm. I could imagine the nurse fanning herself all the back to the nurses' station. That made me smile, a little.

When I was finished, I washed my hands and then looked in the mirror, I was a mess! After washing my face, I wished I had my hairbrush and toothbrush, when the door opened just enough for Edward to stick my things through.

_Thank you._

He was silent.

I had caught a glimpse of his eyes and could see that he had spent the night out hunting. His amber eyes were a welcomed relief after yesterday. I could imagine it made it easier for him to be with me after having tasted my blood again. And much less likely to go tearing off after Jacob, which was the last thing I wanted him to do.

I finished cleaning myself up and conceded I really just needed a shower, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I turned and took my IV pole in one hand and my little bag of toiletries in the other, pushed the door with my foot to find Edward waiting just outside of it. He freed my hands and I climbed back into the bed. I fiddled with the sheets and blanket, anything to keep from looking him in the eye.

With all that I was trying to hold in, my face began to burn. I was embarrassed and horribly ashamed. Embarrassed that Jacob had kissed me and ashamed that had I kissed him back.

Jacob's words began to run through my head. I had no way of knowing if Esme had even heard everything he had said or if she had repeated his entire conversation. It was very likely that Edward was hearing the words for the first time from my thoughts. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to stop the flow of words, the terrible instant reply of all that had happened a few hours earlier. Completely powerless against my own emotions, I opened my eyes and focused on the peach colored ceiling.

Motionless, Edward sat looking at me, not touching me, not speaking, just listening.

_Oh God, he hates me._

It was more than I could stand – rolling over, I hid my face and let the tears stream silently out of my eyes. The next thing I felt was Edward's body lying against mine, his arms gently wrapping around me. Still, he didn't speak, but at least he was holding me. Instead, he let me get it all out. Everything I had never told him about what had happened between Jacob and me, about what I had done during the time I had been in Forks, alone, without him.

I let it go, all the sadness and utter loneliness that had threatened to crush me, the black empty hole that had ripped open inside of me. How I had been on the edge of giving in to Jacob knowing I would never really love anyone again. How I was ready to lock away my heart and forbid myself to remember.

Sadness poured out of me and Edward took it all in. All of those painful memories I had buried down inside and had never planned to reveal to him.

Many of the memories came to me as pictures, the meadow, Laurent's face before the wolves came, the edge of the cliff right before I jumped, the strange red fire on the water. The memories of Alice and I going to Volterra to stop Edward from revealing himself. He listened as I remembered how I had been ready to die for him. And then, after facing the Volturri, I was ready to go home, back to Forks – alone, because I was still so sure that he didn't want me anymore. My memory of how I wanted to release him from any responsibility for me.

Without making a sound beyond a sniffle, I lay there until all my sad memories were exposed and the tears finally came to an end.

I breathed heavily, every breath a little easier with each intake of air. I had never realized all the painful memories I had carried with me. They were still so close to the surface, still raw and tender.

Edward's mouth was next to my ear.

"I never knew. How could you ever love me after I hurt you so deeply? Have I really been such a selfish monster?" I had never heard such overwhelming sadness in his voice before. Turning within his arms, I faced him.

_I have always loved you and I have never stopped loving you. I have forgiven everything!_

Burying his face in my shoulder, he whispered.

"In trying to keep you safe, I tore you into pieces. I tore everyone I love up because I was afraid and stupid and so unbelievably blind. And, still you forgave me and trusted me to stay." He raised his head, but shielded his eyes from me. "I'm the one who should be ashamed – I insisted on your word to marry me. A pledge of your love, because I was afraid you didn't fully understand what I am. You put all your faith in me and I put so little in you. I'm so sorry Bella."

I pressed my forehead to his. _Don't Edward! Don't be sorry. Not being able to hear my thoughts, how could you have known? _He finally looked into my eyes._ You are my life Edward Cullen. I would rather die than be without you again._ Taking his face in my hands, I needed him to see the seriousness in my eyes. _From this moment on all that I am and all that I am to become I give to you with a love that shall never die. I promise yours will be the only name I cry out in the night and yours will be the only eyes I look into at dawn. This and everything that is mine to give, I give to you freely for I have become yours forever._

His sad eyes lit up and his face broke out in that wonderful crooked smile I adored.

"Yes, Edward! Yes, I will marry you!" My voice came out as nothing more than a sexy breath. "I think it is customary to kiss the bride at this point." I whispered.

Pulling me tight into his embrace, he kissed me more passionately than he had ever dared before. My heart hammered wildly in my chest, skipping beats. My breath came in crazy gasps if I drew breath at all. When he released me, his breath blew heavily into my face making it that much harder for me to recover from his kiss. His amber eyes had darkened to a golden topaz.

"I promise you, when the time comes, I will give you everything your heart desires and more." His voice was a deep sensuous growl.

I was completely dazed, "Thank you."


	7. Chapter 7 Renee

Chapter Seven

Renée

Edward and I spent the early morning talking. Well, he talked and listened, while I thought. I told him about my conversation with Esme, which he didn't seemed to surprised about and he didn't fail to notice the part about my wedding night. I just couldn't block it out. I didn't come right out and try to discuss it, just skirted around the edges, but he refused say anything about the subject of turning me before the wedding, only saying that all good things come in time. He had already promised so, I didn't push it.

"Charlie is here with your mother." Edward sat with his eyes closed listening to their thoughts – I presumed. "Your mother is worried that you are going to drop the 'M bomb' as she thinks of it."

His comment produced a laugh that actually escaped me as a hilarious sounding squeak, causing me to wince and Edward to smile .

"Would you like me to stay while they visit?"

_What does Renée think about you being here?_

"She really wants to get to know me better before you start talking about marriage, so it's up to you."

_STAY!_

Charlie and Renée came through the door just in time to witness Edward dazzling me with a quick kiss and to see my face flush into so many shades of pink.

Edward greeted them both, offered Renée the one and only chair which, she took, but not before giving me a hug.

"Oh honey, are you okay? I was so worried after Charlie called and told me what happened."

I typed as fast as I could while she talked. "Mom, I'm fine! OK? Don't worry. I'm just sorry you came all this way and don't even get to see me go through graduation!"

"Oh my gosh! That's not important, well it is, but – I'm just so happy you're not dead! You could have been killed, Bella!"

_She is so over re-acting._

"Well, at least my life is never boring, huh?" I typed.

"This isn't funny! I can't believe even half of the accidents you've had in your life and I'm sure more than one or two near death experiences that you have never told me about!"

Charlie and Edward both laughed out load. I wanted to, but laughing was out of the question for a while. Renée seemed to have practiced up on her 'mom' skills. I could not remember the last time she had given me such a scolding.

"Mom, please don't make me laugh! It hurts!" I swiveled the laptop so she could read it.

"Oh, Bella I'm sorry – I'm just so worried about you." She rested her head on her hand.

"Mom, I have pretty much accepted that I am a danger magnet! I really try not to get hurt, but stupid stuff like this always seems to happen to me!"

"I know honey and I'm not blaming you, except for the dirt bike thing. I have no idea what you were thinking." She said as she shook her head.

I stared at Charlie, giving him the dirtyest look I could manage – I couldn't believe he had told her.

"I didn't mean to tell her. It's just after you sold the thing it just kinda slipped out." He smiled shrugging his shoulders.

"I just couldn't believe that Edward let you do that! If he knows you at all…"

My mouth dropped open as I mouthed 'Mom' in shock.

"Wait a second, Renée." Charlie spoke up laughing, "You can't blame Edward for that. He wasn't even here – if he had known, he would've never let her get on that bike, much less buy it! I don't know how many times he's kept her out of harms way and frankly, I would be afraid to ask, but I know he would never let her go off and do something stupid like that."

"I'm really sorry Edward, I just thought it was you who encouraged her to buy a dirt bike." It was obvious that Renée had been under that impression since she found out.

"Actually, it was Jacob Black that fixed the bike up and taught her how to ride." replied Charlie. "Anyway, Bella, when are you getting out of this place, huh?"

Edward answered for me, "My father said she needs to stay one more night." He gave me a look that I wasn't sure about, his golden eyes were soft and concerned. "They need to know what happened this morning." He said quietly.

I felt my whole body slump and thought to him, _please edit out all the unnecessary stuff, okay?_

"Jacob Black came by this morning around 4:30. My mother had stayed with Bella and knew that Jacob was her friend so she let him come in."

"He is her friend, isn't he?" asked Renée.

"Well, he used to be, but he's been upset with Bella since I came back to Forks. Everyone at school knew Bella and I were… together. Jacob knew it also." Edward looked at me, "I didn't move away because I didn't love her anymore…" He paused, "I had to go with my family."

I was utterly amazed. Edward Cullen was declaring his love for me to my parents. All I could do was to wait for Renée's reaction.

"Jacob befriended her while I was gone and mistakenly took her friendship for much more than it actually was. When I came back, he changed. He came here this morning and asked Bella to marry him."

"WHAT?" Charlie and Renée said in unison. "What was he thinking? Besides that, he's only 16 years old! I wonder if Billy knows about this?"

All I could do was shrug my shoulders and shake my head at the absurdity of it all.

"When Bella refused his proposal, he became angry and made threats against my family and I." Edward finished.

"He couldn't be serious, could he?" Renée was shocked.

Charlie spoke up, "Unfortunately, Jacob's dad, Billy, has some stupid unfounded hatred for the Cullen's. He used to make all kinds of accusations against them and for a while there, I had to put an end to my friendship with him. I knew Dr. Cullen and his family and I just couldn't take it anymore." Charlie's voice was sad. "Jacob was always a real nice boy until he started hanging around with an older crowd out there in La Push. They were the first ones to come help out when…." He stopped. Edward's eyes went down to the floor. "It was one of their group that found Bella in the woods after she had wondered too far from the house and gotten lost the day Edward had to leave. They are also the same group that went out searching for the girl that wolf had dragged off. We still haven't found any trace of her or the wolf."

"Bella, honey, what are we going to do with you?" Renée was shaking her head at me.

"Nothing, mom, I have my own plans." I typed.

She eyed me for a second, "I hope these plans include going to college." She said slowly.

"Of course, but those are not my most immediate plans."

"Oh really? And what, I am afraid to ask, are your most immediate plans?"

_Here we go,_ I thought to Edward, I bit my lower lip. _I'm just going to type it all out so get ready._

"My SAT scores were really high and I have a list of the colleges that I want to attend. I've worked very hard and saved all my money and put it away for school so you and Charlie won't have to pay a penny. But before I go to any college…Edward and I are getting married."

There it was.

Right there on the screen for both of them to read. I waited for their reaction.

Of course, having already known, Charlie just smiled.

Renée didn't do or say anything, just looked down at the floor.

Looking up at Edward, I wondered what was he reading from her? He smiled, closed his eyes and nodded slightly .

Renée took a deep breath, "Charlie told me this was coming." She was smiling, so that was a good sign, "You know, I really wanted you to wait until you were older and not make the mistakes I did but…I understand, you are not me and Edward is definitely not Charlie. I just hope that growing up listening to me go on about what I did wrong will keep you from falling into that same trap." She stood up and kissed my forehead then sat back down. "Have you set a date yet?"

I did let out a squeaky laugh that time. Edward and I had never even talked about a date, mostly because I had never given him an answer before that morning.

"Well, she just said 'yes' this morning so, we hadn't gotten that far." Edward was almost glowing with happiness. "Actually, I asked her a long time ago, she just decided to make me wait until she was ready to answer."

"Does your family know?" Renée asked.

"I'm sure they do by now. Bella informed my mother that she was going to say yes sometime around one o'clock this morning. I'm just surprised Alice hasn't been here yet. She's probably off making all kinds of wedding plans." He paused for a moment. I was sure he was listening to Renée before going on to try to calm any fears she had. "We will be living with my family while we attend college, but first I had planned on taking Bella on a long honeymoon. My family and I have traveled a lot and I can't wait to share that with her."

"How you can afford a honeymoon like that?" She seemed in awe that someone Edward's age could have that kind of money.

"Renée!" Shocked by her question, Charlie practically shouted.

"I'm sorry, Renée, Bella must not have shared that information with you, but my family is very well off. If it were up to me, Bella would never have had a job. However, she is very independent and stubborn and refused to let me give her anything like a new car. Please don't worry about where we will be living and where the money will come from. It's all taken care of." Edward gave Renée one of those enthralling smiles of his and she just melted.

"Well, that's extremely nice to hear, Edward." Smiling at me, she raised her eyebrows. "I was really hoping that you would stay with me in Port Angeles while I'm here. I wanted to buy you some new clothes or something. Do you think that Dr. Cullen will let you do that if you feel up to it?"

Three days in a hotel room with Renée? Normally, it would be great, but all I could think of was how much I would miss Edward. I looked up at him and knew he heard me.

"I'm afraid Bella would do it even if my father said no." Was he trying to get rid of me for a few days? He nodded to indicate he heard my thought. "I think it would be wonderful for her."

After what seemed like hours of discussion on where I would attend college and what I would major in, I was more than ready for my parents to give me and Edward break. Through the morning I shared many secret thoughts with Edward, reveling in the joy that he could now hear my most intimate thoughts and that sharing my feelings in that way was not as horrible as I had always thought it would be.

Then, Renée pointed out the fact that I had no excuse to not keep in touch since Alice had given me the new laptop. I made sure both Charlie and Renée understood that I couldn't possibly keep such an expensive gift. The truth was, there was no way I could have any electronic communication device within my reach once Edward changed me. In the corner where he had stood silently for the last couple of hours, Edward's expression changed. Even his over all body language changed, it was as if I could almost feel his resignation to the fact that he would soon be the cause of so much more pain than I had ever felt before. He still didn't seem to understand that none of that mattered. I would endure any pain to be with him, including the separation from Charlie and Renée.

_Edward... Edward... Look at me. _

His warm ocher eyes locked onto mine.

_You know why I can't keep it… Once you change me, it would be nothing but a temptation. You understand don't you?_

The nod of his head was barely noticeable, but his smile told me he understood.

"Charlie, Renée, it's really not a problem. Alice will totally understand. Besides, Alice never has any trouble returning things there. She's lucky that store has always had a great return policy."

Charlie and Renee finally stepped out for lunch, leaving me alone with Edward for the first time in hours. Edward didn't stir from his place against the wall, did nothing but look at me, his eyes twinkling as he read my every thought.

_Okay, it's been almost three hours since you last kissed me and I can hardly stand it. What am I going to do without you for three days?_

A huge mischievous smile stretched across his beautiful face. "Suffer."

_Don't make me come over there._ I threatened.

He raised one eyebrow as he took slow deliberate steps toward my bed. Chills broke out on my skin as I waited for him to cross the small room. By the time he lowered his head to kiss me, I was almost panting in anticipation. He came within an inch of my face, so close I could almost taste him.

"You need to go with Renée. I have an errand to run but I will be back very soon." He turned his charm on me and refusing him became almost impossible.


	8. Chapter 8 Declaration

Chapter Eight

Declaration

I hadn't seen Edward in almost three days. His absence was actually painful for me. I had become so accustomed to his presence in the night that I had a horrible time sleeping without him if not next me singing softly, then just in my room. Aching for his touch, I longed to see his beautiful face and feel his guarded kisses on me. I was totally addicted and going through withdrawals without him.

Lying in the hotel bed, I listened to Renée's soft even breathing in the bed next to mine. Knowing the chances I would ever see her again after I married Edward were next to zero, I did my best to be good company for her. I needed to know that I left her with happy memories of the time we shared here together.

I thought of how sad she would be, how heartbroken both her and Charlie would be after I dropped off the face of the earth. I wondered if there would ever be a time I could contact them just to let them know I was all right. They would never attend any college graduation with me. There would never be a grandchild to spoil. I had thought all these things through and refused to allow myself any regrets for my choices.

It had been the same every night I spent in the hotel. I tried to lay still and hold onto an image of Edward in my mind as I lay awake for hours, not even feeling the least bit tired. Eventually, I would always fall to sleep.

_The forest was dark and unfamiliar. The trees so different from what I was familiar with. Even the stars in the clear deep blue sky were wrong. I was running so fast, chasing something ahead of me, a strange force driving me on. My throat was burning, on fire, needing desperately to be quenched. I couldn't see them, but their scent was heavy and sweet in the air. Whatever they were, they were frightened of me and I could almost taste them already. _

_I had to run faster. Go forward. Faster. My feet barely touched the ground. Finally the scent was so strong, I knew I was almost on top of them. Suddenly, I stopped, and without a sound, leaned against a tree before peering around to see them. Silently, I inched from behind just far enough to see what it was that drove me on. _

_A pack of wolves. Exhausted. Panting. Frightened. Mulling around one another in every direction. I must have been chasing them for quite some time. They turned when they caught my scent. At the moment I sprang at them, I knew something was wrong. Their fear of me disappeared. My flight toward them seemed to last forever and as I came closer I could see them phase into the werewolves I knew so well. Not being able to stop my forward momentum, I fell, scrabbling at the dirt trying to run away, but they were on top of me tearing at me, ripping parts of me away with their huge sharp teeth. The pain was horrendous and once the screaming started, it did not stop. I screamed and screamed and screamed_.

Less than an hour after I had fallen asleep, I was startled awake, clutching at my pillow muffling the unsuccessful screams that squeezed through my throat. Tears poured from my eyes soaking the fabric. When I had calmed down, I flipped the pillow over so Renée wouldn't see and start questioning me. The last thing I wanted was for her to think I had any doubts about marrying Edward.

Getting out of the bed, I headed for the shower. In the bathroom I looked into the mirror expecting to see dark circles under my eyes from so little sleep and was surprised when I seemed to look fine, my eyes only slightly bloodshot from crying. It was so weird. I looked as if I had slept wonderfully for the last three nights instead of a total of maybe six hours. I didn't feel tired in the least.

I had been having a wonderful time with Renée and hadn't realized how much I had missed her company. I was still having a hard time with my voice. It was the strangest sensation trying to talk with such a small amount of air passing through my vocal cords. I continually had to stop just to exhale. So, I let Renée do all the talking she wanted.

She talked a lot about Phil and how she wished I could come see her more often. She and I had gone shopping everyday and when we found the bridal store, I didn't make any fuss about trying _so many_ wedding gowns. Her eyes would well up with tears each time I came out with a different dress on. None of the dresses were exactly what I had pictured in my head so we left without putting one on hold. I knew Alice would probably have picked one out for me already anyway. Something strapless showing the most exposure of neck and cleavage. Something just for Edward.

Charlie had come from Forks to take Renée to the airport and drive me home, but we stopped to have dinner first. We sat outside on the patio of the restaurant and watched the sun go down while we ate. It was the same Italian restaurant that Edward and I had come to after he rescued me from the jerks in the alley.

_Our first date. _

Charlie and Renée seemed so happy, laughing and kidding around. You would never have thought they were divorced. They were almost too happy. So much so, that I started to get suspicious.

Just then, I felt hands on my shoulders and an ice-cold kiss on my cheek. "Edward!" I squeaked, excitedly.

"I've missed you." He kissed my lips softly. His eyes were that wonderful warm amber color and his skin was slightly flushed. He must have hunted well last night.

Oh, and I knew what that meant too! I was going home tonight and when he came to my room, I would be able to get close to him, very close. I felt my face flush with excitement. He smiled at me and his eyes ran all over my face watching the color rush into my cheeks. His smile grew wider in those few seconds as he listened to my thoughts of the coming evening. Charlie and Renée seemed very excited to see him there.

"I have something for you." Edward knelt before me, handing me a small silver box tied with a silver ribbon.

_Edward, what have you done? _I cocked my head to one side.

"Open it." His smile was so wonderful. My mind could never quite hold his image in all his perfection.

Slowly, I opened it, tears filling my eyes the second I saw it. I had never seen such a beautiful ring in my life. In the center of the tiny box, a diamond sparkled at me. It was nestled in between two eternity bands, one of emeralds, the other of rubies. I looked at Renée and Charlie and they had the biggest smiles plastered on their faces. _They knew._ Edward had planned this, I was sure of it. He would have wanted my parents to witness this for my sake. And it worked; I had never seen them so happy.

"Do you like it?" He asked as if he didn't already know.

I was speechless! All I could do was nod my head and smile like a lunatic. I hugged him fiercely. Then wiped the tears that had streamed down my hot cheeks.

"Bella, I looked for a long time before I found exactly what I wanted to give you. I picked this ring because it symbolizes all that I feel for you." Edward said softly. With this ring he was declaring his promise to me. Taking the tiny box from me, he pulled the diamond engagement ring from the center and took my left hand.

"Bella, I will love you forever." Then he slipped the ring on my finger and kissed my hand. It fit perfectly.

Leaning forward, I kissed him softly and carefully. I looked him in the eye and thought to him, _Do you have any idea how much I love you?_

He answered me without thinking, "Yes, I do."

I hugged him around the neck, _Please take me home! _Then released him.

"Oh, Edward! This is such a beautiful ring!" Renée had taken my hand and was turning it this way and that. "It looks like an antique. Where did you find such a ring? What an usual style."

"It is an antique. It was made in 1901," He looked at me and I got it. This ring was made the year he was born. "The style is called 'Edwardian'." He let loose that sparkling smile of his.

"It's perfect." I whispered. _Just like you._

"Would it be alright if I take Bella home tonight?" He asked.

"Absolutely, Edward." Charlie said gladly.

Jumping up, I hugged Renée and whispered, "Thanks for everything. You are the most wonderful mom in the world! I love you so much!"


	9. Chapter 9 Never Ordinary

Chapter Nine

Never Ordinary

As we walked to his car I couldn't help the thoughts flying through my head. I wanted to run straight to the Volvo just to get him alone, wrap my arms around him and kiss his wonderful cold lips. But, Edward deliberately walked at a normal human pace. He opened the door and I sat down. He was in the driver's seat much too quickly for being in public. Leaning over, he ran his fingers along my chin as I wrapped my hand around his neck then, kissed him hard.

"You really missed me, didn't you?"

_You have no idea. Well, maybe some idea. _I kissed him again and again, lots of small little kisses. _Please stay with me tonight._

"That was the plan." He smiled and placed a finger next to his amber eye. "Just three days away from your scent and it still hit me like the first time I smelled you. With all the hunting I did and still I could eat you up right now." His voice was a low sexy growl.

Sitting back in my seat I thought to him. _Please don't take this the wrong way but I really want to enjoy you, this way, you know, my still being human and all, just one more night, okay?_

"Well, I'm afraid it will be a little longer than that." He said as he started the car then, backed out without even a glance behind us. "Alice would kill me if I changed you before the wedding." He shook his head. "She drove me nuts the whole time you were gone. I hope you don't mind, but I told her to plan the date for us, so long as it was as soon as possible, I'm not sure if I can wait much longer." His eyes flashed at me, "She has this whole moon and star chart thing going on, trying to find the date she saw in her vision."

"She's had a vision of our wedding?" It was too much to think it and the words spilled out in so many hisses and squeaks.

"Yes, and you were still human." He pulled me closer.

_I guess that means there's no chance you'll give in and change me before the wedding? _I wanted to sulk about still being human on my wedding night, but just couldn't get into the spirit.

"That was the deal, remember?" He sounded serious about this.

_Yes, but I was hoping that since the circumstances have changed that all deals were off._ He was silent; he wasn't going to give in. _We'll have to wait three days before we start our honeymoon. _I was so happy just to be with him, feel his cold arm around my shoulder that it was no use trying to sulk about having to wait.

Besides, I wasn't the only one suffering from anxiety; Edward was finally showing some enthusiasm for my coming change. _I hope she's planning a moonlight ceremony. _

"Well, actually it will be at twilight on the night of the next new moon."

_That sounds absolutely wonderful! _I relaxed into his rock hard side.

Now there was an actual date. Not just 'soon'.

He hugged me a little tighter. "The three days of your change will pass before you know it and then I promise to make it all up to you." I looked up at his angelic face completely and utterly happy. I thought he was going to kiss me when he leaned his mouth close to mine, but what he did do, I was not prepared for. He licked my cheek, from my jaw-line to my temple, with his ice-cold tongue, full and long.

When I came to, I thought he must have bit me. I wondered why I didn't feel on fire. However, under my skin, my muscles seemed to be twitching uncontrollably.

"Bella! You are unbelievable!" Edward was laughing and I could tell he had stopped the car. Looking at him, I was totally confused, having no idea what had just happened to me. "Bella, you fainted!"

"Well, you never did that before! I thought tongue things were off limits!" The disbelief in what just happened didn't come through in my weak speech.

"After all this time together, I thought you could handle it, but I guess your still only human after all." I knew he was just making a joke, but I pretended to sulk about it anyway. "Oh, you loved it." He pulled away from the side of the road, "You wish I'd do it again and I probably will later tonight." He looked down at me with those amber eyes of his and I knew I would let him if he tried. Especially if I knew it was coming.

I couldn't help but stare at the promise he had placed on my finger though I couldn't see it flash inside the dark interior of the car. I ran my fingers over it, trying to feel every little design as if I were reading Brail. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much.

"Would you like me to tell why I picked that particular ring?"

"Yes.'" I whispered.

"Well, the diamond represents fearlessness and invincibility, symbolizing my eternal love for you." He was looking into my eyes as he spoke, "The band of emeralds represents rebirth and symbolizes my faithfulness and devotion to you. And the band of rubies represents the never ending promise of my heart, symbolizing my eternal passion."

I understood all of his words and the true meaning they held for us and for our life together. Turning in my seat, I wrapped my arm around his waist, pressing my cheek into his cold hard chest as tears leaked out of my eyes. I sniffled. Edward ran his hand up and down my side and leaned his chin onto my head.

For the rest of the ride home, Edward quietly listened to my random thoughts, never commenting on anything he heard. I had always thought that having someone hear my thoughts would be horrifying because people think things they would never say out loud, but it seemed so natural with him. I couldn't help but think only of _him_. Everything about him filled my heart and mind.

As we pulled onto my street, the thought crossed my mind that I must sound like some crazy obsessive freak to him.

"Compared to me, not at all." His first and only comment straight out of the blue.

Pulling up in front of my house, I could see my old red truck parked in the driveway. Edward parked on the street leaving room for Charlie's cruiser to park behind my truck.

As Edward came around to open my door, I looked at my house there in the dark.

_This was the real world_.

All of a sudden, I remembered how totally ordinary I was compared to Edward and his family. I was just a plain human girl! How stupid could I be to think I deserved such happiness? To think I deserved Edward's attention?

"Stop that!" He scolded. He shut the car door, pressing me up against it with his body. Lacing his fingers through my hair, his thumbs gently stroked my cheeks. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. You are also much too brave and compassionate for your own good. You _never_ think of yourself first which, has put you in the most unbelievable danger." His voice softened, "If anyone here has behaved stupidly, it's me." He held me with his eyes. "I know you never planned to reveal the pain I put you through and, oh, how I wish I could take it all back. I wish there was something I could do to help you understand, I never meant any of that to happen."

"There is." I whispered. I brushed my lips softly against his, "Share yourself only with me… forever." I couldn't stop the tears that pooled in my eyes.

"Forever and ever." Wrapping an arm around my waist, he kissed me. Then, moved his mouth to my neck. Chills shot through me as I felt his cold breath on my skin. Then, it happened again. His ice-cold tongue slowly licked my neck. It took my breath away so suddenly I almost fainted again, but I fought it and didn't lose consciousness.

Once I began to breathe again, it was actually extremely pleasant. Like a frosty electric vibration had passed through me all the way down to my toes. I felt as if I had just run a marathon, my body had that tingly feeling you get after you run a long time. My muscles twitched all over. I placed my hands on his shoulders and breathed heavily for a minute or two trying to catch my breath, trying to slow my wild racing heart.

"I don't know what you're doing to me or if it is even safe but it feels really good!" I whispered. I just kept thinking, _Wow! Oh my gosh! Oh Edward, that's so nice…especially when I don't pass out! _

"Carlisle assured me this was safe so long as you didn't have any open wounds, but I was beginning to wonder since you fainted the first time." He pushed back from the car, "Do you think you can walk or should I carry you?" He was teasing me again.

_I'll be fine._ He took my hand and I was a little wobbly, but I made it to the door okay. I had thought it would be so nice to sleep in my own bed for a change when all of a sudden, I felt as if I would never need to close my eyes again. I was sure I could sleep if I had to, so as long as Edward was by my side, but I wasn't going to give in to sleep on my first night home. No way.

Edward unlocked the door and let me inside the dark house. As I reached for the light switch, Edward caught my hand and shut the door. Pulling me into his arms, I was ready for it. I could barely see him in the darkness even though his face was within an inch of mine. Placing his lips down on the hollow below my neck, he just breathed in deeply. I waited for it, barely breathing myself. He didn't do it. He was teasing me. Just then, I thought that maybe we had crossed too far over the line and suddenly I was….

"Ahh…freesias and…something …more." He stopped breathing just then. Lifting his face away from me, I could tell he was just looking at me in the dark, but I couldn't make out his expression. Were his eyes pitch black again? I desperately needed to see his face.

My heart was beating so wildly and I began gasping for air. I was not only excited but also… _scared_.

"I'm perfectly in control, Bella." He flicked on the light. His eyes were still light amber in color. "I think I'll let you calm down before you fall down. Carlisle and Charlie will be quite upset with me if I cause you to end up back in the hospital tonight." Picking me up, he carried me to the couch. Then he sat, holding me on his lap, shaking his head slightly with a smirk on his face and just barely breathing again.

"What?" Why was he looking at me like that? I was trying to take slow deep breaths.

"Nothing. Just thinking. I'm just trying to figure out why, when your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts are so strong, why is it that I could never hear them before? What has happened to unlock your thoughts to me? And, it's not just your thoughts, I swear I can feel something… your emotions, possibly. Your thoughts are not like anyone else's and that may be why…" His voice became softer, "why I have become a little more daring with what I am able to share with you."

_Share with me? Is that what you're doing?_ Esme said I would die if Edward attempted to share himself with me and now I could see why if just a flick of his tongue could cause me to faint…_Edward, Esme told me about what would happen if you shared yourself with me…_

"I know. I know exactly what you discussed with Esme." He had that wicked smile again. "And as you know I have also talked to Carlisle about what to expect. We discussed what I can and cannot share with you while you're still human. What should be safe and what could possibly cause me to lose control." He was looking into me. Reading my conflicting thoughts. I wanted him to share the safe stuff with me. I wasn't afraid he would lose control but how much could I handle before something happened to me? Something not so pleasant.

"I think it would be safer for you, considering your reactions, if we wait before I help you experience any other… emotions." He took me off his lap and set me on the couch next to him.

"I only fainted once!" This squeaky pleading whisper was just not getting the job done. "Come on! That's just not fair! You started it!" _This really sucks!_ Getting up, I stepped around the couch toward the kitchen.

"The only thing I think you'll be able to handle the rest of this night will be a plain old ordinary kiss." I was behind him in one step. He leaned his head back and I placed my hands on each side of his beautiful face.

"Your kisses are never plain and they are certainly never old and they are as far from ordinary that any kiss could ever be." Reaching his hand behind my head, he pulled me down to his icy mouth and gave me the most wonderful upside-down kiss. I was afraid my knees would buckle under me before we stopped. When he let me go, I folded my arms on the back of the couch and rested my head catching my breath. _I think you're right. I had better calm down before I fall down._

Reaching around the back of the couch he easily pulled me over lying next to me with his arms around me. He had the most wonderfully sinful smile on his face, "I believe I'll let you calm down later."

His cold lips moved slowly over every inch of my face, covering me in little kisses that I thoroughly enjoyed. Then he shifted on the couch, him lying stretched out fully beneath me as his fingers lightly moved over the small exposed patch of my lower back. Unbuttoning his first three buttons, I then laid my cheek against his stone cold chest, cooling the blush that had collected there as he kissed me.

Time seemed to pass so slowly in his arms and I wished I could stay like that with him forever, just holding him and being held by him, loved by him. However, I could hear Charlie's car coming down the road and knew he would be walking through the front door in just minutes.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" I snuggled as close as I could possibly get, not wanting the moment to end.

"Charlie's here, love."

"_I know, I hear his car."_ Pushing myself forward just a bit, I placed a kiss on his neck and felt his body react in more than one way. _We really need to get off this couch._

As if on command, Edward rose bringing me with him and headed toward the front door. We were headed out the door just as Charlie's cruiser pulled onto the brick driveway.

Waving at him, I tried to say 'Hi' but it just barely squeaked out. Edward said 'hi' also.

"Hey kids. Don't be to long Bella."

I whispered an 'okay' as Edward and I headed arm in arm toward his car.

"I won't keep her out here long, Charlie." Edward replied making it clear he was leaving.

Edward wrapped me in his arms and I held him as close as I could, wishing he never had to leave me. Waiting so impatiently for the time when we could stay wrapped in an endless embrace. When we could get so much closer, cross all the carefully set boundaries, love him with all of me. God, I didn't want to let him go.

"I'll be right back, my love."

I knew he would be. There would be nothing that could ever keep him from me again. And if he wanted to share a little something with me, I would be ready.

"Give me a few minutes, okay?" I couldn't keep the sound of pure anticipation from coming out in my whisper and I knew he could hear it.

"Absolutely." His voice as full of emotion as mine. He pressed a small kiss to my forehead then dropped his arms.

I turned and headed toward the front door and could feel his golden eyes on my every step. When I got to the door, I turned to see he had not moved to get into his car. The slight smile on his face was beyond sexy as he looked at me, causing me to blush all over again, as if he had never looked at me in such a way before.

_Edward?_

Suddenly, his eyes moved, catching mine.

_What are you looking at?_

His smile widened, flashing his brilliant razor sharp teeth in the darkness.

He answered in a unashamed affirmation of his love. Something I would cherish forever. "I'm looking at you."


	10. Chapter 10 Ready or Not

Chapter Nine

Ready or Not

"Good morning, beautiful." Edward's delightful whisper tickled my ear. His lips touched my neck directly under the ear lobe…my entire body broke out in gooseflesh and gave an involuntary shudder.

I looked over at the clock – _My first night home in my own bed and he wakes me up at six in the morning._

It was strange…I felt extremely well rested for having had only 3 hours of sleep. When Charlie came home after seeing Renée off at the airport, Edward left and drove his car home returning through my window as usual. I had missed him so much! We lay together in my small bed, his arms wrapped around me, just looking into each others eyes well into the early hours of the morning. I never felt tired or sleepy, but Edward insisted that I close my eyes and try to sleep. I kept telling him that I wasn't tired, but he threatened to leave if I didn't at least try so, I gave in and closed my eyes only to open them three hours later to the most gorgeous face in the world. I stretched as I ran my fingers through my tangled hair.

"Is Charlie still home?" I managed a husky whisper. I didn't know why I bothered since Edward was still able to hear my thoughts for some unexplained reason.

"Yes. He's trying to decide whether he should stay home with you or not. I think I'll give him a hand." He was out of the window in less than a second and I heard his car door slam, a little louder than normal, then the doorbell rang. I figured at some time while I slept, he did leave. He must have gone back to get his car.

"Hey, Edward," Charlie said, "You're here early. I don't know if Bella is even awake yet. But, you know what? I wasn't sure if I should stay home with her or go on to work, but since you're here I'll get going. I'll just run up and see if she's awake." I heard his boots on the stairs and a couple of hard pounding knocks on my door.

"Bells, are you up yet?"

I ran from my bed, no use trying to answer if he couldn't hear me. Opening my door, I rubbed my eyes and fingered through my messy hair.

"Did you want me to stay home with you today? I was just wondering because Edward's here and I'm sure you would rather spend the day with him."

I ran over and grabbed the laptop, sat on the edge of my bed and typed, "The sun is supposed to be out in full force today so I wanted to spend the day outside…maybe at the beach."

"Uh, maybe Edward wouldn't mind taking you." He called down the stairs, "Edward?"

"Yes."

"Bella wants to go to the beach or something, would you mind taking her?"

"I'd be happy to!" He replied, of course.

"Well," Charlie gave me a hug, "I'll see you later on. Please be careful today, okay? I don't want to come home and find one new bruise, bump or scratch on you." I smiled and gave him the OK sign. He went down the stairs, taking two at a time. I picked up my clean clothes, bathing suit for just in case and toothbrush. As I stepped into the hall I could hear Charlie talking to Edward.

"You know we haven't found any trace of that rogue wolf. A bunch of the boys from La Push have been helping us out in the search, but no one has found anything so far. Keep your eyes open if you decide to go for a hike or something, okay?" Charlie sounded really worried, "I really rather that Bella didn't leave the house at all. If she has any near death experiences, could you please just save her life and not tell me about it?" Charlie was laughing at the joke he had made as he walked to the door.

"I certainly will." I had to smile because Edward was still so formal with Charlie. And I knew his answer contained more truth than Charlie would ever know. I heard the front door open and close with a click. I stepped into the bathroom and listened as I heard Charlie's car start up and pull out of the driveway.

I turned on the water, brushed my teeth, rinsed and spit. Again the feeling he was in the room came over me. I looked up into the mirror and saw Edward's perfect reflection staring back at me. With one gliding step he was right behind me, gently pressing his body next to mine. He smiled at me in the mirror and began to slowly trace his fingers down my neck, across my shoulders, down my arms to the tips of my fingers. Just as deliberately, he slowly traced back up my arms and started down my back. Every place he touched me left a trail of what felt like electricity shooting through me. He slipped his fingers under my tank top and across the bare skin of my waist.

Our eyes were locked in the mirror for what seemed like an eternity. I had no willpower to fight his mesmerizing charm even if I had wanted to. Very quickly, I began to feel light headed… I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Then his voice broke through the haze in my head.

"Breathe." His whisper was a gentle breeze in my ear.

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath. Pulling air into my lungs, I became aware of the fact that I had been holding on to the sink for dear life. My fingers were cramped and I had to consciously make an effort to let go of the counter. I could hear the crazy way my heart was beating in my own ears and knew that Edward was not only hearing it, but also feeling it through his fingertips as well.

In the mirror I saw Edward lean toward my neck, his lips brushing the space between my neck and shoulder. Suddenly, his razor sharp teeth were against my delicate skin and I knew that with the slightest pressure he could slice right into me. I held my breath and though I couldn't stop the insane pounding of my heart, I stood completely still. Then, what felt like ice water drizzled down my skin. Venom. I could see it sparkling in the bright light of the bathroom as it disappeared under my tank top.

"Are you ready?" He whispered.

Was he ready _now_? I couldn't see his eyes.

Stunned, the first thought to pop in my head was _Oh please! Not next to the toilet!_

He laughed and shook his head. "I meant are you ready to go?"

"Oh really? Do I look ready?" I whispered. I spun around and put one hand on the door and waited for him to step out so I could shower. "You are such a tease, you know that?"

He smiled and stepped back into the hall. I closed the door and almost pushed the lock and then thought,_ Why bother?_

"If I wanted in that bad, there is no lock that could keep me out." I heard him say from the other side of the door.

_I know_. I smiled to myself knowing how true that statement was and how much of a gentleman he was that he wouldn't dare open that door.

_Would you mind giving me some privacy while I'm in here?_ I thought to him.

"Absolutely."

I turned the shower on hot and let it warm me all over. His venom had left an icy trail on my skin that I couldn't seem to warm up. I felt the scratches that Jacob had cut into me on the other side of my neck. They were very hot, as if they were infected, but Carlisle said they were healing fine. They looked fine to me also. No redness, no sign of an infection. I scrubbed them with soap just in case. I also scrubbed the wounds Victoria had left on my wrist just as I had for the last three days. It seemed really silly, but it made me feel a little better. Now I had two icy white scars, one on each side, one from James and one from his mate. I stepped from the shower and stood wrapped in my towel trying to decide whether I should put my bathing suit on under my clothes or not.

"I'm not taking you to the beach if that helps your decision." I heard him say from the other side of the door.

_Edward! So much for privacy!_

"I thought privacy meant not to break down the door and attempt to bite you or something right next to the toilet!" He was laughing so hard I could hardly understand him.

_Oh please!_

I dressed and opened the door to find Edward exactly where I had left him, right outside the door.

"You know, Charlie really doesn't want you to leave the house."

_Yeah, I heard. I heard everything he said._

"Well, we could stay in." He was smiling that wonderfully crooked smile that usually melted me. But, after last night and as our wedding night grew closer and closer, I had found that I couldn't be satisfied with the boundaries we pushed at, but were still forced to stick to. I was desperate to be with him and I was afraid he felt the same about me. I didn't want to let anyone down just because I lost control in the heat of passion. He looked at me with his topaz eyes and listened to my internal arguing.

"Bella, I promise I won't let you go too far." Lowering my eyes, I walked past him to my room. I threw my things on the bed and stood staring at the wall.

"What about you, Edward? Who would stop you from going too far?" I whispered aloud. "As you have pointed out to me many times, even though I would never refuse you, I could never fight you off either." I couldn't believe what just came out of my own mouth. Feelings that I had buried down so far I didn't even know they were there. Even though I had made the choice to be with him forever and I knew all that my decision entailed, somewhere deep inside, I was afraid. I was afraid for Charlie and Renée and what my disappearance would do to them, I was afraid of Jacob's threats to hunt down my new family and kill them. I was afraid that in becoming a vampire I would change so drastically that Edward would regret ever having bitten me. Would he still want me? But, most of all, I was afraid he was ready right now. As these thoughts flashed through me I knew that Edward heard them too.

"Finally! I was beginning to wonder if you were really human or not." He picked me up and swung me around in circles as if we were dancing. "Isabella Swan, you are afraid of me!" He kissed me hard and quick. His voice low with a bit of a growl right in the back of it. "Did you know that the smell of fear is one of the most intoxicating scents there is? I smelled it on you last night. That's why I stopped. Why I would only kiss you."

I had my hands on his shoulders ready to try and push away from him. I really was scared. He put my feet on the floor, let me go and stepped back.

"Bella, you have nothing to fear from me." He had turned on his incredible charm and I was instantly dazzled.

I whispered, "I'm ready." As soon as the words left my mouth I saw eyes darken and a smile cross his face. "I mean I'm ready to go now." I quickly corrected. "You know, to leave."

We headed down the stairs and as I got close to the door, Edward took my hand and pulled me into his arms.

"You were right, you know?" He placed his nose right under my ear and breathed deeply. I shuddered from head to toe. "I am a tease."

I could have given in to him totally right at that moment, but he let me go, spun me around and gave me a little push through the open the door.


	11. Chapter 11 The Meadow

Chapter Eleven

The Meadow

Edward had refused to tell me where we were going. We had taken his car and as soon as he took a couple of turns through the heavily forested roads, I knew exactly where we were going, the meadow. He stopped at the beginning of the trail and I happily climbed on his back. We hadn't been back to this place together since he had left. He didn't run as fast as I knew he was capable of so I thoroughly enjoyed the ride.

He let me down just before we came out of the trees. As soon as I was standing at the edge of what had been my most favorite place on earth, I found I wasn't as happy to be there as I thought I should be. Even with Edward at my side, the meadow had lost some of it's magic for me. The feeling had changed. We stood in the shadows of the huge trees only a few steps from the warm sunshine. Only a few stray clouds dotted the sky.

I looked at the little clumps of flowers that held their faces up to the sun. The soft grass called to me. It was so hard for me to take those last couple of steps and try to wipe out the bad memories that I had held on to including the dream of Jacob.

Edward must have heard the sadness in my thoughts.

"It smells of werewolf." He wrinkled his nose and looked around as if one were lurking somewhere nearby.

_That's probably my fault._

"Why would you think that?" He asked still looking into every dark corner that surrounded us.

_Oh, it's a long story… _Thoughts flashed through my head at the speed of light. I seemed to have no control over them no matter how I tried to stop them – _when you left me - when you were gone – when I was alone – I was dead without you – I killed Jake here… STOP!_

I tried to get them in order, but it seemed so useless. Every thought seemed to crash into Edward. He pulled me into his arms and set his chin on top of my head.

"It's all right. Slow down and try that again."

How could I possibly make sense of my thoughts when they came at the speed of light?

"I wish I could just forget the past sometimes!" I wanted to scream it, but it just didn't have the right effect coming out through my still swollen vocal cords.

He squeezed me in an almost bone crushing hug. "We need our memories, Bella. I never want to make the same mistakes I have made in the past." His voice was so heartbreaking, "I know now that neither of us could survive without the other. I thank Carlisle everyday for making the decision to change me when he did, otherwise I would have died without ever knowing you. Without ever feeling this way."

Tears filled my eyes. _I thank him everyday too! _I took a deep breath, not that it calmed me in anyway to breathe in Edward's beguiling smell, but what else could I do?

_Okay, I'll try again._ I calmed myself enough to start from the beginning, _Remember when I told you that I did every possible dangerous thing I could just to hear your voice in my head?_ I felt his chin move in a nod. _Well, finding this meadow was one of my ways of keeping you alive. I was terrified that I would forget you, that I would forget your face, your smell, your voice and all the wonderful magical things about you. So, I had Jacob help me search for this place. Of course I never told him why I wanted to find it so badly. This was before I knew what he was changing into. Then after he refused to see me, I came here and found it on my own. That was when Laurent was here. When I saw him across the meadow, for just a second I thought it was you. _

Looking up at his face, he gave my nose a little kiss. I put my cheek against his cold chest and went on, _I was terrified when the werewolves came. They looked like a crazy twisted cross between a bear and a wolf and I thought they would tear me to shreds. I was so shocked when they took off after Laurent. I just ran and ran and never looked back. I never came here again after that. _

He let me tell my story without interruption. Why was it now that he could read my thoughts, I couldn't stop pouring my heart out?

"I wish that I could share my thoughts with you, Bella." He placed his hand against my cheek lifting my face up to his, "All I can do is hope that you believe me when I say… I also have become yours forever."

_My vows! _They sounded so wonderful coming from his mouth.

"Those are beautiful wedding vows. Did you write them?"

_No, not exactly. I pieced them together from vows I found on the Internet. Right after you asked me to marry you, I spent hours at the Newton's store looking them up when we were really slow. _I couldn't help but gaze into his amber eyes, _You don't think they're too sappy, do you? _

"Do you think your ring is sappy?"

I shook my head, _Not at all! I love it!_

"Then Isabella Swan, I will be honored to recite your vows at our wedding." He pressed his other hand onto my face and held me there, "But I want you to know that there is no need for a wedding now, if you would rather not…"

I smiled and thought about it for a couple of seconds. I really didn't mind and one wedding would be all I'd ever need.

_Well, I don't think I could face Alice again if I didn't let her plan a twilight wedding for us._ I giggled.

"She'll get over it, I think. But, I have had a picture in my head of our wedding night and I believe I would really miss seeing your blood trickle down your beautiful neck, staining your white wedding gown." He traced his fingers down my neck to the top of my breast. His eyes told me he was very serious. It sent chills through me to hear him talk that way about changing me. He felt me shudder violently. His eyes grew a shade darker.

"Did I scare you again?"

"Don't mistake my reaction for fear, Edward Cullen. I'm way past the running and screaming stage." I was able to get a little more than a whisper out that time and he heard the conviction not only in my voice, but also in my head.

"Then what was all that for?"

"Anticipation."

"You are one insane human, you know that don't you?" He said with his wonderful crooked smile.

_Would you want me any other way?_

His smile grew even larger and his eyes stayed dark, "Oh, I can think of a few ways I want you right now." He clicked his teeth, licked his lips and smiled wickedly down at me.

_You are sure in a mood this morning Edward. I'm beginning to wonder if I should be alone with you at all so close to our wedding. _I took a step back from him.

"I'll be happy to take you to a nice crowded beach and drop you off for the day, if you would feel safer." I wasn't sure if he was serious or not, but I wasn't about to take the chance.

_No, that's okay. I'll make the best of it here._

Wrapping my arms around his waist, I felt the immediate temperature change against his cold hard chest. I needed to get out into the sun. I needed to feel it's on warmth my back. I pulled myself from his embrace and stood looking at him. Reaching up, I began to unbutton his shirt.

_I need to fix this shirt._ I thought to him. Then I stopped at the next button._ Do you think you can handle it or would you consider this going too far?_

He nodded; his eyes had gone back to their amber state. "I can handle it."

I unbuttoned every button and opened his shirt to expose his entire chest. My mind was racing with the most erotic thoughts as I traced my fingers down his granite chest.

"Bella, if you continue to have such wonderfully sensual thoughts, I won't be able to handle it for very long."

_So, block me out. But now that we're here, I am going to enjoy this whether you block out me or not._

Taking his hands in mine, I backed out of the shade and into the sun, pulling him out until the sun shone only on his hands. They were amazing. I ran my thumbs over the back of them. His sparkling diamond skin never ceased to take my breath away.

Even more slowly, I walked backwards pulling him out towards the center of the meadow – never taking my eyes from him. As he lay down in the tall grass, I stood above him, completely captivated by the lights coming off his skin. I knelt down next to him, lost in his unbelievable beauty, almost afraid to touch him. Reaching out my hand, I began tracing my fingers over his marbled skin. He smiled, closing his eyes, giving into the pleasure of my touch.

I had no idea how long I sat doing nothing but touching his bare chest, starring at the little rainbows of light that flashed off his granite skin.

I thought his name, but he didn't reply. He had truly blocked me out and that was fine with me.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes?"

"What made you want to reveal yourself to me?"

"By the time I had brought you here, I had already found that I loved you more than my own life and I wanted you to know what I truly am so that knowing the truth, your fascination with me could end." He opened his eyes and looked at me. "I was so certain that you would be terrified of me and go running home to your mother and never tempt me again." He closed his eyes and smiled, "Obviously, I was wrong."

Suddenly, I realized that he hadn't been breathing this whole time. He only took in enough breath to speak.

"Why did you stop breathing?" I whispered

"Your scent changes when you become…aroused." He smiled without opening his eyes. "Normally, your blood just sings to me and I've been able to control myself so far. But at times like this, your blood screams to me and I have been finding it increasingly difficult to not sink my teeth into you."

He took only very small breathes through his mouth. I couldn't help thinking _'What are you waiting for? I don't need to have a wedding! '_ He had blocked me out so completely that I had to repeat it out loud.

Edward turned his head, opened his eyes and said, "I have been waiting for you to say your good-byes."

_What? There is nothing I could do to make my disappearance any easier on Charlie and Renée. No matter what I did, I would still be gone forever._ "Edward, I'm ready to leave this life behind. I'm ready right now." He could see that I was serious. His hand drifted down from behind his head to rest on his stomach. He became perfectly still once again.

Just then a cloud drifted in front of the sun and the entire meadow seemed to go silent. Without the light from the sun, the beauty of his skin was hidden from me. I leaned over and kissed him in the center of his hard chest, startling him. He took in a huge breath and within the blink of an eye he was standing on his feet, staring across the meadow.

I had barely registered his movement when he said, "Your father is here."

"What?" It came out cracking and squeaking.

"Someone is with him – he thinks he is coming to find remains – Victoria's I believe." He sniffed the air, "Jacob Black." He growled.

I stared at the spot he was looking at and could see nothing at all through the trees. "Why would Jacob bring Charlie here?"

"Bella, sometimes you are so naïve." He whispered.

Looking up at him in total confusion, I got to my feet and stood next to him. Then it hit me.

"Run Edward! Run now!" I pushed at him, but it was like pushing on a concrete pillar. He did not even sway.

"They're here." He said quietly.

"Please Edward, RUN!" I was straining to yell.

"No, I won't run. Jacob knew we were here – it was him. He is the wolf I smelled this morning. He was here watching. He must have followed us from your house and then left to bring your father here." He looked down at me, "In blocking you out so completely, I also blocked out their approach."

"But he'll see you!" I began pushing at him again, angry tears filling my eyes, "At least run under the trees, please! The sun Edward!"

"It's too late, Bella." He seemed so calm. Dead calm.

"Bella? Edward?" Charlie's voice came from just across the meadow, under a tree right at the edge. Jacob was standing right next to him. His face was full of hatred and jealousy. Edward was right, I was naïve. Jacob was about to destroy my life.

"I thought you two were going to the beach."

"There was a change of destination." Edward's silky voice was more than calm, it was hypnotic. I could see from where I stood that it was already affecting Charlie. His eyes seemed to glaze over. He looked as if he were thinking really hard on what he needed to say. He continued to take small steps towards us, then, stopped.

"I came looking for that girl's remains. Jacob said he found them here." His speech was very slow. From the corner of my eye I saw Edward's body tense up, he looked as if he were getting ready to defend or attack.

"You will never find anything here, Chief Swan. There are no remains left to be found." Charlie was staring into the distance. I had never seen Edward use that power before. I seemed to be unaffected as was Jacob. His hateful posture hadn't changed at all and Charlie looked so small next to him.

"Charlie, there's plenty to see here. Let me show you something you will not believe." Charlie's eyes began to clear at the sound of Jacob's fierce growl.

Everything happened so fast. Charlie's gun was in Jacob's hand and pointed directly at Edward's chest. The first shot thundered through the quiet meadow.

I didn't even think… I acted.

I threw myself in front of Edward and the second shot hit me full on in the chest. I felt as if I were hit by lightening and slammed into a brick wall. My lungs felt crushed by the force of the impact and I could hardly breathe. Edward had caught me in his arms and slowly lowered me to the ground.

He whispered to me, his sweet breath flowing into my mouth giving me strength, "Hold on my love, please hold on."

_Don't worry, I'll never let go._

I smiled knowing that I had plenty of time. My wound couldn't be that bad. There was hardly any pain, at least nothing compared to the pain I felt when vampire venom flowed through my veins. Now that was real pain. It seemed a strange type of comparison to be making as I lay bleeding in the grass. No, a bullet wound really didn't hurt much at all.

I heard Charlie yell my name, "Bella!" and as I looked over in his direction, I saw him rip the gun from Jacob's hand and scream in his face, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

He ran the few steps that separated us and knelt on the ground next to me. His hands were trembling as he reached out for me. "Oh my God, Bella. It's going to be okay, just lie still." He pulled my tank top down enough to see where the bullet had entered my body. "Just stay still, honey, okay?"

I couldn't stand to see the worry that was written all over Charlie's face. Looking up from where I lay in the tall soft grass, I could see Edward's gorgeous face so far above me. I could see his eyes had become completely black.

_Edward, please! Just take me away from here._

He looked away from me toward Jacob.

"Jacob, if I don't save her, she will die." Edward's voice was dangerously calm. "Is that what you wanted to accomplish?"

"Bella, Oh Bella, I'm so sorry." Jacob spoke as if he couldn't breathe. Even though he stupidly came to the meadow fully intending to save me from eternal damnation as a vampire, it still hurt me to see the tears that poured out of his eyes. I watched as his entire body rippled into his full werewolf form. He disappeared from the meadow as if he had never been there.

Charlie was looking at me the entire time and never saw Jacob's transformation. Edward bent and easily picked me up from the ground as I wrapped my arms around his neck. The pain in my chest really couldn't compare to a vampire bite, this was just kind of annoying. I didn't think it could possibly be that bad.

"My car is this way – we can't wait for the paramedics to find us – we'll have to meet them on the way." I heard the sound of Charlie's radio being pulled from his belt, "Can you carry her Edward?" All his years of training kept Charlie thinking straight.

Just then, the sun burst through the lone cloud in the sky and Edward's skin blinded Charlie with all its brilliance. Charlie gasped and took a couple of steps back from Edward.

"Who…What are you?" He whispered. His face completely drained of color but he didn't seem scared, only awestruck with wonder at the sight of the millions of rainbows that reflected off Edward's exposed skin.

My voice cracked but the words came out clear, "He's my angel."

"What?" Charlie was stunned.

"I am her angel." Edward smiled and pulled me closer to him. I tucked my head under his chin. "I'm sorry Charlie, but there's no time. She will not survive unless I save her and I refuse to let her die." Edward paused for a second. "Charlie, I'm so sorry. It was not supposed to happen this way."

"Bella?" Charlie's voice was filled with confusion and so far beyond sad. I reached out my hand to him and smiled, "I love you, daddy."


	12. Chapter 12 Halfway to Anywhere

Chapter Twelve

Halfway to Anywhere

Edward cradled me tightly in his arms as he ran. The trees were such a sickening blur as we flew past, I had to keep my eyes shut or risk getting sick. I was already feeling extremely lightheaded. He ran faster than I had could have ever imagined. Running to save my life. Taking me somewhere away from the meadow, away from Charlie. Away from everything I had ever known. I knew from the frantic pace he had set that I would never be going back to that life. At least, not as a human.

Charlie had seen him. Seen the sun light up his pale skin, revealing my glorious dark angel. There was no turning back.

"_It was not supposed to happen this way."_ Edward's last words played repeatedly in my head. _Oh Charlie. Oh Daddy._

Suddenly, the sound of quiet voices replaced the rushing noise of the wind through the trees. I was inside somewhere. I didn't know if I had the strength to even open my eyes. It took all I had left just to keep breathing even though every ragged breath made me wish to pass out.

"Everything's ready." Alice's voice was so tight, as if she were trying desperately not to cry. "Oh, Edward, you will change her! She _will_ survive!"

"Lay her here." Carlisle's calm soothing voice came from very close to me.

It had taken only minutes, Edward had run from the meadow all the way to his house, but he still seemed to be running. Though I didn't dare open my eyes, he seemed to be darting aimlessly around the room, trying to find someplace safe to lay me down.

_Just put me down. Please, anywhere, Edward!_

Suddenly he stopped, placing me somewhere high, but not on the couch. My back lay against a cool hard surface, although not on the floor.

A soft chilly hand rested on my forehead, brushing the tangle of hair from my face.

"Bella, don't be afraid. We are all here for you." The sweet voice of the woman who would be my new mother, Esme. "We all love you, Bella."

Then, another icy hand lay over my heart and fingers just as cold, touched my throat, pressing gently inward.

"Her pulse is slow and shallow, she is very close Edward. Bella, honey, can you open your eyes for me?"

I had to make a conscience effort and finally they did open. _Carlisle._ There was never a time that I appreciated his full 'doctor mode' more than that very moment. He looked into my eyes then stepped back and the man I lived for came into my field of vision. His eyes almost entirely black with virtually no white except at the very edges. He placed his hands tenderly on either side of my head, lacing his fingers through my hair. Tears I could no longer hold back began to flow from my eyes.

"Shhh, don't cry, my love." His wonderful breath blew into me. Little kisses from his eager mouth covered my face, my mouth. "Very soon you will be with me forever." His sweet irresistible breath blowing heavily into my open mouth, each breath filled my lungs with his thirst.

"Edward?" Carlisle said softly. Then his voice changed, "Edward!"

"Yes, Carlisle." His obsidian eyes never left mine as his voice took on that hypnotic quality again.

"Listen to me!" Carlisle commanded, "You must remember, as you bite, when you feel your venom triggered, you must not force that first response into her blood, she is too weak, it would kill her instantly. Draw it in along with her blood until it passes, then when you have controlled the venom flow, force small amounts back into her to begin the change. Then you must release her. Do you understand?"

"I understand." As the thirst for my blood took him over, his face changed, became even more unbelievably beautiful. His voice was full of an emotion I had never heard up until that very moment; I was prey and he hungered for me.

_This is all my fault! My fear is causing him to lose control! Can't they see what's happening!_

Edward brought his face even closer to mine, his lips brushing against mine with each word he spoke, his every breath pushing life into me, keeping me alive long enough to take what he most wanted.

"Carlisle, please, if you think for one second that I am losing control, please don't let me kill her. She is my life." He pressed more gentle kisses on my mouth.

_Please Carlisle! Can't you see! He's going to kill me! He can't help it! _Unfortunately, Edward was the only one who could hear my pleas.

"Edward, I have faith in you. However, I will stay by your side. We all are here for you and Bella." Even though I couldn't see him, I felt Carlisle take my hand and squeeze it gently.

"I know."

_Edward, Please! Let Carlisle change me! I'm scared! I'm so scared! _I had never been more afraid to die than at that very moment.

Edward placed his mouth next to my ear and then his amazing voice filled my head. He sang the most beautiful song I had ever heard as I lay seconds from death.

"Edward, there's no time. Do it now." Carlisle's voice seemed so far away.

One cold hand drifted slowly down my neck as he turned my head to the side. His breath a glacial draft on the hollow space below my ear. His soft icy lips came to rest on my skin, numbing the area in preparation for the pain that would ultimately come.

I had fully expected to feel tremendous pain as his teeth sank into my tender flesh and was shocked to realize he had pierced my skin when I heard the sound my blood made going down his throat as he swallowed.

_Oh God! Edward!_

Gasping for breath, I marveled at the unexpected notion of my hot blood quenching his deepest desire. He had waited so long, fought back every instinct he had to have me in his life and not do this one thing, not bite me as he was all in an effort to save my life. But, could he, could he save me? Did he still have the will to stop? By the way his mouth pulled at my neck, I had serious doubts the man I loved was still in there somewhere.

He drank slowly, deeply and fully. I could hear a moan rumble deep within him. Closing my eyes, I gave in to what I was feeling. No pain, just floating, drifting away to some unknown paradise.

Slowly dying, I was giving myself up to the only love I had ever known and I let go slipping into darkness.

Suddenly, I became aware of a burning sensation, a sudden pressure on my neck where Edward's mouth was still touching my skin. Then fire. A slow moving flame that began to creep down my arm and up my neck with each feeble beat of my heart. With his cold skin touching my cheek, his mouth rested next to my ear, breathlessly he whispered my name over and over. The fire slowly crept down through my body and as it did, I felt myself involuntarily curl up into a ball. It seemed that I lay there for minutes, like a specimen under the lens of a microscope as all eyes in the room watched me.

Then the pain hit me like a wrecking ball.

_OH MY GOD! IT HURTS SO BAD! Edward help me! Please!_

Then, Edward's arms were around me, picking me up from where I lay.

"Bella, I know you can hear me. The pain will get much worse before it subsides. Alice and Jasper are taking you to Alaska. Edward has done well and you will be with us very soon." Carlisle's voice calmed me, but only a little. "Edward, talk to her, sing to her, keep her close in your arms."

"Go now. We'll join you as soon as we can." Esme's voice was close to my face and then her lips pressed a kiss on my cheek.

"Carlisle, I couldn't…." the sound of Edward's voice was so heart wrenching. Even through the thick haze of pain, it sounded as if he were sobbing.

Shaking uncontrollably in his embrace, I felt Edward's body quaking from his own sobs. I kept trying to send him a thought in between the constant flames that threatened to burn me up from the inside out,

_Don't worry! I'm okay, I can handle this!_

The last thing I wanted was for him to worry about me.

"Edward, Bella will be fine. She is much stronger than any of us ever dreamed. Take her and do not leave her side for a second." There was an edge to Carlisle's voice that I couldn't place, especially since I was in so much agony.

"Charlie saw me, he saw me in the sun. Bella told him I'm an angel." The sound of Edward's voice helped so much with the pain. If he would just keep talking, I knew I could get through this. Could he still hear me? I wondered.

_Edward, please! Just keep talking to me!_

He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. "Yes Bella, I know." Another sob rolled through him.

He was running again. I could hear the soft purr of a car engine, doors open then shut. Even though my whole body was shaking violently, I could sense the movement of the car. Edward held me close and whenever he wasn't kissing some part of me, he kept his face pressed to mine. Somehow, I endured the pain in silence and when he began to sing the pain was much more bearable.

He repeated the verses over and over and as long as he sang, the pain was just a bad memory buried deep within me. When Edward wasn't singing, he was talking non-stop. Even through the pain, I was amazed because that was something he had never done before.

He told me his life's story and all the places he had been and things he had done. Places he would take me and all the things we would share together. He told me of all the wondrous changes he had seen in his life. Places we could live for years and never see another person. I could hear Alice's sweet laughter and comments of how she could never live anywhere long without a mall or at the very least, a really big computer store to keep her supplied with all the latest technology. Jasper's voice was low and calming as he told stories of things they had experienced together.

"It's beginning." Edward whispered and I had the distinct feeling he wasn't talking to me. Just when I was beginning to think the agonizing pain couldn't get much worse, random places in my body began to burn intensely and the burning moved so slowly I swore my flesh was falling off. Opening my mouth in the hope that I could release a small amount of the pain that wracked my body, the most horrific scream came from within me, as though my soul was crying out to be released.

Reaching out, I tore at anything and everything I could get my hands on. The need to rip at my own burning flesh and tear out the river of flame that flowed inside of my veins was overwhelming. My fingers shredded fabric as if it were tissue paper before Edward was able to catch my wrists in his hands and encased them inside his loving arms.

_I'll never live through this, I'll never make it through the change. I'll die before it's complete and all of Edward's suffering will be for nothing. I can't let this be his last memory of me, not like this!_

Through my unending shrieks, I could hear Jasper's usually calm voice yelling to Edward.

"Edward, listen to me, Carlisle said this would happen! You have to calm yourself so you can help her. You have to keep talking to her! It does help her, I can feel it!"

Although I was writhing and twisting violently in his arms, I was not the only one shaking, Edward's body was trembling also, sobbing as if he could actually feel my pain.

_I have to stop screaming! Oh God please! It's tearing him apart!_

Closing my mouth, I swallowed the pain, refusing to allow a sound escape my lips.

_Please Edward, I can bare it. Please don't… just talk… sing… anything! _I thought frantically to him.

Pressing my head into his chest, he held me there. His sobbing subsided, replaced with a sweet melodic humming. The vibrations of his song flowed through me, through my very muscle and bone, calming me, soothing the pain to a degree that was bearable. With his sweet melody pacifying me, I was able to hold my screams inside though a flood of tears leaked from my eyes uncontrollably for what seemed like hours.

Soon, the pain had subsided to a point where I was able to even hold back my tears and my body had stopped shaking as violently. I opened my eyes to see a new day had come outside the car window. The trees were flying past at a blinding speed though, I was able to see them clearly.

But… I was cold. I was so cold.

_I'm so cold. _I thought. Edward's beautiful dark burgundy eyes were looking nowhere but at my face, nevertheless, I could see no response to my thought.

"I'm so cold." The voice that floated into the close quarters of the car was clear and melodic and all mine.

"Don't worry, my love, it will pass." Smiling, he held me tighter, pulling me up to his face and as his mouth touched mine, his skin felt colder than it had ever felt before, as if I were suffering from a very high fever. Kissing my lips so tenderly, he spread them gently with his icy tongue. Eagerly, I opened my mouth and reveled in the ecstasy of our first real kiss. The cold electric vibration of his energy flowed through my body and I felt the familiar tingle in my muscles. I tried to lift my arm to touch his face, but I found I only had enough strength just to kiss him. I had never felt so weak in my life.

"We are halfway there. Halfway to your new home and your new life." He kissed me once again. "You still have a ways to go before the change is complete." His fingers gently traced the outline of my face. "My dear sweet Bella, as long as I exist, I will never leave your side."

As long as Edward was with me, I could be halfway to anywhere and it wouldn't matter. Closing my eyes, I focused all that I had, pushing the last of the pain down deep within me. So many of my human memories passed through my mind and once I saw them, they seemed to slide out of my grasp. I realized my entire human life would become only a pale cloudy memory. Eventually, darkness folded around me and gratefully, I drifted away.


	13. Chapter 13 Now and Forever

Chapter Thirteen

Always and Forever

The car came to a sudden stop. I was vaguely aware of doors opening around me then, I was moving, shifting and I had no control over the violent pain that spiked through me as I thrashed wildly within Edward's strong embrace.

Then, he was running.

Something had tangled around me, binding me. I could feel hands pulling, rolling me this way and that trying desperate to remove the source of my bonds, and in the next moment, I was free.

A soft cool silkiness surrounded me, covered my naked body. Edward's arms folded around me once more and his wonderful skin touched mine in so many places as I struggled to control my trembling. Edward's soft fingers gently trailed over my cheek sending wonderfully calming waves of love floating through me.

Exhausted from feeling nothing but excruciating pain, sleep was something that eluded me. Though I lay as still as I could, some part of me was forever awake and moving, changing and turning. Edward's voice soothed me with his sweet lullaby and I was able to bury the pain before drifting away into my own personal hell once more.

Time seemed to inch by at a snails pace, but as long as Edward was next to me, singing or humming, I could feel the end was near and knew the pain would be over soon. I heard and felt all that was around me, each small move or shift Edward would make on the bed, his breathing, each of his sighs that blew to sweetly into my face, not to mention, every emotion he was going through watching me transform into a vampire. His love washed over me constantly, but with it also came his guilt and remorse for what, I could only assume, he still believed was nothing more than damning me to a life of darkness. Slowly, I drifted away once again.

I was rolling forward on the bed, a soft wet cloth moving over my back. Rolling to the other side, the wet cloth was now wiping the area just above my breast. I realized I must be a bloody mess, and wondered if a shower would have helped with the pain. Fingers I knew were Edward's, touched me just at the base of my neck, icy cold, but only in that one area. As his fingers traced along my skin, extreme anger built up, hitting me like rolling thunder and I couldn't help but feel it just as intensely. A deep growl rumbled in the back of my throat and just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. Within seconds his coolness wrapped around me again.

He was lying next to me, his arms around me, holding me, keeping me safe. His soft cool lips kissing mine so gently, sending a small bolt of lightning throughout my body wiping out the pain if only for a second. Then his tongue swept longingly across my lips teasing me with what I was sure to come after I had finished changing.

"Such… a… tease." I was surprised I was able to get the words out. I wanted to say 'I love you', but I had nothing left after the first three little words managed to slip out in a gasping whisper. I was so tired, I longed to sleep, but the best I could do was to drift off in a haze of agony.

_Oh God! Oh Edward!_

Reaching out for him, I wrapped my arms around his back pulling him to me as hard as I could. All the agonizing pain had suddenly disappeared. I was completely aware that my next breath would be my last and that my heart would cease to beat soon after.

I prayed that he could still hear my thoughts…

_Oh Edward! It's not your fault. I begged you for this. How were we to know it wouldn't work? That my stupid fragile human body would give out and I would die? Please don't blame yourself, it was my choice. I'm so sorry._

"Edward…" My voice was clear and smooth, but I could only manage to speak his name and nothing more.

_Edward, please hear me! I will love you always and forever!_

With my last breath, I closed my eyes and let death take me.

Opening my eyes, I was perfectly aware.

I lay absolutely still.

The urge to pull air into my lungs was no longer there.

A strange tingle lay in the back of my throat and though my mouth felt dry, it also felt strangely moist.

Strong arms gently cradled me from behind. My own arms lay tucked inside of the other pair of arms. My heart had ceased to beat in my chest and wondered for one fleeting second if I had actually made it through the change. Nevertheless, I wasn't afraid. I tried to remember where I was and why I was there. Memories slowly and gently flowed into me. A quiet conversation was taking place somewhere close by in another room. The voices were very familiar, but I wasn't able to put faces to them yet.

Moving only my eyes, I looked around the unfamiliar room. The curtains were open framing a wall of windows and from where I lay I could see snow covered mountains not too far in the distance. The sun was shining from somewhere behind the room. It must have been close to sundown as the setting sun was casting a pale pink and orange light on the mountains. It was the most glorious sunset I had ever seen and taking air into my lungs, I sighed as I gazed at the sight of my first twilight.

"Bella?"

_Edward … my Edward._

Turning within his loving embrace, I pressed my body fully against his. The sight of his sparkling angelic face was utterly breathtaking. His bronze hair framed his strong features and his eyes were pools of dark burgundy wine that seemed to go on forever, pulling me in, drowning me in his love. His lips held the familiar shape of a most luscious smile and I felt my own lips curve to match his. As my eyes took in every inch of his gorgeous face, I found myself breathing in his beguiling scent, smelling every little memorable nuance of him but, there was also a floral scent underneath, as if it were coming from deep inside of his body.

"Do you know who I am?" The sound of his voice was like music to me. A beautiful song drifted through my head and I knew the words by heart.

Nodding slightly, "My only love, Edward Cullen." His dark eyes reflected all the love I felt for him.

"And you are my life, Isabella Cullen…" An internal fire lit up his eyes when he smiled at me. "From this moment on, all that I am and all that I am to become, I give to you with a love that shall never die. I promise yours will be the only name I cry out in the night and yours will be the only eyes I look into at dawn. This and everything that is mine to give, I give to you freely for I have become yours forever."

I felt myself release, as if tears of happiness were exploding from every pore of my body. A great sob came from deep within me as I realized he had saved me.

I didn't die, not in the real sense of the word. I had made it though the change. He had set me free. At that moment, I knew he would never give me reason to doubt his promise.

"I believe it is customary to kiss the bride at this point." He whispered his sweet breath full force in my face, his skin sparkling, as if the pale pink and orange light of the room were bouncing off a million tiny prisms.

"Is this the beginning of forever, Edward?" I whispered back.

"Yes, it is." His smile widened, his skin sparkling like diamonds with each small movement.

_Forever._

Just the concept of sharing eternity with him was more than I could grasp at that moment. As if time meant nothing. From this day forward, I would never grow a day older, my appearance would never change and I would never die.

Now I could finally give myself to him in a way that was never possible before, in a way that deep within my body, I somehow knew we had never even attempted. I was no longer a fragile human girl. Now, I was unbreakable, strong and willing.

I lowered my face and looked at him from underneath my eyelashes. Though the time for blushing was over, it seemed an odd habit. I lay in a huge bed with the only man in the world I would ever love and I wanted him to know it.

"If you love me… then love me."

His lips touched mine and I felt my entire being come alive, as if lightening were racing through my veins. My body ached for his so much it was painful, but an amazingly wonderful kind of pain. A pain he could easily relieve.

Delicious waves of desire went through me and I gave in completely to him and he to me.

The sun rose and set, rose and set. I was delirious with happiness while sharing my love with him and utterly content when just lying in his arms. Sharing my energy with him was perfectly erotic and wonderfully intense and I quickly found I was totally addicted to him. If, for some reason, he was taken from me, from my life, my existence would be over, I would roll up a ball and wither away, become something not un-dead, but un-living.

I had given up my human life to be with him forever and he had kept his promise. Through his love, he had given me more than I was sure I could have ever dreamed of.

We showered together, the sensation of water on my skin and his wet skin against mine was like nothing I had ever imagined. So many sensations were new to me. I still seemed to have a sense of my naked body though, wrapping in a towel before leaving the steamy bathroom, another habit I would need to break, it seemed. Edward pulled me in front of the mirrored closet doors that reflected the snow-covered mountains outside.

"Do you remember the many times I told you that you did not see yourself clearly, not as I do?" He asked. I tried to pull a memory forward, but so many memories of my human life were still very difficult for me to retrieve.

He stood behind me and gently pulled the towel from my body and dropped it to the floor.

"Look now, Bella, and see what you did not see before."

I stood looking at the reflection of myself. My skin was flawless. My hair, even in this wet state seemed too beautiful, almost unreal. My facial features weren't hard, but soft and full of compassion and kindness. My eyes were not the same deep burgundy shade as Edward's, but a bright crimson red. My body was strong and perfect. There had been scars, too numerous to count, but it seemed that they had all disappeared, well, except the pale lines on my neck and left shoulder.

Edward was standing behind me. The reflection looked as if the most skilled artist had painted a picture of two imaginary people, beautiful in every way.

_Is this really how Edward always saw me? _

I remembered a time when I wondered what he ever saw in me to make him love me so much, to make him wish to spend his life with me. Feeling the way I did now, how could I have possibly questioned him?

Leaning over, he gently kissed my shoulder and bent over to pick up the towel from the floor. As he walked into the bathroom, my fingers stroked the spot he had kissed feeling the only flaws on my perfect skin, four extremely pale jagged lines. I traced them with my fingertips feeling the residual heat within them.

_Jacob._

Without any warning, horrible memories flooded into my brain, bombarding me with terrifying images. Jacob's promise filled my head and I had no control over the fear that took me. Seeing his face in my mind, not his warm brown human face, but as the snarling werewolf I had seen him change into many times.

The images were all wrong…

Lying in bed at the hospital, Jacob's face swam in and out of my vision, his threatening words rushing out at me in a hot wind through his snapping jaws. Though I knew in my heart that he had not transformed into his werewolf form at my bedside, that was the only face I could see.

Blinking repeatedly, I tried to remove it from my vision, but it wasn't something my eyes were seeing, it was in my head. All in my mind. I could plainly see my reflection in the mirror in front of me, but also see, hear and feel Jacob's hot breath blowing over my face. Then he kissed me, his mouth burning mine with his anger. I could feel the feverish heat of his skin on the palms of my hands as I tried desperately to push him from me. Taste his mouth on my tongue, sweet as honey…

_No! Oh,God! No!_

Then, just as suddenly, it was gone. He was gone.

Esme's kind face and loving voice caressed me, trying to calm my fears.

Still, Jacob's threats rang in my head.

_What was I thinking? I have put Edward in the most terrible danger and not only Edward, but my new family! I have to leave! I have to get to Forks somehow and lead Jacob as far as possible from everyone I love!_

Edward flew from the bathroom.

"Bella?" His dark eyes wide and terrified.

"Edward! I can't stay here! I have to leave!" I ran searching for my clothes on the floor but they were nowhere to be found.

"No, Bella!" He came at me at a full run and immediately I encased me within his arms. The force of the impact threw us both on the bed. Struggling against him, I tried to break free of his grasp, but even though I seemed much stronger than him, he was much quicker than I was. After only a few seconds, he had me securely wrapped in his loving arms.

"Please, Edward! You have to let me go! Jacob will kill you!" I begged him, pleaded with him.

The bedroom door flew open and a beautiful young man with honey blonde hair came through it at a run…_Jasper_, followed by a spiky haired girl…. _Alice_. I knew her. I knew them both.

Edward sat me up on the edge of the bed as Alice took the sheet and her and Edward wrapped me in it, folding an edge over Edward's naked lap.

"No! You don't understand! I can't stay here. Jacob will never stop!" I looked into Edward's eyes and pleaded again, "Please, Edward, I couldn't bare it if he killed you! I could not live if you didn't exist! It would be all my fault!"

"Oh, Bella, my love," His voice so sweet, so soft on my face helped to calm my panic, "Jacob will never find us. We are safe here. Please believe me, there is nothing to fear." It was Edward's loving voice more than anything that helped ease my overwhelming panic.

Jasper knelt down in front of me, taking my hands in his as he closed his eyes. I knew what Jasper was trying to do and I let it happen. I needed to think straight. I needed to calm down, to think in some sort of rational manner before acting.

Just as I had expected and hoped, peace filled me, a tranquility that quieted me, made me feel safe. Whatever fear remained in me, quickly faded.

"Alice saw you leave." Jasper said quietly.

I breathed in and sighed at the relief. "I'm okay. I just had… _an image from my past_… it was just a memory." How could I tell them?

"I believe we have all been experiencing Bella's gift since she awoke." Jasper looked at Edward. "I suppose you know what has been going on out there." He nodded his head toward the door.

"I've been a little preoccupied." Edward replied with a massive silly grin on his face.

If I could have blushed, my face would have surely glowed with it. As far as I could remember, three days had passed since I completed the change and we hadn't left our bedroom once.

"Well, her feelings emanate from her…like waves. That's the only way I can put it. After getting hit by them enough, we just gave in and went with them." Jasper looked past me to Alice with the same sort of smile Edward was wearing. "We did find it necessary to leave the house last night though…to satisfy a different… need." Jasper was giving me the most curious look. His eyes flicked over to Edward for a second. "When we returned, we found it a little easier to keep from getting caught up in Bella's emotions. Until a moment ago." Jasper paused and studied my face. "We fully experienced your fear, Bella. We felt your change of emotion and your need to protect Edward, to protect us, hit us full force. That's when Alice had the vision of you leaving." He looked at Edward then. "Did you feel all of this also? Did you hear any of this?"

"Yes, of course I felt it then, I saw Alice's vision in my head just as if Bella were already gone." He looked in my eyes, "I am no longer able to hear your thoughts, my love. I certainly enjoyed hearing them while it lasted, but having the privilege of feeling your emotions is more than I could ever ask for. Your thoughts drifted away while we were still traveling in the car. By the time we arrived here, your mind was completely closed to me again."

Jasper continued to hold my hands concentrating his calming power on me.

"Well, Carlisle and Esme will be here within the hour," said Alice, " and Emmett and Rosalie are flying in later on tonight."

"Carlisle is going to have a blast trying to figure out how you do what you do, Bella." Jasper was in awe of my emotional gift. "We'll also need to find a way to help you control and possibly focus this gift. Either that or just make sure Edward keeps you happy." He smiled, as if he was making a joke, but I could feel that he was extremely serious.

Alice slid off the bed and knelt next to Jasper, "I don't remember ever feeling so frightened." I could see it in her eyes. It was true, I had been projecting my emotions without ever knowing it. I had thought I was only feeling what Edward had been giving off to me.

"You don't remember a lot of things." Jasper was teasing her, "I'm just glad it was fear that hit us and not anger." He was laughing, but his concern was undeniable. "I'm sure Carlisle will be able to figure out what's happened and he may want you to give him a demonstration, Bella."

"But until then," Alice spoke as she stood pulling Jasper's hands from mine, "Let's leave these lovers alone."

The second my hands were free of Jasper's, I could feel the fear within me, but I had had enough time to process it and keep it at bay. Edward kissed my temple and held me tight and safe in his arms. A tingle of lightning began to flow through me once again and I gave in to it willingly.

Jasper followed Alice out through the bedroom door. "By the way, Bella, I went out and bought you some new clothes, your old ones didn't survive your change." Alice turned and was smiling at me, "and except for the fear part, it's been wonderful having you awake." She winked at me and started giggling as Jasper pushed her the rest of the way out and pulled the door closed behind him.


	14. Chapter 14 Waiting for a Sign

Chapter Fourteen

Waiting for a Sign

After Alice and Jasper left us alone, I lay down on the bed still wrapped in the dark blue sheet, forcing the thoughts of Jacob from my mind, deciding I would deal with them later. Carlisle would know what to do. Pulling the sheet down, Edward exposing more of my skin and began rubbing my back slowly and gently. It helped free my worried thoughts as I concentrated on the sensation of his skin against mine.

The feel of his skin was somewhat different now that I had changed. I remembered his skin feeling like velvet, which, hadn't changed, but it had also been so cold and his muscles like stone underneath the marbled flesh. I knew my body had changed and had become just like his, but now, as he added a small amount of pressure to my back, I could tell that my muscles felt firm and pliable under his fingers. His velvet skin on mine was a delicious combination.

"I wonder… how could I possibly keep you happy?" He whispered almost as if to himself as he leaned over and kissed my shoulder, sending tremors of desire through my body once more.

Whispering, knowing he would hear every word, "Share yourself only with me, forever."

"Forever and always." He let out a little laugh, I could feel his beautiful crooked smile right through my skin, "Well, we might have to hunt once in a while to keep up our endurance, otherwise, we might be the first vampires to find out we are actually capable of feeling…spent." He leaned over me looking into my eyes.

_What are you looking for?_ I wondered.

He was looking for something. Something I knew I should feel, but didn't… it hadn't pushed its way to the surface yet. Seeing the confusion in his eyes, in the way his brows knit together for just a second, I suddenly realized I could feel his confusion too, as if it just sank into my very flesh.

He moved back out of my view, running his hand slowly down the length of my back and down over the curve of my hip. Then his lips were pressing against my skin giving me little kisses down my spine, each one a small electric tingle causing me to shiver.

It was amazing he still affected me this way. I could remember how the touch of his hand or his lips would affect my heart rate and breathing. A memory of fainting outside in front my house swam around my brain until it surfaced. I had fainted once at the touch of his icy cold tongue on my cheek. I'd thought it was just my being human. But here I was, a vampire feeling pleasure I never imagined in my wildest dreams and still…

"Edward, why am I still so completely dazzled by you? Actually, more than before my change." I had turned my head to look into his deep burgundy eyes, "I still seem to melt at your slightest breath or touch. I don't mind at all, I absolutely love it! But, it makes it really hard for me to behave and not think about spending eternity with you right here in this bed."

"Obviously you have no idea how _you_ dazzle me." His face broke into that wonderful crooked smile again, "I can't begin to put into words how you make _me_ feel." What sounded just like a cat purring come from back in his throat as he gently bit at my shoulder with his razor sharp teeth. This too, sent ripples of pleasure across me. "If that's part of what it takes to keep you happy then, I'm thrilled that I still dazzle you."

He lay down next to me with one hand still caressing my back, his lips less than an inch from mine. His delightful breath gently blowing in my face, making the tingle in my throat return with a vengeance. My mouth suddenly became very wet forcing a strange reaction in my body…the need to swallow. I looked back into Edward's eyes trying to pick up where I left off.

"Well, I was hoping to have a little more control but everything seems to affect me so much more now. It's as if I can feel…"

"Bella! There is no reason for you to control yourself with me! You don't have to _behave_ any longer." He laughed and gave my forehead a kiss. "That's the last thing I could ever want! Silly Bella, why would I not want to feel every thing you have to share with me, especially when we're alone in this room … our bedroom. There are no more boundaries between us, my love. I want you to feel free to take in all your senses can handle." He pulled my body closer to lie almost on top of him and I wrapped my arm around his neck, resting the side of my face on his magnificent chest.

"It's a vampire thing, love. A benefit. A perk. Your vampire senses are superior by a thousand times to any human ones." He traced a single finger up and down my skin, the lightening had already began to build somewhere within me. The sound of his voice was so comforting, so sexy that I could listen to him talk forever. "So you'll see, hear, feel, smell, and taste everything differently than before, much more than before." With his finger under my chin, he raised my face to look at him, "You're a hunter now and you'll rely on those same senses from now on… or until whatever becomes of us happens. I know you understand already that the emotions you feel are much more intense."

I certainly felt desire and passion to an extreme I'd never dreamt of and fear had proved to be way beyond my control. What _would_ happen if I became angry? They were all surprised that it had only taken a little more than a day for my change to occur instead of three and Edward and I had voluntarily secluded ourselves in this room for three days now. How long would it be before I would feel the thirst…the hunger?

_That's it! That's what Edward is looking for when he searches my eyes. Where is my thirst? Esme said it would be the first thing I would need to do after my change was complete but I don't feel it. How will I control it when it does come?_

"How will I know when I need to hunt?" The words came out much easier than I thought they would. I had accepted the fact that I would need to feed and now I just needed to know how and when.

He looked into my eyes, searching for it, "You'll know. It is one of our few…weaknesses." Suddenly, everything about him changed, his facial expression grew so sad, his voice cracked and sorrow drilled into me. All of it happened in the blink on an eye, then, it was gone. No, not gone, just buried. He was hiding something from me. Thinking that it must have something to do with the first time I needed to hunt, I let it go. He closed his wine-red eyes and briefly pressed his lips to mine.

"It's a hunger that can't be satisfied in any other way." He breathed deeply, pulled back and opened his eyes. "As soon as you feel even the slightest thirst, I'll take you. You don't need to fight it at this point. I'm so sorry, I should have been open with you

about what your needs would be. I kept promising myself to have this talk with you but then…fate forced me to change you and the time was gone." He let out a sigh.

_Fate, hmmm? That's a strange way put it._ I stopped that train of thought immediately. I wasn't ready to go there yet. I nuzzled my cheek into his chest, "Well, I still need to know what to expect and that makes this the time."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier." He paused and the next words he spoke were tinged with humor, "Are you sure Esme didn't go over this with you during your little talk?"

"There's not a lot that I remember right now, so if she did I'm not aware of it… yet." I remembered what happened in the meadow and some of what took place that morning, but… beyond that not much at all.

He sighed again and I gave him a little squeeze and I felt him relax. "Well, in your first year as a vampire you will hunt more often than at any other time. After that, the need is not so great, but still more than what we consider a normal appetite and that lasts for a couple of years. You'll need to hunt before you are exposed to humans just as we all do. At first, there may be times you'll want to hunt every night, maybe more, and other times you'll hunt once a week. It all depends on your proximity to humans and your amount of self-control."

He had stopped rubbing my back and wrapped his arms around me, "It is very important that you understand that no one in this family would put you in danger by exposing you to a human if we felt that you couldn't control your thirst. It will be much easier for you if you never taste human blood. However, you must be patient because it may take a while for you to develop that kind of control, probably years."

I pulled him tighter and wrapped my leg over his, feeling as if I could spend all those years locked in this room with him. Edward slowly and seductively began shifting my position and placing little kisses on my neck when I heard a car engine off in the distance.

"They're here. We'll have to continue this later, my love " He said each word between kisses then rolled me over onto my back to tease me with one last full luscious kiss before rising to dress.

Being in such a remote area, we could hear the car coming up the road well before it actually arrived in the driveway. Carlisle and Esme arrived sooner than I had wanted right at the moment and the impact of my emotional state hit them before they even got out of their car. Alice and Jasper had been waiting for them outside on the porch and explained that what they were feeling was coming from me.

Edward had left the room for only a moment, just to retrieve my new clothes. Alice had actually picked me up some sweats and tank tops. Expensive sweats and tank tops, but still, just my style. We emerged from our room, both very happy and content in our first days of life together. Jasper had managed to balance the emotions in the room before I came in, but everyone was wearing a big happy grin now. I wasn't sure if that was coming from me or if they were truly that delighted for us.

Esme glided across the room, "Oh, Bella!" She hugged me hard then took my hands and danced me around the room. She really was happy. "Look at you! Oh, Edward, I am so happy for you both!"

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle was all 'doctor' sometimes. He took my hands and kissed my cheek.

"Unbelievable!" It was as if excitement bubbled right out of me, "The changing part was pretty nasty, in fact, that really sucked. But, now I feel so unreal, but so wonderful and so… alive! Like… I'm in a dream! Edward and I haven't left the bedroom for three days!" _Oh my gosh! I can't believe I said that!_

Everyone was staring at me, when Edward and Alice started laughing. Then, everyone joined in.

I giggled, "Please excuse me, I really didn't mean to say that." I was so glad I couldn't blush anymore.

"That's perfectly normal, Bella. I would have worried if you hadn't locked yourselves in." Doctor Carlisle again. "I've been told that it only took a little more than a day for your change to be complete. I've never heard of anyone changing so quickly. I'll have to do some research into that. And you haven't hunted yet?" He was looking into my eyes when he asked that question. I only shook my head. "Don't worry, I'm sure there's nothing really that different about you. I am curious about this gift of yours though. Your feelings of desire are definitely very strong, we felt that outside, and I've been told your feelings of fear are also extremely strong."

I nodded my head. Jasper had said that Carlisle would probably want a demonstration, but I really didn't want to feel _that_ fear again. It made me feel weak to be so completely out of control.

"If Jasper helps you to stay in control, would you mind doing an experiment with me?" Carlisle would never push me to do something I didn't want to do and I knew he would never ask me to do this if Jasper felt he wouldn't be able to help me through it.

"Esme and Alice may want to leave. I don't want to scare anyone else." I knew Alice understood.

Carlisle looked at them both and nodded. Alice took Esme's hand and they both silently left the house.

Edward and I sat down on the couch. Jasper sat on my other side as Carlisle pulled a chair up to face me. He looked at Edward and after a moment, he nodded.

"Bella," Edward started, "Do you remember in the meadow when you asked me what I was waiting for?"

_Oh no, if he wants me to go back to the meadow, this is going to be bad._

Looking down, I took one of Edward's hands in mine. Searching for the memory, I found it much too soon. With a sudden jolt, it flashed through me, instantly filling me with a mix of emotions, surprise, desperation, anger, sadness and love. Love for Edward. Love for Charlie.

_Oh Charlie._

"Yes, I remember." I pulled air into my lungs to speak as the scene flashed in front of my eyes, just as the memory of Jacob's threat had. I could see Edward's sparkling face in the sun, Charlie and Jacob, the gun, the horror in Jacob's eyes as the bullet went through me, Charlie's stricken face when he realized what had happened, followed by, the sight of Jacob transforming into a werewolf and running silently from the meadow as Charlie tried to evaluate my wound. And then, my dad's face as he stared in shock at Edward in the sun.

"I told you I was ready and then…" I pressed Edward's hand to my cheek and held it there, wishing I were wrapped in his arms instead. "Jacob brought Charlie there so he could show him what you are. I guess he was trying to show Charlie that you couldn't be killed, but I dived in front of you and Jacob shot me instead."

Almost unbearable sadness flowed through me as the next memory surfaced, my voice hitched in a sob, "Charlie was so scared for me. Then, he saw you in the sun and I told him you were my angel. Then you took me away…and saved me."

The entire room seemed to fill with sorrow. Lifting my eyes, I looked into Carlisle's topaz eyes and saw such unreserved sadness there. I wanted to cry just from the sight of it. Closing my eyes, I refused to look at Edward or Jasper. I couldn't bear to see my sadness on their faces as well.

"Bella," Jasper's voice was calm, "Pull the feeling back. Don't stop trying to feel it, just bring it into yourself."

I kept my eyes closed and breathed in deeply. I had the picture of Charlie in my head and held onto it, but did not let it take me over. Edward's hand had been tight in mine, but grip relaxed. The sadness I felt flowed through my body like water washing over me. Opening my eyes, I saw the sadness had left Carlisle's face. Edward pulled his hand from mine and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead as I leaned into his shoulder and let out a sigh.

"Can we stop for now?" I asked. " I really rather not relive the pain of changing right now, if you don't mind." Suddenly the tingle in the back of my throat became unbearable. My mouth seemed so dry. Carlisle was looking at my eyes.

"Edward, it's time. She needs to hunt."

As soon as the words left his mouth, the feeling became stronger. As if just knowing what was causing the tingle, increased the sensation of it one hundred times. The strangest sensation pulled at my eyes as I watched everything in the room become … more there, more detailed and focused.

Edward stood and took my hand, walking me toward the door.

_Okay. I knew this was coming._

I had been fully aware that my choice to spend forever with Edward would cost more than just my human life, but also human food. Moreover, not just giving up burgers and fries, but never tasting the food that I was made to consume, human blood.

I followed Edward out the door and down the steps to the hard driveway. The sun was just going down and casting that beautiful pink and orange glow on the mountains.

Looking into my eyes, Edward lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it so softly before taking a step off the porch.

Taking in a breath, I smelled so many wonderful things, I was stunned by it. I thought to myself… _I'll do whatever it takes.'_

He started to pull my hand and I stopped him. The memories that tried to creep into my mind at that moment, were of a very accident prone human girl, klutzy in every way and not only that, 'danger-magnet' were two words that flashed in my mind like a neon sign.

"Edward, wait!" I couldn't keep the edge of panic from my voice. "Do you think I'll be a little more graceful than I used to be? I mean, I would feel really stupid tripping over my own feet." In three days, I hadn't fallen from the bed, slipped in the shower or tripped over a speck of dust, but I had also not left the house either. Out in the big wide world, who knows what sorts of accidents waited for me?

Edward smiled my most favorite smile, "There is no such thing as a clumsy vampire, Bella. Besides, if you trip and fall, it won't hurt and you definitely won't bleed."

_Well, that's a relief. _"Are you going to teach me what I need to do?"

"It's already built in. Instinct will tell you everything you'll need to know." He was giving me the most curious look. "I'm just surprised that…well, it's taken this long for you to feel it. Usually the second we become aware, the thirst takes control and the instinct to hunt is so strong."

Now, I was really confused. Was something wrong with me? Would Carlisle be able to figure it out if there was?

"Are you ready?" He asked softly.

"Yes, I'm ready."

Edward's sweet smile comforted me. As he pulled on my hand, I took my first step forward into another part of this new world I now shared with him and my adopted family, and before I even realized it, we were running full speed through a forest I had never been in before.


	15. Chapter 15 Weakness

Chapter Fifteen

Weakness

Alice was right. This hunting thing was fun, once I got over the initial revulsion of it, which took all of about five seconds, maybe. Edward was also right to never take me hunting with him while I was human. I could imagine he would have torn into me without ever thinking twice about it. He surely would have felt horrible about it later though.

Edward helped me through my first time. He pointed out the deer. Something easier at first, he said. When the scent hit me, I recoiled from it but Edward gently urged me on. Once the chase began nothing else mattered until my thirst was satisfied.

It was nothing like I had pictured in my mind. All I knew, or remembered of vampires feeding was what I could remember of my own past experiences. James breaking almost every bone in my body before savagely slashing his teeth into my hand, Victoria lingering over the smell of my blood before agonizingly sinking her teeth into my wrist and Edward's own lovingly painless bite that felt not that much different than one of his wonderfully icy kisses, only much more passionate.

Once I had caught the deer and brought it down, I found that one perfectly placed ripping bite was enough to open up the floodgates of my life sustaining liquid. And what a wonderful sensation, like something from a dream. Hot and thick, but not very sweet. Within seconds the struggling deer had succumbed and I could feel its heart beat slowing as I repeatedly pulled the hot liquid into my mouth, swallowing in great gulps. I felt it take its last inhale of air, the last great beat of its heart, then nothing.

I pulled my mouth from it licking its blood from my lips. Looking down at what I had just done I thought, _'This was my choice.'_

Edward had crouched down across from me and touched my shoulder.

"Bella?"

I raised my head and looked into his eyes allowing a smile to come to my lips. _'For you, Edward, anything.'_

I took Edward's hand and ran.

We ran, climbed and tumbled through the forest. I felt like a kitten pouncing on him from treetops, rolling around on the pine needle covered soil. I was energized. I hadn't realized what it was that I needed until I was fed. It wasn't as bad as I had let myself believe and I accepted it with my whole being.

It was necessary.

We began to head for the house after Edward heard Emmett and Rosalie had arrived. It seemed strange to walk at such a slow pace after knowing the speed I was capable of. I stopped abruptly and because I was holding Edward's hand; I jerked him to a halt. I could feel the wild look on my face. I was breathing heavily, not from running and certainly not because I needed to, just from the excitement of the hunt and now the feeling of satisfaction and just plain having more fun than I had ever had before! The outdoors and I had never been on such friendly terms!

Edward didn't hunt or feed with me, only ran behind me and watched as I let my new instincts guide me to satisfy my hunger. I wondered how many days would pass before he would need to hunt. I seemed to know instinctually that our eyes were one of those features that changed when we needed to hunt. So far, for the few days I had been aware, Edward's eyes hadn't changed in any way. They stayed that dark liquid burgundy. I couldn't remember ever seeing his eyes that way when I was human. I didn't remember much but of all the memories that came back to me, his eyes were always varying shades of golden amber or black. I placed my hand on his velvet cheek and stared into his glorious face.

"Thank you." I went up on my toes to kiss his lips. I was still breathing heavily and not that I felt the need to, only because I enjoyed all the scents that surrounded me. I wanted to smell everything. Soak in the smells of the earth, the trees, the animals that were no longer hidden from me and of him… Edward. My Edward. The scent of my soul mate.

"How soon will I need to hunt again?"

"Soon." He was smiling down at me studying my eyes. I couldn't look away even if I had wanted to. "Newborn vampires are usually always thirsty. Do you feel as if you are still hungry?"

I closed my eyes and concentrated. Was I truly satisfied? No. The tingle was gone. I felt as if I had eaten just to fill myself but it wasn't my favorite meal. However, I wouldn't think about that now.

"I'm totally fine." I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered, "The only thing I hunger for now is you."

We stayed out in the woods for hours enjoying each other. As the sun began to rise and shine it's light on the underside of the clouds in the horizon, we decided we should go back to the house. My head was full of questions. It was a good thing we had all eternity because it might have taken me that long to ask them all.

"Edward, will you teach me to do something?"

"Anything, my love."

I smiled suddenly because what I was about to ask of him had just been replaced by something I thought I would never ask him in a million years. "Teach me to dance."

He stopped in his tracks, staring into my face before quickly and gracefully taking me in his arms and swinging me around, "Bella, I'm surprised! I had no doubt you would want to learn how to do some of those extreme sports you are so fond of." He kept dancing me around and I seemed to follow his lead without any problem at all.

"Ah, come on now, play nice." I teased as I nipped at his chin. "I never said I didn't want to go for the more extreme stuff, just… not yet. I would really like to learn how to ski and maybe snowboard if we're planning to live here in the winter and maybe surf. I would love to learn how to surf!" All the sports I never would attempt in my human life would be possible for me now. It felt so wonderful to dance and feel graceful! I was giddy. Edward slowed the dance and held me closer pressing his cheek into my hair. So many more questions filled my head.

"Tell me about the day you saved me. I mean, I remember some of what happened but a lot is just mixed up." I thought it was an innocent question but I felt his mood shift instantly.

"I will… someday." He spun me out away from his body.

I stopped in my tracks but he let go of me and started walking away toward the house. Dancing lessons were suddenly over.

"Someday? When?" He didn't even look back. Frustrated, I wondered why he was putting me off. He should be able to talk to me about what happened. Nothing went wrong. He changed me so what was the problem?

"Soon." He barely turned his head in my direction and now I was extremely annoyed.

"Edward, please!" He didn't stop, each footstep carrying him farther away from me and what I wanted to know. I felt desperate, then, just angry. I wanted him to stop and talk to me. When I opened my mouth to speak, a voice I didn't recognize came forcing it's way out.

"Edward, look at me!" My voice flowed out in deep resonating chords. Edward came to a stop as if he had run into an invisible wall and spun around on the spot. I was much too annoyed to care about the confused and frightened look on his face.

"Why won't you talk to me? You know you can tell me anything." My voice was softer but still resonating those strange chords.

"Alice lied." He hardly moved his lips to say the words.

"What?" Now I was more confused than ever.

'_Where did that come from?'_

Suddenly he went down on his knees, his head sagged towards the ground. I ran the few steps to him and knelt down in front of him.

"Edward! What's wrong?" I lifted his chin so I could see his face. "Please Edward! What's the matter?" Sadness like I had never felt hit me, sweeping over me, pulling me in.

He put his hands on my face and kissed me so tenderly. Then he wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Do you know why my eyes are this color?"

I shook my head 'no' because I really didn't know. It was something I should have remembered from my encounter with James and his coven and from the Volturi but I still had no access to those memories. I remembered them having eyes of that color but didn't know why they were so different.

"My eyes are burgundy because I feasted on human blood, Bella. Your blood has quenched my thirst like no other blood has ever done or will again." He looked into my eyes, "Bella, Bella, your blood has made me feel so…absolutely incredible! As if we are truly one. Once this feeling is gone, I will never experience it again."

I was so shocked at the sound of his voice, of the emotions that came from him, so totally mixed up. Feelings of elation and horrible regret all at the same time. Even though we both felt the unbreakable bond between us, we were not the same as before. I was no longer human, he had taken that from me, I had willingly given it and in changing me, he also witnessed the suffering I went through and that changed him.

I buried my face in his shoulder.

"You miss my blood. You miss my being human." I wasn't asking him a question. I could feel it and I knew it was true. Right at that moment there was something about me that he desperately missed that would never be the same. "Do you regret ever tasting my blood, ever changing me?" I was so afraid of his answer.

"Never!" He hissed, "Not for a second!" He pulled me away from his shoulder and took my face in his hands once again, his smooth voice was strong and honest, "Listen to me, Isabella Cullen, I never believed I could love you more than I loved you as a human, but I do. There was a time when I was ready to stay by your side and never change you. I was so afraid you would come to want something more… a physical relationship that I could never dare give you. But now that we have shared ourselves, our energies, our bodies, I could never wish it any other way." He softened his voice to that silky tone that melted all of me, "You are part of me, Bella, as I am part of you. I feel pain when I'm too far from you--I can't explain it but it's real and it scares me. Right now, right this moment I don't know how I will ever be apart from you."

"Edward, I don't understand. I know there is so much I need to learn about this…way of life." I was still confused, "I drank _so much_ from that deer before I felt satisfied. How could my small amount of blood do so much for you? Is human blood that much more…fulfilling?"

"Bella, do you remember when I brought you to my house?" I nodded. "Alice had a vision of you at my feet… bleeding and I was already battling the monster inside of me…_damn!_" He took in a shuddering breath, "She had no idea how you came to have a bullet wound. She couldn't see what Jacob had done. It only flashed into her head after he had left. No one had any idea what had happened to you, they didn't know why you were dieing! Alice lied when she said she saw me change you. I _knew_ she was lying. I saw the vision she'd had, it was horrible! I tried to change it and I knew she wasn't about to let that vision come true if she could help it. In trying to change Alice's vision by placing you somewhere else, it only caused her to envision your death in another way. Then, I realized it didn't matter what I did to try to change the outcome, you would still be dead. There was nothing I could do but step back and let Carlisle bite you and I…I was so consumed with thirst I … I'm so sorry. I blocked them all out. I didn't care if they knew I'd already been taken over by the scent of your blood. They all understood I would kill you but, they also understood that I manage to make it to the house, so some part of me was crying out for help."

He was holding my shoulders very tightly, desperately looking into my eyes. I could feel his need to get this all out…this was what guilt felt like. How did he carry this horrible feeling inside for so long? How did I not feel it before?

"Bella, I didn't drink a small amount of your blood, I drank very deeply from you, much deeper than I ever should have. You should not have survived after what I took from you."

As his words sank into me I realized what he was trying to tell me, why he felt this overwhelming guilt. All the strength in my legs disappeared and I sat down hard on the ground. Even though I felt it all, I would have given anything at that second to feel nothing, to shut down my brain and my body, anything to escape the knowledge that I should not still be here. I desperately wanted to escape the vastness of Edward's guilt and remorse.

Edward lay next to me, pulling me down into his arms. Knowing he could feel all his own emotions come off of me two fold now, it seemed there was nothing I could do to rein them in.

"Oh Bella, please don't…" He pleaded.

I tried to remember what Jasper had said about pulling the feelings in but it was so much harder with Edward's in the mix. I lay still and concentrated until I could feel Edward's body relax somewhat.

"I should have died. Alice saw – my death." I could only manage a whisper. _'Poor Alice…how horrible for her! She must have seen my death many times over.'_

"Yes, my love." He folded me completely in his arms and pulled me as close as he could. I also wrapped myself around him. We fit so perfectly together it helped to calm me even more. None of what happened on the day he changed me mattered now. I knew he needed to release all of this guilt or we would never get past it. We would never be able to go on with our life together.

"But, Edward, you did save me, I'm here and I'm fine."

"Yes. I fought for you. I fought for every step that took me closer to that house. I knew if I stopped and tried to save you on my own, I would never be able to control my thirst. The thought of losing you, of you lying cold and white and dead…it was so much harder than I thought it would be." He shuddered in my arms.

"Once I brought you into the house, I thought it would be easier but…" I felt him flinch, "Alice…showed me… and then…"

The feelings coming from him were torturous. What could he be remembering that he was not sharing with me?

"You lay there and, at first, you freely gave yourself to me – your blood was so pure and uncontaminated by another vampire's venom and you were so unbelievably frightened. When I looked in your eyes and told you that you would soon be with me forever, I meant your blood. You knew it too. You knew it inside, you were my sacrifice and you begged me to let Carlisle change you." His lips were right next to my ear and his voice trembled as he spoke, "Do you remember Bella?"

I nodded my head. I remembered now. The memories flooded into me as if they were locked behind a door that was now flung open. My body stiffened at the onslaught of remembering the events of that afternoon. Shiny black pools of ink consumed my vision. The smell of his breath in my face. It was all there, a perfect memory of the moments before what could have very well been my death but, I could still hear Edward's voice as he continued to pour out his grief on me.

"Alice had already told everyone that I would fail, I would take your life in a second if they didn't intervene. I thought if I just kept kissing you and looking into your eyes, I would gain some control. That my love for you would take me over as it always had in the past. I tried to listen as Carlisle went through the steps again with me. I had released my block on their thoughts. I could hear that no matter what happened, they loved me. It was hard to believe that Carlisle let me go on, knowing that the likelihood that I would completely succumb to my thirst was so great.

"When he said he had faith in me, I did feel much more in control. Then I pressed my lips to your neck and when my teeth slipped through your flesh, I pulled my venom in just as I had practiced. But… when the taste of your innocent blood hit my tongue…" I heard him draw in another trembling breath as he remembered the taste, "Oh Bella, I was totally and completely intoxicated by you."

"But what made you stop?" My voice was trembling also.

"I drank so much from you and when my family realized that I had succumbed to my instincts, they attacked my mind. I was so lost that I couldn't block them out. They screamed in my head to release you. Screaming all the reasons I needed to stop. Bella, they love us so much that they could not survive without us in _their_ lives."

He stroked my hair and placed kisses all over my face. He pressed his forehead against mine.

"Their love for us and my love for you is what made me come to my senses." His sweet breath in my face accompanied each word from his mouth. "Can you ever forgive my weakness?" I reached up and twisted my fingers in his beautiful bronze curls. I was here, with him, forever.

"Yes. It wouldn't matter to me if they had to rip you screaming and kicking from my almost lifeless body, I would still forgive you." I kissed him softly. "It's time to forgive yourself, Edward. How will we ever truly be happy if you can't get past this?"

"I don't know if…" I didn't give him time to finish his sentence. I knew what he was going to say and I wasn't about to let him wallow in self-pity. We were both in it for the long haul and self-pity was not allowed along for the ride. I flipped him onto his back and straddled his chest, pinning his arms down above his head. I felt that deep resonating voice come from inside and I let it flow into his face.

"Oh yes you can and you will Edward Cullen! You will get over it!" I saw the look of fear cross his face for a moment. I allowed my voice to become a little softer but kept the force of it, "Edward, you are all I ever wanted and all I will ever need in this life. I love you. There may come a time that I'll lose control and I hope that you will forgive me my weaknesses too." I calmed my voice completely, "You told me that this family has always worked things out and this is no different." I slid my body down on top of his and released his hands from my grip. He wrapped his arms around my back.

"I don't ever want to see that look on your face again or feel what I felt coming off you. That was horrible!" My voice was back to normal. From that point on I would have to watch my temper before I speak.

Suddenly he flipped me over with him so now I was on the bottom.

"Bella," He had that look in his eyes, I was so sure he was about to scold me for over-reacting. "You just did something…amazing! Actually you did it twice, first when you wanted me to stop and look at you, then again just now."

I was confused, "What exactly did I do?" I really wasn't sure what I had done.

"You frightened me. After living for almost one hundred years, my emotions have not been tried and tested in all that time as much as they have been since I met you. Bella, you have a power in your voice that I don't understand and will not underestimate again. Your voice alone controlled my every action and…" He paused for a moment, his eyes bright with excitement, "Bella, you are amazing." His face broke into the most perfect crooked smile flashing his bright white teeth from between his barely parted lips. Lips I was aching to kiss.

"I want to try something, an experiment if you will…"

I flipped him back over and eagerly covered his mouth with mine. I was done with experimenting, done with demonstrations for now, well, at least experimenting with whatever gifts I seemed to bring with me into this life, and now, all I wanted was to kiss him, love him.

Did we really never kiss like this when I was human? From what I could remember, Edward had certain boundaries and kissing like this was not allowed. Maybe it was a good thing we never crossed that line, I couldn't imagine how crazy obsessed over kissing I would have been as a human when I could barely manage my preoccupation with kissing him now.

Besides, I didn't need to control my urges anymore. I was free to explore all my fantasies with Edward and I intended to do just that.

Our lips pressed urgently together and my tongue swirled slowly around his as the sweet sensation of lightning began to build, flashing outward from my lips through every part of my body.

Bringing my knees up and under me, I sat up and slowly lifted my tank top over my head and laid it aside. Edward's eyes were bright as they skimmed over my skin, over the barely there bra.

"Come here, let me help you with that." His voice was so deep and sexy.

His fingers reached for the small butterfly clasp that held my new bra together in the front. Alice had not only purchased new clothing for me, but also a few undergarments… lacey, sexy, totally unnecessary, but wonderful all the same, bras and panties. Items I had every intention of buying for myself, well…for Edward, as soon as I was safe around humans. It seemed a strange thought to flash through my mind, but I really was grateful to Alice for thinking of me and seeing the look on Edward's face as he gazed at me, I knew exactly why she did it.

Within a second, the bra was lying next to my tank top and Edward's hands were the only things covering and caressing my naked skin.

"Bella, you are so beautiful." His thumbs softly stroked over my breasts as his fingers gently kneaded, making me feel so good I never wanted him to stop. However, he did stop and his hands drifted around my back as he pulled me to him. His tongue licked slowly across one of my nipples before he exhaled a soft breath over it causing a shiver of delight to travel straight down my spine.

Looking down into his dark burgundy eyes, they were full of lust and desire. He pulled me closer and took my breast into his mouth gently tugging and teasing me unmercifully with his tongue once again.

The pleasure that traveled through my body from this simple action was so delicious. I wanted to shout out to the forest, but all I managed was a strangled moan that caught and trembled with each pull of Edward's perfect mouth. While his mouth worked it's magic on one breast, his fingers caressed the other building the cold fire inside that begged to be shared and I would be more than willing to release it, but I wanted more.

Reluctantly, I pulled back from his embrace, stood and slipped my hands inside my sweats and pushed them down, kicking them off my toes. Edward's eyes never left me as I stripped down to my panties and knelt beside to him.

I unbuttoned his jeans then unzipped them as he raised his hips only enough for me to slide them down along with his boxers, freeing that part of him I wanted so badly to fill me. Each time I saw him so naked, so completely… ready, I was amazed by the sight of him. It wasn't the fact that he was so… big… he was just so… perfect.

Still in my panties, I straddled him, feeling that rock hard part of him against me. I wanted to tease him, make him wait for it until he begged for me, but he was having none of it. In less than a second, he had grasped the edges of my frilly lace panties and with a small tug, they were gone and my flesh was touching his.

"Those were new, you know." I pouted as his fingers traced over my hips.

"Yes, I know. I enjoyed seeing them on you. Remind me to ask Alice to pick you up some more."

"No, I won't." I just managed to speak as he twitched and throbbed against me. "They're not disposable, a 'one time use only' sort of thing." He chuckled and his body vibrated between my legs, teasing me with what I wanted so desperately.

_God, I need to work on this teasing bit because he is doing a much better job of it than I am._

"So… you would rather be naked?" It was a delicious sexy growl full of want.

I couldn't answer …not honestly or even with any thing that may resemble words at any rate. Right at that moment, all I wanted _was_ to be naked and have him naked with me.

A wickedly sexy smile came over his face.

"Hmmm. I see, or should I say…I feel."

_Damn…I really need to learn how to control that._

"No matter how sexy you look in them, they do tend to get in the way at times like this." His hands took hold of my hips and lifted my body up by inches then, slowly and gently he was pushing me down as the hard male part of him slipped inside of me taking away any semblance of reasonable thought that may have occupied my brain.

"Oh… Edward…" I moaned as my body willingly opened to welcome the entire length of his rigid male anatomy. When he had filled me in that one long stroke, my entire body trembled in anticipation of what was to come. I sat almost motionless just breathing in the scent of him, filling my lungs with his desire and reveling in the feel of him, that one part of him that fit me so perfectly, like two interlocking pieces that were made for this one connecting purpose.

Looking into his deep claret eyes, I could see his patience as well as feel it. He was waiting for me. In most of our previous lovemaking, he had taken the lead, waiting to feel what I wanted or needed. Satisfying me in ways I never thought possible. Even though he had been impatient in the beginning, once he had sheathed himself within me, he was giving me the lead. Letting me take my time and that was precisely what I wanted… to take my time.

I could never have dreamed of a more wonderfully perfect lover. I wanted to give him all of me, to prove to him that there was never anyone else in the world that could ever take his place. No one I could ever love more. His happiness was all I could ever want.

Rocking slowly, I moved up and down over the full length of him, purring in delight with each glorious stroke. Edward's face was almost luminescent with pleasure as deep moans from his building energy rumbled out of his chest and flowed over me. In all my excitement I tried to keep my pace slow…feeling every small feature that ran the length of his hardness as it moved in and out of me.

Then, my mind drifted for just one second to wonder how his perfect mouth would feel, how his talented tongue would feel as it caressed and teased the part of me that was currently enjoying a very different well-endowed set of muscles.

Suddenly, without warning, I felt my release moving throughout my body. Starting at the opening where his body moved so smoothly within mine, out through my torso traveling steadily down my arms and legs to the very ends of my fingers and toes.

My energy burst out from me, shaking me as it flowed from my center slamming into Edward. His energy hit me with double the force completely taking my breath away.

Falling forward into his arms, my breasts crushing against his granite chest, I kissed him as if I had not kissed him in ages. Even then, I kept moving, riding not only his still marvelously rock hard erection but also his energy with each slow, languorous movement.

With one swift motion, Edward flipped me onto my back never missing a beat as he glided in and out of me.

"Again?" He whispered into my mouth as his tongue traced my lips, his breath only adding to my intoxication of the moment.

"Yes…." I panted back with a smile, "I want more…"

I wanted to have him inside me always. I knew it was dangerous to want to feel this wonderful all the time, to be so desperate to feel this extreme high, but I had no will to fight it. I needed to have his hands on my bare skin, touching me, caressing me, sending his love for me through his very fingertips straight to my core. And, I could feel he wanted the same from me.

"Hmmm…" His voice vibrated against my lips, "I seem to be incapable of refusing you anything, my beautiful Bella." His tongue slipped into my mouth and kept time with his body as we once again gave ourselves wholly to the passionate dance of love and temptation.


	16. Chapter 16 A Reason to Leave

Chapter Sixteen

A Reason to Leave

We were enjoying the sun as we lay together in the small clearing. It had been almost three years to the day that Edward had saved me with his eternal kiss. The year before he had remembered the date with something special, and I was hoping that this year it would be something small and secret that only we would share. So far, he hadn't given me any clue as to what kind of gift he had in store for me. Though he knew I didn't really want any other gifts than the most precious gift he had already given me, eternity with him, all I could hope for would be some time alone together. That would definitely be a wonderful gift.

Edward had needed a break from the house he was designing for us and we both needed to hunt. We would have our new home built on the property next to our family's home. He had designed the house around a central point, a grand piano he was having custom built. I told him he was using my emotional outbursts as an excellent excuse to buy a new piano and he totally agreed.

They weren't as bad as they used to be, these episodes, and with help from Edward and Jasper, I had learned to conceal and focus my feelings, all except one; when I felt affectionate, everyone in the house felt it too. I was able to control it to a degree, but it just always seemed to explode out into the house at some point while Edward and I were making love.

No one seemed to mind, but my lack of self-control was embarrassing, to me at least. It was Edward's idea to build a house. Having the few chances to show him all the love I held inside, he didn't want me to control that part of myself. He wanted to feel it all and so did I. We found, with just a little distance between us, the impact on the other members of our family was minimal if any.

Edward had removed his shirt, another we would need to replace. His chosen prey, mountain lion, was always very aggressive and his clothes, mostly shirts, were usually shredded by the time he was finished hunting. So far, the prey I hunted, almost always deer or caribou, rarely turned to fight. They just gave a good chase, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

I sat marveling at Edward's skin in the sun. It was still such a wondrous thing to see, even more so now that my sight was so acute. He was resplendent in the light of the cloudless afternoon. Gliding my hand across his chest, our skin looked as if it melded into one glittering form. Leaning over, I kissed the smooth flesh I'd been touching. He drew in a breath and whispered my name, "Bella."

I was confused by his sudden burst of sadness, but his feelings were quickly replaced by joy. Pulling me down to him, he held me tight in his arms. His lips touched my neck then, his tongue slowly traveled over my skin setting alight my desire for him. The second I revealed my longing for him, a low guttural moan rumbled up from deep within him.

Then, what has happened numerous times in the past happened again – his cell phone vibrated. Quickly, he pulled it from his pocket, grasped in his fingertips.

"Don't." I warned him.

He raised his arm and the phone flew from his hand like a bullet shot from a gun. Luckily, I'd become very good at catching them before they were lost forever. I snatched it in mid-flight and slid it into my own pocket before it stopped vibrating.

Our romantic moment had quickly turned into a wresting match with Edward's goal being to pin me and remove the annoying little object. Even though he had not succeeded in pinning me once in three years, it never stopped him from trying. And though my strength is no match for his any longer, I am much more flexible.

He rolled me onto my stomach and finally managed to pull his phone from my pocket and I was in the wrong position to reach for it when he tossed it away. Then, it was gone.

I lay there, laughing. "I swear you do that just so you can buy the next new little gadget that's out!"

Edward lay down, his body covering mine, his teeth on my neck gently nipping his way across my back to the other side. I was enjoying every second of it when I felt a vibration in my other pocket.

_My phone!_

"Damn!" Edward cursed as he pressed his forehead down against the base of my neck.

I stopped giggling immediately. No one ever called my phone unless it was an emergency – all of our family knew Edward would never dare toss my phone away. He had already pulled it from my pocket understanding the need to answer.

"Yes, Carlisle?" He listened, "Not far," We both stood. "I understand, we'll be right there." He closed my phone and handed it to me. I could feel the tension building in him.

"What's happened?"

"Alice has had an unpleasant vision, Demetri is headed this way and he's not alone."

We took off at a run. Within minutes, we were stepping through the front door where we found everyone in the living room waiting. Edward heard their thoughts all at once and I felt their emotions. Only Emmett and Rosalie seemed to be in any sort of state standing next to the fireplace. Everyone else was sitting on the huge leather sofa as if they were just enjoying the scenery. However Emmett … Emmett was a bouncing ball of excitement and Rosalie… Rosalie was scared, scared to death.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked cautiously never taking my eyes from Rosalie when my answer came from Carlisle.

"I believe we are being summoned for a visit to the Volturi." My eyes flashed over in his direction.

_They've come looking for me already?_

It had been a little over three years since I stood before them with Edward and Alice at my sides. Edward had firmly believed it would take them much longer to come looking for me. He had believed it so thoroughly at the time that it was one of the reasons he had not wanted to change me. Time was not the same for vampires as it is for humans.

"We believe that Demetri was not only sent to make sure that you have joined us, but to take you back for a visit as well. Otherwise, I am certain he would have come alone." Carlisle continued.

Rosalie's fear was so strong, hitting me in hard pulses from across the room. There was no need for her to say the words; I knew what it was she feared.

Carlisle continued to explain, "Alice has had a vision, she saw Demetri in Forks, he's tracking us. He went to the last place the Volturi knew we had lived and he must have picked up at least one, if not all of us being in such close proximity." He stood and walked directly to me, taking my hand in his, "The truth is Bella, there is nowhere we could run to that they would not find us." His kind eyes showed no anxiety whatsoever.

The strongest emotions in the room shifted from fear to overwhelming anger. Edward's arms surrounded me instantly. One of his normally gentle hands pressed my face hard into his chest. A deep vicious rumble building inside of him. It was all I could do to block the anger that began ricocheting off the very walls of the house.

Then, he was roaring…

I wrenched my head from Edward's grip and stared into his eyes that should have been the light color of honey, but instead were black as pitch. The most horrendous snarling and growling filled the room. Edward, Rosalie and then Emmett joining in the fray.

"Stop it! All of you!" Carlisle and Esme yelled in unison.

"I could kill you where you stand!" Edward hissed menacingly as his dark eyes never left Rosalie's beautiful frightened face. I couldn't remember ever seeing him so angry. I immediately shut my emotions off from him and everyone else.

"Edward!" Carlisle scolded.

"She would die for you!" he hissed again.

"Edward! That's enough!" I had never heard Carlisle raise his voice and could feel that it pained him to do so, especially with Edward.

Rosalie was visibly trembling, but not at Edward's threats, she was afraid for Emmett. Using technique's Jasper had taught me, I calmed myself and in doing so, let it seep out into the whole room, calming the anger and fear that surrounded me, especially Edward's emotions since he was in physical contact with me. As soon as I felt he had regained his composure, I pulled myself from his arms and went to Rosalie.

Our relationship was rocky at the best of times. Unfortunately, we shared a trait that was not conducive to a comfortable association, stubbornness. Nevertheless, this sister whose love and friendship I valued so much was trembling with anger and fear. The last place she ever wanted to go on this earth was to the Volturi.

"I understand, Rosalie." I said as I wrapped my arms around her. She stood motionless like a life size marble statue.

"Bella, I don't need you to comfort me." She snapped at me. I held on giving her my understanding and within seconds, I felt her give in with a huge sigh. "I'm so sorry. Bella, you know I love you, but please… say we don't have to go." She whispered her plea.

I whispered in her ear, "No one does, I'm going alone."

As I knew it would, the room exploded with voices, all yelling in a single chorus. A flood of emotions crashed into me forcing me to concentrate on my own feelings and keeping them in check while so many around me were out of control. The only ones standing quiet and calm besides myself were Esme and Carlisle. I turned searching Carlisle's eyes, if he were feeling anything other than calm, his emotions were not coming through with all the other commotion in the room.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward reach for one of the marble bookends from a nearby shelf. Feeling a spike of anger hit me and hearing a curse fly from between his lips, he threw the heavy marble carving toward the living room window and because of nothing more than mere reflex, I raced to the window, reaching out to catch it.

"Bella, no!" Edward dived after me.

I felt the bookend hit my hand and my fingers folded around it, but the force with which he threw it drove me through the window and I fell backward shattering the glass, landing hard on the wooden deck outside. In trying to catch me before I hit the window, Edward only managed to follow me down through the millions of little pieces that rained down on us. I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips as I gazed into his troubled eyes…he was trying to protect me…again.

A long forgotten memory flashed through me …

_Falling. I was falling through glass… I cut my finger and then I was falling… wait…I was bleeding and… Edward attacked me._ I shook my head, that couldn't be right. _He wasn't attacking me, he was protecting me! From what?_

I looked over Edward's shoulder and for some strange reason I had fully expected to see Jasper's vicious snarling face snapping hungry teeth at me.

It wasn't Jasper's face I saw, but Emmett's huge smiling one. He pulled Edward up by his arm, and then both of them took my hands and brought me to my feet.

"Bella, we've learned around Edward that sometimes you just gotta let things fly." He was laughing, but the tension was still thick in the air.

In an instant, Edward's hands were on my face, gently pulling me to him, "Bella, you can't think for one second that I would let you out of my sight, let you stand alone?"

Carlisle spoke, his voice was strong and calm, "We will ALL stand with her." He had made it perfectly clear that the discussion was over. My eyes swept the room for Rosalie. Her beautiful face was drawn and defeated as if Emmett had already been handed a death sentence.

"You're damn right! I wouldn't miss this for anything!"

_Emmett can't wait. He just doesn't get it._

"Emmett, you absolutely cannot start anything! I have stood before them before and even if I don't remember how or why I came to be there, I know we are extremely lucky to still be here." My words were falling on deaf ears. His attitude had not changed in the slightest, he was still much too eager to go and I wasn't about to be the root cause of Emmett's demise. "Emmett, do you have any idea how horrible this life would be without you? Do you know how Rosalie would suffer? How we would all suffer?"

_He can't possibly imagine. He's never faced that kind of loss._

I brought forth the dark emptiness I kept so well hidden in the deepest corner of my body and gave him a small taste of it. My family watched in bewildered silence as Emmett's knees buckled and his massive body slumped to the floor, his arms clutching tightly across his chest.

"No, no, no." he whispered. "Bella…"

Rosalie's wide eyes drifted slowly over to me, "Bella! Stop it!" she was stunned, "Please!"

Drawing back my emptiness, I watched as Emmett came back to himself. He reached out for Rosalie, lovingly wrapping her in his massive arms. His eyes locked on mine. He wasn't angry, he was in awe.

"Bella, how do you ever live with such a …void inside you?" His voice seemed weak.

Searching my memory I tried to find the source of that emptiness, that void. It was always something that eluded me. "I don't know, Emmett. I can't remember where it came from. Its just… part of me. I'm really sorry to have put you through that, but you needed to know."

Edward's arms came around me squeezing me hard as a terrible sadness flowed over me from deep inside of him. I blocked it out, letting him feel it on his own, and I didn't have the time or the strength to feel anyone else's emotion at that moment. I needed to focus on my own feelings, keep my own fear and anxiety on a tight leash.

Emmett lifted Rosalie in his arms and carried her out of the dining room and up the stairs to their room. Before they disappeared into their room, I heard him tell her in a low voice, "I promise I will not start a fight, but you can't ask me not to protect you if I need to."

"Bella?" Esme was at my side brushing stray pieces of glass from me and they tinkled as they hit the floor. "Aro is only curious. He wants to see if you have developed any powers."

"Since your mind is still locked to Edward it may also be the same with Aro." Carlisle was not upset in any way by all of this. "Don't show your power's to him until he asks. When he reads my thoughts, which I know he will, even I don't really know the extent of what you are capable of so, it's impossible for me to give too much away."

I felt very comforted knowing that Carlisle and Esme were not afraid in the least. They both seemed very confident that we would come out of this just fine, which was more than I could say for myself.

Edward steered me to the couch, then went back to help Esme sweep up the broken glass.

Carlisle sat down across from me and took my hand. "Bella, Alice hasn't seen anything that would lead me to believe that this is anything more than what I have already said, a visit." Carlisle knew it was no use to lie to me, to soften the truth. I always knew if they did, I could feel the vibrations change in the air. "Actually, she's quite excited. She's looking forward to spending some time shopping." He chuckled.

"All will be right with the world." I laughed knowing that if Alice was already living in the future beyond our visit, everything would be fine.

After returning the bookend to the shelf, Edward came to the couch and sat down a cushion away. I was afraid he wanted me to leave him alone with his thoughts. I knew there were times when he didn't want me to touch him. No matter how well I concealed my feelings and kept them from spreading out into a room, with him, my slightest touch muddled his feelings only because of his love for me.

Carlisle stood and left the room following Esme into the kitchen. Staring out the huge gaping whole where a window had been only minutes ago, I sighed, wondering if I should go to my room and give Edward the space he so obviously wanted at the moment. I began to stand when I felt his fingers take hold of mine and pull me over to him. Wrapping his hand around my neck, he pulled me down laying my head in his lap as he gazed down into my eyes, his velvet fingers softly stroking my face.

Closing my eyes, I gave in and let his touch soothe me into a trance. Though I never slept, with Edward's help, I could relax myself into an almost waking dream state. In this state I could recall memories from my human life and sometimes it helped with the confusing thoughts that would randomly flash through my mind.

Focusing, I tried to remember where the emptiness came from.

_Why did I have this gaping ragged hole inside where all my memories seemed to hide and creep up on me when I least expect them to? What happened to me that ripped my world apart and left this black void?_

It must have been something extremely painful because in all my searching, I was never able to find it. And still… it seemed I would be lost without it.

Instead, another memory came forth. A memory I had never expected to see, not right then at least.

Dark eyes, dark copper colored skin with black hair framing his soft warm face.

_Jacob._

It was not his werewolf face but his sweet innocent face, the face of a friend. I remembered the feel of his skin so hot on mine, his dark eyes filled with love. And, I had loved him too. Not the wild passionate all-encompassing love I lived and breathed every second of my existence, but something warm and soothing. His promise to destroy my family sent a shudder through me, but I was determined to bury it deep and hold on to the soothing memory that now enclosed me. I couldn't allow his promise to cloud my thoughts in anyway right then.

I heard his voice so clear in my head… from another time, _'Bella, I hope you don't die'_.

_He was begging me not to go with Alice. Not to go to Italy… to let Edward die. Why was Edward in Italy in the first place? I know that Edward left me for a while but even if he were to tell me why, it wouldn't really be my memory of the event._

It was all so confusing, but I was sure that I went to Italy all the same. Only my own death would have stopped me from going to Edward. That was when I stood in front of the Volturi, a terrifying memory I would much rather forget. However, there I lay waiting to go stand before them to be inspected and graded for what purpose I had no clue.

The many emotions that accompanied these memories swirled inside me like a tornado, kicking up random memories that, at the time seemed to have no connection to any other memory. Not wanting to feel anything negative, anything that would take me to a place I didn't want to be as I lay so peaceful in Edward's arms, I focused only on the love I felt for Jacob as I left him standing in my driveway and my love for Edward as I rushed to be at his side.

My love for Jacob and the friendship we shared once had awoken something within me, something that freed up so many other memories of my human past, let my mind see the truth of Jacob's feelings for me so long ago before he had been consumed with jealousy and hate. He had been my friend, kept my loneliness at bay while Edward was away from me.

_He wanted more…more than a friendship…but I couldn't. I loved Edward. Where was he? Why did he leave?_

I stood before the Volturi as nothing more than a frail human girl and managed to make it out without so much as a scratch. Aro wanted something from me, but with the support of my family, I knew I could handle anything he may throw my way.

I reached up slipping my hand around Edward's neck and pulled his lips to mine. The underlying feeling that I carried with me day and night that each kiss may be the last was gone. It would not be the last time I shared my love, my energy with him. We would survive this necessary visit to the Volturi. I opened my eyes, sat up and took Edward's hand bringing him with me as I headed toward our bedroom. We didn't have much time, only an hour or so before Demetri would be at the front door, but it was time enough.

"They're almost here." Edward and I were wrapped in each other's arms, our bodies still interlocked in the most wonderful way. "Alice just saw them coming up the highway." He paused for a second, "I should be able to hear them soon."

_Just one more moment, please. _

It was a purely selfish thought, but I didn't care.

"Bella," Edward's voice deep with emotion, tugged at my very core, "I will love you forever. I will allow no one to take you from me and I will never leave you." He whispered urgently into my mouth.

"Edward, I'm glad you finally figured out that you will never be rid of me." I squeezed him tighter burying my face in his perfectly chiseled chest. "In some very important ways, you are much more dangerous than the Volturi." My fingers gently played with his ear, "If they were to take me, you would never stop fighting for me, you would never give up."

His body trembled against mine as anger shot through him suddenly. A growl began deep in his chest.

"Never, Bella, I would never stop." I couldn't halt the grateful smile that spread across my face. "I will never stop protecting you. There would be no reason to exist without you. You are my life, Isabella."

Edward lay very still. I assumed he was listening for them, the Volturi guards.

But, from the living room, I could hear Alice squealing with happiness. I looked up expecting Edward to tell me what had occurred to make her so jubilant in an otherwise dreadful situation.

"Damn, no one can keep a secret in this house." A guilty smile had spread across his face.

"What secret is that?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret." Taking my hand, he kissed the promise he had placed there three years ago then, lifted his eyes to the window. "Carlisle was right." He pressed one more kiss on my lips. "Everything will be fine."

At that moment, it was the truth and I felt better knowing he believed it. He moved slowly, unraveling his body from mine, pulling me from the bed as I reluctantly followed. He dressed in lightning speed and then slowly helped me with my jeans as we heard a car coming down the road. While I slipped my shoes on, I heard the car stop, men jump out and quickly take the steps up the porch.

Edward's eyes locked onto mine slowly traveled my entire face and while he looked at me with so much love, I desperately wished I could still shed tears.

"They're on the porch." He took my hand and we walked out to the living room. The whole family was standing, waiting. I noticed that someone had closed all the storm shutters in the large living room and wondered if we would be gone from our home that long. Carlisle opened the door to four men, only one I barely recognized, Demetri.

"Good evening, Carlisle!"

"Demetri." Carlisle motioned him and his companions into the house.

They filed in and we all stood around silently. Edward listening. I could feel that they were very relaxed, not wanting to fight. Finally, Demetri broke the silence.

"You know why we have come."

Carlisle only nodded.

Demetri was smiling at me then, his sharp red eyes swept the room. "I am pleased you didn't relocate too far from your last known home. We went through that little town, Forks, and I can understand why you left. We were curious where the foul odor had come from. It is a stench we did not recognize. Now we understand. The entire area reeks of werewolf. We lost one of our party while we were there. We must have crossed over their territory since they came out of nowhere and broke off their chase as we came close to your old house." He was still smiling. I found his speech very odd... he paused in between each sentence as if he was forced to consciously think about every word he said. "I have not come across werewolves in years! I had forgotten how vicious they are. I would have enjoyed staying to play with them awhile, but we had orders." His dark eyes quickly shifted to me.

Everyone was silent, not volunteering any information.

"I see you decided to turn your pet into a lover. How… quaint. We rarely keep our pets around long – they have to prove they have something special to offer." He looked at Rosalie with hungry eyes and I expected to hear Emmett remark on that, but he didn't make a sound. Demetri's eyes centered on me again. "Does this one have something special to share with us? I seem to recall her mind was closed to you and Aro. Is it still closed to you, Edward?" Only his eyes would shift, the rest of his body was motionless.

"Yes." Edward replied coldly.

"Nevertheless, Aro will do his own tests on her talents." We were all silent, barely breathing.

Demetri suddenly motioned towards the door. "We have a jet waiting for us."

We left our home in silence. Alice and Jasper were the only ones carrying bags. No one else had packed anything, not even Rosalie who never went anywhere without half her closet in tow. Alice slipped her arm through mine. I hadn't noticed before with all the mild tension in the room, but she was all but coming out of her skin with excitement. I thought it was because we were finally going somewhere, as a family, even if it was to someplace we really didn't plan on going. It made me feel sad to think that the family traveled less now that I was with them. I still had a little trouble around people so I stayed away from places like the airport.

The smile that spread across her face was so infectious I couldn't help but smile back at her.

_How in the world can she be so happy?_ I wondered.

"Alice, don't you dare." Edward spoke so low and so rapid that I didn't think anyone else but me and Alice heard him speaking.

"Of course not!" She spoke as if she were in the middle of a conversation and knowing her and Edward, I realized that was exactly what was going on. Even though he had given her a threat, he had the biggest silly grin on his face, like a little child who had been caught being naughty.

The ride to the airport was long and quiet. Edward was trying to listen to the guard's thoughts from the car ahead of us. I was surprised he held me so easily. No tension was in his body whatsoever until we needed to go through security at the airport. We went through a building far off to one side where the public wasn't allowed. Alice had everyone's passport and ID, turned and began handing them out to their owners, even new ones for me, expertly forged, I was sure. Jasper stayed by my side along with Edward as the security officers checked our ID's. I was very pleased to find I could be in the presence of humans in such a small area with no desire to get any closer to them.

They did seem quite speechless at the sight of us and when Rosalie stepped forward, all the security officers seemed to stop breathing. It was something she lived for. As the officer handed her passport and ID back to her, her finger must have brushed against his because he pulled his hand back suddenly as if he had been shocked. I saw his face fill with warm blood, a human reaction that in the past would have instantly pulled me to him like a magnet, only caused my stomach to clench uncomfortably.

_Don't look at him! Don't breathe!_ I told myself.

Closing my eyes, I turned my head away rubbing my cheek against Edward's chest and slowly felt my insides relax.

Raising my lips to Edward's ear, I whispered. "How could you stand it when I blushed like that?"

He looked down at me smiling. He did that a lot when we went out around humans. He found my reactions to what I used to be, frail, fragile, breakable, very humorous. "That man's blush is nothing compared to yours. Your blush was intoxicating." His reply was a whispered compliment that stirred my hair.

Within minutes, we were aboard the jet and set to taxi down the runway.

"I've gotta get one of these!" Emmett was boiling over with the thought of flying his own jet. "How 'bout it, Edward? You wanna go in for one?" Obviously, their angry outburst with each other back at the house had been forgotten for now.

"I'll think about it." Edward was trying to sound as if he would make the decision later, but I could see by looking at Alice, the decision was already made.

"It'd be great! At least we wouldn't have to worry about taking Bella through an airport anymore!" He shot me a teasing glance. Knowing Emmett, he would probably not let it go until Edward agreed to buy one.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Emmett." I said.

"Oh Bella, you know I love ya, but sooner or later you're just gonna have to get off the continent!"

Leaning into Edward, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "That's one way to look at it I guess." I let my head rest on Edward's shoulder. I just wanted everyone to keep talking so I could keep my mind off of where we were headed. "If we did buy a jet, where would we go first?" I had directed my question to Edward, but Alice jumped in quickly.

"Oh Bella!" She was excited all over again. "There are so many wonderful places to go! There is so much of this world that you need to see!" Her answer only confirmed that she already knew we were getting one.

"We're not buying a jet just so you can go shopping." Edward rolled his eyes. It must have been a thought that both Alice and Rosalie shared because they both scoffed at him and went into their own conversation, which I was sure consisted of not much more than packing their already bulging closets.

"Edward," I whispered to him. "Take me someplace."

He smiled and stroked my face with his finger. He laid his head back and closed his eyes. He was quiet for a moment. "There is an island off the coast of Croatia. It's a national park so no one is allowed to live there." He opened his eyes and looked at Esme and Carlisle. "Esme, do you remember that beautiful villa we rented for awhile?" She smiled and nodded. "It was before the rest of our family joined us. We would swim over to the island, hike all day and never see anyone." He looked down at me and smiled. "We used to jump off the cliffs into these huge pools. Bella, you would love it, just your kind of extreme sport."

Instantly, I had the feeling of not being able to breathe. An extremely vivid memory flashed through me. Everything went dark and I could feel cold air rushing past me. Then, I was being thrown and beaten. Salty water from a million tears filled my mouth and lungs. I was drowning. I grabbed the armrests and sat straight up in my chair. I could hear Edward's frightened voice calling me, "Bella!"

I drew in a gasping breath. "I drowned?" I was shocked that I wouldn't have remembered something so important. The reason why came to me in a flash. "I jumped from a cliff just to hear your voice one more time." I didn't realize I had said it out loud. Just then, I felt my body leave the seat and I was on Edward's lap, his arms possessively around me as if I were a fragile human girl.

"Oh, Bella." He whispered. Sadness filled him again.

I opened my eyes and could see that everyone had felt my fear. Demetri had come from the front of the jet and was standing in the middle of the isle, looking at me with one eyebrow raised. He smiled, turned and walked back to the front of the plane.

"Will the bad memories ever stop coming back to haunt me?" I whispered to Edward.

"No, they just become easier to bear." He kissed my forehead.

I wrapped my arm around his neck and kissed him as if no one was looking.

"Bella that might not be a good idea right now." Jasper said.

"Can anyone else feel it?" I snapped, a little annoyed.

He paused for a moment then, "No."

"Fine." I smiled and pulled Edward to me again.

I heard Emmett talking to Rosalie. "Rosy, how would you like to explore a jet engine, huh?"

"It would give me something to look forward to." Her voice was a little tight. "Promise me we'll buy one when this is over."

"I promise."

xxX0Xxx

We were in three separate cars driving up the winding road to Volterra. Memories flash through my mind like photographs. I remembered the city crowded with people all in red. It was some sort of celebration that wouldn't come to me. A yellow car – Alice's car. No wait…not her car – she had stolen that car at the airport and later Edward had bought her the little yellow Porsche as a gift.

"I'm heading straight out to buy something, anything as soon as this is over and then a nice long walk through the city tonight would probably do us all some good." Alice was already off living in the future. It was nice to hear. "Bella, I know you detest shopping, but don't you think that for just this once you might like to go? We could all go."

A nice long walk to take in the city would be wonderful! For three years I had not gone very far from our house or the boundaries of our property without an escort and to be out in another country lifted something from me that I wasn't even aware I was feeling, the sense of being trapped, of being in a cage. Even though the bars that kept me confined were Edward's loving arms, it was still somewhat a prison. I wouldn't be confined forever, only until my thirst could be controlled beyond a doubt. I had made frequent trips to Fairbanks with Edward and other members of my family always at my side without incident and so far, my experience at the airport was proof that I was almost ready to go out into society without the fear of hurting someone or exposing my family.

It was a sad fact though that I had the least amount of clothing in the house. Even Emmett, who would rather run naked, had a closet full, but that was mostly because Rosalie bought them for him. Not being able to go out and buy my own clothing for so long, I had made it clear that no one was to buy me anything that couldn't be thrown in the washer and dryer a thousand times. So that kept Alice, Esme and Rosalie from trying to dress my like a model.

"I think I would enjoy that very much, Alice. I'll need to hunt first though."

I looked at Edward's face in the mirror. He had that silly grin back on which, made me suspicious of what was he up to? Alice started squealing again and beating on the steering wheel with her hands.

"If I would have known it would make you so happy just to share a shopping trip, I wouldn't have made such a fuss every time you dragged me out."

She was wildly shaking her head no, "It's not that Bella!" I saw her eyes in the rearview mirror. "Edward!"

Before I could even turn to look at him, Edward turned me in my seat to face him. "Bella…" His face was serious, his golden eyes locked onto mine, "Bella, will you marry me? After we leave this place, as soon as possible…marry me here, in Italy?"

_So, this is why Alice was so excited before we left the house. He had made the decision to ask me while we lay in bed. This is the secret._

"Alice, please!" He was trying to shush her as he anxiously waited for me to answer.

I pulled my eyes from his and looked down at our hands that were now intertwined. "I was beginning to wonder if you would ever ask me again." I was teasing him, giving some of his own back, but I couldn't hold it. I looked up at him from under my eyelashes before throwing myself into him. "Yes, Edward, yes, yes, yes!"

"Oh, does this mean a wedding dress and all the trimmings?" Alice was asking cautiously. Because it hinged on my answer, this was something she hadn't seen yet.

I pulled my lips from Edward's and looked at him waiting for him to answer. "It's up to Bella."

"We are doing this just once, right?"

"That is also entirely up to you." He knew once would be enough for me. I was certainly not in it for the show.

I smiled and thought about it for a second before I gave Alice my answer. "Yes. A wedding dress and all the trimmings."

Edward could not have given this family a better reason to leave intact.

xxX0Xxx

We pulled up in front of an old building I didn't recognize. All the old buildings looked so much alike here. I didn't remember ever looking at it when we left before, but that didn't mean much since I had so few of my human memories available to me. We stepped into the huge lobby, boarded an elevator and went up two floors. When the doors opened, I found that I did have a memory of this place. I just had never been able to put it where it belonged before. It was the plush lobby we had been seated in while waiting until dark and it was exactly as it had been the last time I had been there.

The woman at the desk was different though. Her name had been…Giana. I wondered if they had decided to 'keep their pet'. This woman was just as pretty and unafraid and still very human – I was sure she knew what went on in this place. I was happy to find that her scent hardly bothered me. I had fed well before leaving Alaska so _maybe_ I would be able to walk among humans unaccompanied by my family much sooner than I had thought.

Three of the guard went down the hall, all except Demetri, and left us waiting in the lobby. I tried to keep my eyes on Edward. Watching his expression, feeling his mood as I tried to see if anything had changed. He kept his eyes on Demetri as he strolled slowly over to the desk where the woman stood smiling and batting her eyes at him. I wondered briefly if she flirted with all the vampires like that and then I felt it…she wanted him. Demetri certainly didn't feel the same way about her. All I could feel from him was hunger. Menacing hunger. He didn't _need_ to feed, just _wanted_ to feed, from her. I turned my head away not wanting to see it much less feel it. Edward shifted us both to face his family. His mood had changed suddenly, _disgust?_ He would have heard what they were thinking.

I had concluded long ago, that feeling emotions was just as powerful as hearing thoughts, if not more so. You could still think falsely, but your body could rarely lie. Our combined gifts made Edward and I an awesome team.

_Oh my God_…_ that's why we are here._ _We are a dangerous combination._

The thought whispered across my mind. My eyes shot over to Alice. Nothing. She was not worried, anxious, nervous… nothing negative. Alice was bouncing up and down on her toes with excitement. It had to be a good sign.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward nod in Jasper's direction. His mood shifted to amusement. With his arm still wrapped around my waist, Edward walked me over to where Emmett and Rosalie were standing together.

There it was again… Rosalie was terrified. I could just imagine the thoughts going threw her head.

Edward moved us up close, came to within inches of Emmett's face.

"Edward, don't worry." He muttered rapidly under his breath. His usual happy face was very serious, somber and I knew this huge man who stood before me, who had fully adopted me as his little sister would do nothing to endanger us and everything to protect us. "Rosalie will kill me herself if I misbehave."

Edward's face broke out in a smile. "After we are through here, before we go home, Bella and I are getting married."

Emmett's contagious smile returned instantly.

Rosalie grabbed me in a bear hug and whispered in my ear, "Thank you." Her gratefulness was unmistakable. She hugged Edward and I heard her gratitude whispered to him as well. From what I could feel coming from the other side of the lobby, Alice had told Esme and Carlisle and they were heading over to congratulate us.

Esme's smile was so sweet, her deep topaz eyes sparkled, she looked as if she could cry from happiness. She hugged me softly, kissing my cheek, and then hugged Edward and kissed him also. Carlisle's face glowed as he wrapped his arms gently around me, giving me a completely fatherly hug. Yes, I would be so proud to have him walk me down the aisle to wed his son.

The joy coming off both of them was like nothing I had felt from them before, almost as if Edward and I had just become engaged instead of being together for the last three years and suddenly deciding to tie the knot. _What is it with matrimony and these vampires anyway?_ I just didn't get it. Something, as a human, I had been staunchly opposed to at one time, was something they honored deeply. Of course, I had changed my mind, given in. That's why I had worn Edward's promise on my finger since the day he placed it there.

Just then, a guard came down the hall and nodded to Demetri.

"This way please." Demetri motioned us forward. We followed him down the long ornate hallway to the panel that hid the wooden door. As he opened it, the smell hit me like a slap in the face. It was an ancient odor. Although I couldn't see it, no amount of water could wash it away.

The smell of centuries of spilled blood filled this room. Old blood. Dead blood. My stomach clenched. The nasty odor was nauseatingly sweet. The faces of countless people flashed in my mind, scared faces. I pushed them away and stopped my unnecessary breathing. I had to stop circulating that horrid smell through me. I looked up at Edward and made a face, noticing that he had also stopped breathing for the moment.

We all filed through the stone antechamber and into the huge circular room. In three throne-like chairs were the three ancient vampires I had met briefly the last time I had been in that room, Aro, Marcus and Caius. Standing next to them were two small vampires, only children, Alec and Jane. I remembered Jane alright. She had no power over me, but she could make the ones I loved suffer horribly. We stepped up to within feet of them.

The emotions that filled this room were overwhelming. Hunger, curiosity, jealousy, envy, but the strongest of all was undoubtedly from Aro. He was happy. It just bothered me that I didn't know why. Edward would know, he would hear it, but he wouldn't dare tell me, _would he?_

Suddenly, as if he heard my thoughts, Edward's intense love surrounded me, calmed me, protected me, made me feel safe. Unfortunately, it also sent lightning racing thru my veins. _Concentrate!_ I had to fight the urge to jam my elbow into his ribs, but… _it's not his fault I can't resist him._

Aro came up from his chair, gliding to Carlisle who stood by my side.

"My old friend! How wonderful it is to see you!" Aro took Carlisle shoulders and kissed each of his cheeks. His smile was very genuine, _he really was very happy to see his friend_. He moved his hands down to grasp Carlisle's. Carlisle was completely unafraid.

"Aro, my friend." Carlisle closed his eyes, as Aro took in his thoughts. They stood that way for a minute or two, emotions swirling around them in ripples as Aro allowed Carlisle's thoughts to affect his feelings. A smile seemed to crack into Aro's thin skin.

"Thank you my friend. So many adventures and you have accomplished much more than even I thought possible." He released Carlisle's hands and looked to Esme. "You have taken a… wife? She is stunning, Carlisle." Aro's smile was warm, reaching all the way to his eyes. He raised his hand as if to touch her cheek, moved his finger within an inch of her skin. Esme didn't move, didn't blink, her lips held a faint smile. "You and Carlisle are so very fortunate to have found each other, two souls so perfectly matched." He slowly lowered his papery hand without ever touching her. He bowed his head slightly.

"Thank you Aro, and these are my children." Carlisle waved his hand, pointing to each of us in turn, "My son Emmett, my daughter Rosalie, my son Jasper and you have already been introduced to my daughter Alice, Edward, my eldest son and Bella who has most recently joined our family as my daughter and Edward's wife."

Carlisle's love for us had just made it very plain that we were together, a family under his protection.

Aro smiled at each of us before gliding the few inches to stand in front of me.

Marcus left his chair and glided next to Aro. I felt nothing but curiosity from him.

"Dear Bella, how glorious you've become." Aro's cloudy burgundy eyes seemed to be boring into me. He held out his hand to Marcus. Marcus placed a finger in it. Aro smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Marcus." Aro stood silently smiling at me for a moment, his emotions filled the air around me, curiosity and _satisfaction_ so close, so thick I could almost taste it. "Well, I can see that it would be foolish of me to ask any of you to consider joining us." He smiled and his eyes flickered towards Alice then Edward. "Edward, her mind has become closed to you again, but there was a short period of time when it had been unlocked. Very curious." Edward did not move. Aro smiled at him and reached out his hand. "Would you allow me, Edward?" Edward placed his hand in Aro's.

Once again, Aro's emotions rippled in the air, then hit me in waves. Sadness, hunger, love, lust all swirled up together flowing over me, Aro feeling emotions through Edward's thoughts.

Another few minutes passed, although silently, I felt it all, before Aro released Edward's hand.

"Yes, it was much more difficult than you had imagined, was it not, this _la tua cantante_?" His voice barely above a whisper, Edward nodded. "Your memories of taking her are so… passionate, so vivid – they have filled my mouth with the taste of her blood. Exquisite. And yet, you found the strength to stop." He stood with his eyes closed for a couple of seconds. "Your family loves you both very much having done so much to save her from your thirst. And to have been completely forgiven for this…weakness, as you think of it… is quite a gift."

"Yes, he has been forgiven, without reservation." I answered, holding back that part of my voice that threatened to break free. I could very easily control one vampire but I had no idea how many others I could control at the same time. _God, I should have practiced that._ It took all my power to keep my own emotions concealed when I wanted nothing more than to blast him with my anger.

I was ready to get this visit over with. I held out my hand to Aro. He looked down at it smiling. Slowly he raised his hand and took mine, folding his ancient fingers around it. I wanted to pull my hand away at his touch, his skin like soft crumpled tissue. He looked into my eyes as only a few seconds passed then, he released my hand.

"Bella, I'm afraid you are still a mystery to me." He smiled a curious smile, a slight curving of his mouth that held no menace whatsoever. "I understand that you have never tasted the blood of a human."

My nose wrinkled involuntarily. The smell of that awful place flooded my body as I took a breath. It certainly did not make me desire the blood of humans – that old dead smell did nothing but twist my insides in a knot.

"It makes it easier not to miss something I've never had."

He smiled and nodded. Turning, he glided away from me stopping in front of Rosalie. Emmett stood at her side, his fingers laced through hers. She had no fear at that moment. Aro actually stared at her for minutes before speaking, his emotions light.

"Rosalie, you truly are one of the most beautiful vampires I have ever seen. You must remember, it is the power of beauty alone that has brought down many empires. Pity…the troops you could command before you would be undefeatable." Rosalie blinked, relaxed ever so slightly, not something anyone could see, only I could feel it.

Aro bowed his head to her beauty then, glided back to his chair. They all just sat there looking at us, inspecting us. No one spoke. I searched the room for their emotions, but they all just seemed… bored. I couldn't tell if we were finished with the visit or not. No one was moving toward the door yet. Then Aro spoke once more.

"Bella, your powers are similar to Jasper's are they not?"

"Yes, very similar." _Okay. Here comes my test._

"Make me feel something." He sat back and closed his eyes, opened himself to me without fear.

"What would you like to feel?" I knew I would have to be very cautious now. Give him only a small demonstration of what I could do. How would he know if I were holding back?

"Make me feel…joy." At that word, I felt the guards in the room go on alert. The entire room trembled with anticipation.

_What a strange request_. I was thinking he would want something more… threatening… like anger or fear maybe but, joy? _Okay. Joy was great!_ I concentrated on feeling it – I found it was a very recent emotion – _'Bella, will you marry me?' _There it was! Right there in those words. I focused it and let it flow through me. Just as I was ready to release it, I felt Edward barely squeeze my waist, his fingers barely twitching against my side. I held it back. This is why he asked for joy. He knew I would have no problem pouring it out on him. I would have been much more cautious from the beginning with anger or fear. But, something pleasant I might let fly through me and he would feel an amazingly strong emotion hit him. I suppressed my joy and let only a small portion slip through.

A smile grew on his ancient face and he gasp taking it in. "Bella, that is wonderful!" he opened his eyes. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

I pulled it back and leaned against Edward as if it were an effort. I doubted that it fooled him, but what the heck.

Aro stood slowly. "I believe you are capable of much, much more and will gain in strength as time goes by." He smiled at me and I knew that I had not fooled him in the least. "Tell me about what it is you do with your voice." His milky eyes looked hungry to feel that part of my power, eager to feel it.

That power I had tuned well and could use it whenever I wanted, though I rarely used it on members of my family without their permission. After the first time I demonstrated it on Carlisle, none of them were too eager to have me try it on them. It frightened them and I didn't blame them, it frightened me too sometimes. Fortunately, Edward and Jasper were good sports and helped me focus it by being my test subjects. Actually, Edward rather enjoyed it when I used my voice on him. He claimed it was an extremely pleasant sensation that heightened his already acute senses. However, I had a feeling that Aro was not interested in any kind of pleasurable sensation. Besides, my voice didn't cause pain, just aggravation and fear to what you couldn't control.

I took a deep breath that I instantly regretted.

"What would you have me make you do, Aro?" I sighed.

A smile crossed his face, one I was sure he thought was amusing, but to me it only looked evil. _He is amused_. "Oh, not me dear, I've already had my fun. Let's have our demonstration on…" he paused, as if he were deciding someone's fate, "Jane." He waved his hand in her direction, her shocked emotions whipped out at me, as if he had just slapped her. Emotions of all kinds flew around the room. Edward's arm pulled me as close as possible and I knew he was hearing thoughts that may be threatening in nature. As fast as the excitement came on, it was replace with calm.

_Thank you Jasper. _I thought to myself as I was having difficulty keeping my own emotions in check. The last thing I wanted to do was use my power to change the mood in the room. I needed to keep my gift hidden as much as possible to not seem such a threat or even worse, an asset.

Aro looked at Jasper and smiled then, he motioned for Jane to joins us. "Jane, be a dear and let Bella show us her power."

_Please! Not Jane!_

Purely out of habit, I swallowed and took a deep breath, once again wishing I hadn't. "Aro, don't you think that maybe this demonstration would be better done on someone like say… Demetri?" I tried to sound like I wasn't begging. Trying to convince him that maybe the test, _show_, would be more effective on someone more threatening. _At least threatening to me_. If Aro was still unable to read my thoughts, I had no doubt that Jane's powers would be useless against me. Nevertheless…she could still hurt my loved ones. Next to Jane, even with his size and strength, Demetri was practically harmless.

"Bella, don't be fooled by Jane's small stature. She is much more powerful than you know. Or is your power something completely physical?" Aro was almost smug.

Edward and Jasper had described the feeling they had experienced when I used the power of my voice and, yes, it was something completely physical because they still had total control of their mind even though their body was doing my bidding, but…I wasn't sure if Aro really needed to know that information so, I lied. "I don't know Aro, I really don't know."

"Well then, let's continue." He smiled.

I hesitated and that small hesitation lasted a second too long for him.

"Jane dear, give her a reason."

Instantly, Edward was writhing in agony on the ground. _Pain!_ Instant, horrible pain shot through him. I opened my mouth and the deep resonating vibration came out in my words.

"No! Stop!" I didn't even raise my voice.

Just as quickly as he had felt the pain, it was gone. Edward was on his feet as if nothing had happened. The illusion of pain had disappeared. Jane's little girl face held an innocent blank expression, which was quickly replaced by as much rage as she could muster. Rage that cascaded over me with amazing force for someone so tiny.

Aro bent low pulling Jane's face to his and kissed her little lips. "Jane, don't be angry, it's all in fun." Amused, he floated back to his throne and sat down.

_Is that it?_ Were we going to be able to leave this place? I looked over at Alice hoping I could read her emotions and she seemed fine. I couldn't find any fear in her.

Finally, Aro addressed us.

"Carlisle, you were wondering why she completed the change in such a short time. Having had multiple bites seems to have prepared her body to accept the change. We've seen it before, but not often." Aro sat silently for a moment then, a feeling of seriousness floated into me.

"The love which each of you holds for the others has made your coven very strong indeed. With Bella at Edward's side, your coven is complete. I am forced to tell you now that you must refrain from adding to your family by either creating them or recruiting them."

"We understand Aro." Carlisle answered, completely calm.

"Go in peace, my friends."

The room was still, settled. Aro had the last word.

Edward moved me, I was glad he did, my legs felt like lead. If he hadn't kept his arm securely around my waist, I wasn't sure if I could have stood or even walked on my own. We had already turned to leave when Aro spoke to me one last time.

"Sometimes we must do what is best to protect the ones we love from ourselves. Don't you agree, Bella?" _A warning?_

I made no expression, just walked out through the stone antechamber and never looked back. We were out of the building, in the cars and driving fast within seconds.

Jasper looked back at me. "That shouldn't have worked."

"I know." I looked up into Edward's face to see he knew it also.

What I had just done should not have worked if Jane's powers worked only in the mind of her victims. What she was capable of doing was something that must be a function of her brain and in that way, I was able to control her physically.

It was a frightening thought that was quickly replaced by the feeling that we had just escaped from what could have possibly turned into an ugly situation. After we left the walls of the city behind I couldn't help but start laughing, releasing all the anxiety I had pent up inside and once I did, so did Alice and Jasper.

Despite the fact that I was so relieved, Edward was unable to enjoy the moment. I had never suspected he would hold all his fear inside as he so obviously had. He had hidden it deeper than I could feel and not because my power was weak, but because I didn't try to find it. My own fear had taken over and clouded my senses. I would sure know better next time. If there was a next time with the Volturi.

Even though I wanted to, I didn't help him through the emotions that swept through him, but stay wrapped in his loving arms letting him work them out on his own. Without actually compelling him, I let my own happiness seep into him and after only a short time, his disposition shifted from the terror he had hidden so well, to overwhelming feelings of love and admiration. When Edward was ready, he turned me in his arms and shifting in the seat, pulled me to him, crushing my breasts into his hard chest.

His kisses were urgent at first then, softer and deeper. His hands moved all over me, as if he were making sure I was in one piece and intact after our ordeal and then more gently, lovingly, possessively. A luscious purr thrummed all over his body, traveling through him and into me and even though I was concealing the desire I wanted so desperately to let loose on him, I happily answered with a purr of my own.


	17. Chapter 17 Plans

Chapter Seventeen

Plans

The farther we drove away from Volterra, the better I felt and the wonderful way I felt flowed out into the car to include everyone in it. The overall mood in the car was so light it was as if we were all riding on a cloud. Edward had relaxed his hold on me, a little, and I could feel the horrible pent up tension in his body slowly releasing.

After getting in the car and speeding away as fast as possibly, we had finally calmed down from laughing so hard. While Alice, Jasper and I had laughed, Edward just sat there smiling my favorite crooked smile and shaking his head at us. Then he pulled me into his arms and we were locked at the lips for the next twenty-five minutes, his hands all over me until I wanted to crawl up onto him. I knew he could feel it, but not because I was focusing everything I had on him. I wasn't. I kept it hidden, concealing the crazy way he turned my inside out. I couldn't wait to get to the hotel and have him all to myself.

The ring on Alice's phone was cut off as she already knew someone was about to call and had it open and up to her face. Before the caller could speak, she was already commenting on something.

"That's wonderful!…Yes I know, we'll make time for that." She was suddenly speaking Italian.

_What have I gotten myself into?_ I wondered. Alice was hiding plans from me by doing that, forcing a smile to spread across my mouth causing Edward to remove his lips from mine.

"What are you smiling about? Did I do something funny?" He was smiling also.

"No, it's just that I guess some of this wedding is going to be a surprise, huh?"

"For both of us." He said as he drew his fingers over my cheek.

I was a bit confused, I was sure this was one of the many languages he spoke fluently. "Don't you speak Italian?"

"Yes, of course, but Alice asked me not listen in, especially on her. Everyone wants me to enjoy this as much as you. Besides, she's making plans without giving anything away right now." Edward seemed to be happy to be surprised which was weird because generally he had a thing about knowing what was going on all the time.

We drove for quite awhile until we could see the lights of Fucecchio just coming on in the early evening. Sitting up, I watched as we slowly went through the city. It was bizarre to be able to see a vampire here and there walking around in the crowds and how the humans unconsciously avoided getting too close to them. The vampires stood out to me like a beacon in the night. The graceful way they moved, most were extremely good looking and how their eyes seemed to flit from one human face to another. Even in the dark, I could see their skin reflecting the lights of the night, something no human would ever see. It was strange being in such a large city with our kind mingling with humans, their prey, so openly. Just like us. I was certainly seeing the world from a different perspective.

Finally, we pulled into a covered parking structure and two valets rushed out to take our cars. As I stepped from the car, I held my breath just to be safe. The valets were awestruck at the sight of us, but we went on as normal and they recovered quickly. With all the vampires around here, they must have gotten used to our appearance whether they knew why or not.

We quickly stepped through a huge glass revolving door and into the hotel lobby. It was decorated in a rich burgundy and tan. Satin, velvet and tan leather covered everything. A sparkling chandelier hung from the center of the room. There were small seating areas arranged near the large windows and out in a courtyard where a huge fountain stood spraying water into the air.

Esme and Carlisle went up to the desk while Alice and Rosalie disappeared into the clothing boutique that was off the right side. Emmett and Jasper stayed close behind Carlisle while Edward and I strolled out to the fountain. It was huge with winged lions, wild horses, giant fish and to top it off, a statue of Poseidon or Neptune, which ever name was used in this part of Italy, along with two dolphins. It was absolutely breathtaking with the lights and water spraying out from each creatures mouth.

Edward stood behind me wrapping his arms around my waist. I could feel the tingle of lightning inside me, traveling slowly as Edward leaned over and gently kissed my neck. I pressed my cheek into his as he whispered my name in between each little kiss sending the most delicious little sparks down my spine.

It had been well over twenty-four hours since we had made love and it seemed an eternity ago. I turned within his embrace and pressed my body fully against his.

"Will we have our own room tonight?" I asked as I ran my hands over his back wanting to pull his shirt from inside of his pants and feel his skin under my fingers. But instead, I felt a twinge of sadness coming from him as his golden eyes looked into mine.

"Not tonight." His voice was full of wanting, but still, I could tell it wasn't going to happen tonight.

Suddenly, I froze in his arms as a memory came over me, then closing my eyes, I gave in. It was happening again.

We were standing in the rain. I recognized the car, his Volvo and the trees that lined the road across from us seemed very familiar, like I should know them, as if I looked out on them everyday. I heard my own words echoing in my head.

"_Will you stay?"_ There wasn't an ounce of hope in those words. What had happened to fill me with such hopelessness? _Why does Edward look so utterly broken hearted? _

Then Edward's reply came, _"Not tonight."_ There was no life in his voice, it was flat. Dead.

Even though the scene faded into nothing, the words played over and over in my head. It was part of the emptiness and I was getting closer to why it was there inside me. But, why, why, _why_, did I have to remember this way.

Standing motionless, I waited. Nothing else came to me so I stored it away and relaxed into Edward's arms. I breathed in deeply smelling my loves wonderful scent and let it out in a sigh. Looking up at him, his face so concerned and… sad. He knew when the bad one's hit me.

"What did you remember?"

I laid my head against his chest, "I asked you to stay with me and you said 'not tonight'. That's all it was. It's so damn frustrating! It doesn't make any sense! I know it has something to do with why this emptiness exists inside me but it wasn't like I was frightened… it was like I had been…" I couldn't think of the right word so I just let out a sigh and squeezed him even tighter.

"Crushed." Edward finished for me. That one word spoken by him held more sorrow than I ever wanted to hear pass his lips.

At that moment, I didn't want to know what had happened to make me feel that way, to feel crushed. I didn't even want to know why Edward had that heartbreaking look on his face. Sometimes it was just too much. And none of it mattered now. None of it. I buried my face into Edward's chest.

"Edward, I don't want to live in the past. I hate how it just creeps up on me and hits me from behind. I'm so tired of feeling out of control! I want to live now! It's as if I'm being haunted by my own memories." Wrapping my hand around his neck, I pulled his lips to mine. I wanted to beg him, plead with him to take me away. Take me where we could be together, alone. "I just want to go to our room and have you all to myself for hours!" I didn't care how selfish I sounded.

He let out a laugh, "Bella, we're getting married tomorrow and I think we can abstain for just a more few hours!" He nuzzled his cheek into my hair. "Besides, you are going to be very busy this evening, as long as Alice has her way." His finger traced my cheek, "and you know how our family is – they love celebrations like this and you did agree…wedding dress and all the trimmings."

"You mean they're going to keep us apart?" I couldn't believe it! He hadn't left my side for more than a couple of hours at a time in the last year! I could feel the panic coming on. Just the thought of not being with him for maybe hours was too much. Just then, Esme stepped out of the lobby and just her happy presence helped to calm me a little.

"Everything is ready." The others stepped out behind her. The sheer excitement coming from Alice and Rosalie was beyond anything I had felt from them before and I knew right then, I was in for a long night of playing dress up. _What was I thinking when I agreed to this?_

Edward took my face in his hands, "I will miss you every second we're apart." He kissed me before I could speak. Then he let me go and walked away with his father and brothers. I wanted to run after him but Alice took my arm leading me in another direction.

"Lets go! We've got so much to get done before tomorrow!"

I couldn't speak. I couldn't fight. Edward was right, as usual, I had brought this on myself. I let them lead me to a private elevator and we went up. Way up. There was only a keycard slot and an emergency button so I had no idea how many floors up we were traveling. The elevator finally slowed then stopped and the doors silently slid open right into a beautiful room. It seemed to be bigger than our house. It was also decorated in the dark burgundy and tan with lots of comfortable chairs and couches. There were three bedrooms, each with its own huge bathroom. I didn't think any of us would even touch the beds. Just looking at them made me ache for Edward. Just a few hours? It had already been more than a day! It might as well be a week the way I felt right then.

Alice and Rosalie both pulled out their phones and started dialing. Alice gracefully threw herself onto one of the couches while Rosalie walked from room to room checking it all out before settling in a chair that faced one of the many mirrors in the large living room. They both spoke only Italian. I followed Esme out onto the balcony. She put an arm around my shoulder and we walked over to the edge looking out at the darkening sky, watching as stars began to twinkle into view over the clay tile roofs that surrounded us.

"I remember when Carlisle and I were married. Edward was the only one with us then." Her hair of liquid caramel stirred in the breeze that moved around us. "You and Edward were fated to be together, Bella." She smiled warmly, "I have always believed that each person has only one true love, the one person who was meant to complete them, who shares their very soul. Unfortunately, so few people ever find their one true love and maybe there are circumstances that keep them from ever meeting. Or maybe your one true love dies before the other is even conceived." She took my hand, "But there are those, like us Bella, who are fortunate enough to find their one true love." She looked into my eyes, I could feel how suddenly her feelings had shifted, so happy then so very sad. "Oh Bella, I was so afraid for him. He suffered so horrible without you. We all suffered."

Esme was talking about the time Edward had left me and moved away from Forks but I had no memory of the event except for what little Edward had told me, which was very little. It wasn't something he liked to talk about and Esme knew, just as the others did, that discussing the past with me was unadvisable. However, I didn't stop her… I wanted to hear it. So what if it brought on a bad memory! Better now than on my wedding night, which didn't really guarantee that I wouldn't have one then either.

As soon as she brought up the subject, I knew it was going to happen again, I could feel a memory trying to creep into me – to come forward and make itself known. I reached for it – it had to be something good because the bad memories always slammed me where the good ones just tiptoed around the edges until I pulled them in. I wanted Esme to keep talking, her words would help me, and so I squeezed her hand.

"When he had made the decision to leave you behind, to let you live a normal human life, there was no way we could convince him otherwise." She walked me over to the lounge chairs and we both sat. Esme leaned her head back on the cushion and closed her eyes.

I was concentrating so hard on trapping that memory I had stopped breathing. My hand was still in hers and I needed her to go on. I squeezed her fingers gently and she looked over at me. I nodded – it was all I could do.

"He had forbidden us to see you, to even think of you, but it was so difficult. Even your names had become one to us by then. It was as if you had died…as if he had killed you. And, dear Alice couldn't help but see the many, many times he changed his mind. She knew he wouldn't survive his self-imposed exile for very long. We knew that just being with us reminded him of you. So he stayed away from us with that ridiculous excuse of trying to teach himself to track." She let out a laugh, "It just wasn't in him. He's just not… vicious enough. He really is very much like his father, like you, so kind and compassionate. He may be an extremely good liar, but not good enough to change his own nature."

_Liar. _

That one word triggered the memory fully. He had lied to me. Sometime in the past, he had told me a lie and I couldn't grasp why that could be a good memory. Esme felt the tension in my hand and sat up looking at me.

"Bella, are you alright? What's the matter?"

I tried to speak, to let her know I was okay, but the only thing to come out was 'ssst'. I was smiling so she relaxed a little. I let Edward's words flow over me.

"_When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy." _

It seemed odd that his admitting a lie to me would be such a wonderful thing to remember, but it was. I remembered all the words that followed in my small bed that early morning. He really truly loved me and would always love me. Yes, that was a very good memory and I embraced it completely, would have cried if I could. It made its way through every cell of my body, adding to my power as all the memories before had.

I sat back totally relaxed and breathed in the air of the city. Esme sat looking at me. She knew I had these episodes, but she had only seen the one on the plane and that was a bad one.

"What happens to you when you remember something?" She didn't feel she should pry, but I could tell she was very curious.

I explained everything I could, how a place, a sentence, a word, even a touch or a look brought them on. How when Edward or anyone else would tell me about things that had taken place before, when I was still human, if I had no recollection of it, it was as if it never really happened. It became a memory only because they had told me of it.

I told her how the painful ones pulled me closer to the abyss, the emptiness I buried inside and how they all added up to who I am. Each memory, good and bad, brought me closer to becoming whole again and added to my power.

"Someday I'm sure I'll be able to piece them together and make some sense of it all."

"So Aro was right, your power will only grow." She whispered.

I shrugged, "I suppose, but God only knows what I'll do with it. Now that's a scary thought!" I let out an extremely nervous laugh.

Alice stepped onto the balcony, "Are you ready?"

I heard a knock at the door and both Esme and I rose from the lounge chairs and walked into the living room. Rosalie had already opened the door to a woman carrying a five-inch leather binder in her arm. Of course, she was speechless at the sight of Rosalie and when Alice spoke, she broke out of that spell only to be plunged into the next, which was the sight of the three of us.

Esme took her arm lightly and led her to a couch, took the binder from her and motioned me to sit at another couch with Rosalie on one side of me and Alice on the other. Esme circled around to the back of the couch and affectionately wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I knew what they were doing…they were protecting all of us from what they still felt was my unpredictable nature.

I kissed Esme's cheek, "I'm fine." I whispered low and rapidly.

Alice opened the binder and every page had the most beautiful wedding bouquets. Alice turned the pages rather quickly, but I could still see the detail of each arrangement. Then the perfect bouquet caught me eye and I swiftly pointed to it. It was so close to what I had pictured in my mind. White freesias, roses and a cascade of Madagascar Jasmine with the tiny individual trumpets from pale blue hyacinths each with a tiny faceted crystal tucked inside. It had ivy and other assorted green leaves in the background and was all tied together with a long ribbon the same pale blue as the hyacinths.

Alice took the binder back to the woman and showed her the one I had chosen. Then she motioned to her hair and I could see and hear all she was asking the woman to make. They spoke only Italian so I was lost about anything else Alice had been ordering. She motioned to the door and as she opened it a man who was carrying a leather case had just arrived. He too was so dazzled by the sight of us that he was speechless. The woman walked past him and Alice pulled him through the doorway and into the room.

Again, Alice spoke to him in Italian and took the leather case bringing it to the couch where I sat. She placed it on the coffee table and undid the latches. Inside were rows and rows of diamond, ruby and emerald rings – all men's.

My eyes scanned the rings quickly and fell on exactly the right one. Esme spoke this time and the man removed a small box from his pocket and placed the ring in the center then handed it to Esme who in turn, handed it to me. I stared at my rings match. It was absolutely perfect. Alice returned the man's case to him and led him to the door speaking to him the whole time.

After he left I sat back against the couch, "Please don't ever tell me how much all the ends up costing." I said shaking my head, "I could never go through with it if I knew."

"It's a promise." Alice said as she glided down on another couch and pulled out her phone, "The only thing left is what you'll be wearing!" She quickly dialed a number and began to speak.


	18. Chapter 18 Call of the Wolf

Chapter Eighteen

Call of the Wolf

"Yes, now would be a great time…we have about two hours before the other things arrive." Finally. Alice was speaking English. To whom, I had no idea. She had flashed a mischievous smile at me, not letting me in on any of her plans. I deserved it after all, I had agreed… wedding dress and all the trimmings. _What was I thinking?_ She closed her little phone with a snap. "Bella, you might want to get your shoes on, you're going out." I jumped from the couch and quickly pulled on my shoes. If my heart had still been beating, it would have been pounding in my chest. Just the slight chance that I would see Edward standing in the elevator had me all fluttery.

Within minutes the door slid open and I flew across the room. Carlisle and Jasper were the only ones standing there. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep the look of disappointment from my face.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked me, a gentle smile on his face. I knew he had already read the look I failed to hide fast enough.

"Are we going to see Edward?" I asked hoping against all hope he would say yes.

"No…I'm sorry, dear." His fatherly smile never left his face, "We're here to take you hunting."

I was thirsty but not overly so. I probably could have gone for one more day, but I knew they were playing it safe with me. Carlisle's hand reached out for me, gently stroking my arm as he walked past me into the room and straight into Esme's waiting arms. Jasper had slipped passed me already to join Alice.

"Well, I think I'll go hunt with Emmett and Edward." Rosalie was through the door and pressing the down button in a second. I wanted so much to run after her, but I knew the plan was to keep us apart until the wedding. So far, it was working pretty well.

I stood in front of the elevator door… alone. Wishing I had Edward's arms around me. Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice each whispered their loving good-byes while waiting for the elevator to return. A tiny smile curved my mouth as I watched them.

_What a wonderful family I have._

Then Carlisle and Jasper escorted me into the elevator and out through the revolving lobby door.

We seemed to be driving into the darkness forever. Carlisle was not into speed as much as Edward, and now that we were going only 90 I wished we could go faster. Soon the cities and towns were long behind us and I could see black forests against the deep blue night sky. A sign flashed by in the darkness…Parco Nazionale delle foreste Casentinesi.

"Where are we?" I asked from the back seat.

"Casentino National Park." Carlisle answered. "It's a huge sprawling forest full of wild game. We shouldn't have any trouble finding something to hunt here. I never have in the past."

We drove on for another ten minutes and a few miles ahead I could see deer crossing the deserted road. Quite a few deer in fact, more than we would need. Carlisle saw them also and pulled the car to the side of the road close to a stand of trees. As I opened the door the wonderful smells of the forest floated to me on the swift breeze, reminding me so much of our home in Alaska. Suddenly, I was homesick not only for Alaska, but I missed Edward so terribly. Looked up into the dark sky, I studied the unfamiliar stars and then something flicker at the edge of my mind.

_No! Stop! _I didn't have time for any stray memory to come barging its way into me right now. I needed to hunt. Carlisle looked over at me and nodded.

We crept into the trees then took off at a run following Carlisle's lead. It seemed strange, I had never hunt with Carlisle before. With Jasper along, yes, but Edward had always been with me. We went through the trees without a sound and silently came upon the deer. Watching them from our hiding place among the trees, I caught their scent among the other smells that surrounded me. Standing completely still, not even breathing, I heard a very quiet noise off to my right. All the deer raised their heads in alert within seconds of the noise, their reactions not being as swift as mine. They stood for only seconds before they bounded off away from us at a run.

Carlisle and Jasper were a blur as they quickly went after them. I started forward, following them and as I ran I glanced over my shoulder to see what had spooked the deer into running. Looking to the direction where the noise came from, I saw them… wolves. Quite a large pack of them. Though they were so much slower than we are, I could see they were already up to their full speed as they ran to chase down the deer. When they saw Carlisle and Jasper, they hesitated but didn't stop their hunt… until they saw me. I slowed my pace just enough to catch the leader's eye.

Carlisle and Jasper had each caught a deer and their feeding brought the wolves to a halt. Just then, the scent of the wolves came to me on the breeze mixed with the smell of the pines surrounding us. Their rich sweet odor was undeniable and quickly overwhelmed the scent of the deer. Even when I could clearly smell fresh hot blood, the blood of the wolves was so much stronger.

They paced and circled releasing confused whines as if they were speaking to each other. I slowed my pace to not much more than a fast walk. The interest in deer was completely wiped from my mind as each new breeze brought the packs delicious smell to my nose.

Turning, I veered from the path the deer had taken and began to stalk toward the wolves. I had vaguely caught this scent at home but there were so few wolves around where we lived that I had never gone after one. It was as if they knew we were there and avoided us.

The alpha male of this pack stood his ground, directing deep menacing growls at me. Baring his teeth as his muzzle pulled back with each snarl. He was quite large and black as coal with eyes to match, his thick dark fur bristling all along his back. His mate stood behind him and to the side also snarling. She was the typical colors of gray, tan and brown. The rest of the pack took small steps backwards but did not turn and run. Their scent was so wonderfully luscious. I breathed it in deep letting it coat my tongue, stopping my advance as my mouth overflowed with venom. I had never felt this kind of thirst come over me while chasing deer. I was starving. Thirstier than I had ever been before. It felt so… invigorating. As if I could drink and drink and never be satisfied. And I wanted to drink, to feed on the wolf that stood there so foolishly challenging me.

A hungry purr escaped my lips as I crouched low and sprang at the leader with one step. He lunged at me and for a split second as he flew through the air I could have sworn he had grown into a huge monster. His mouth seemed much larger than it could possibly be. I hesitated not able to wipe the indescribable fear from my mind. The wolf slammed into my arms biting furiously at my stone neck. I could feel his teeth breaking off as he bit at me. The fear disappeared replaced only by undeniable thirst.

Grabbing him behind the neck, he let out a high-pitched yelp as I fell to the ground with him. His mate was on me in a second. I grabbed her with my free hand pinning her down tightly between my legs. She clawed and bit trying to get away, but I held her with just enough force to keep from killing her. She would be no good to me dead.

The other wolves were upon me then and I batted them away as if they were so many flies, hearing satisfying cracks as my hand came in contact with their brittle bones. They ran into the night, yelping in pain, leaving me to enjoy my prey. Pulling the male's head up, I stroked the course fur on his throat. He never stopped struggling as my hand clamped down around his muzzle. Blood was trickling from his mouth and oh, the sweet delicious smell of it!

My fingertips could feel his heart beating like crazy, pushing fear through him. The smell of his fear was so wonderful it made my throat burn even hotter. I let my nose search for the hot pulsing vein in his neck and once I found it, I tore into it with my razor sharp teeth. It was hot and thick and unbelievably sweet and I quickly drained him of his life. Drinking him in with every hard pull of my mouth.

The female was still frantically fighting when I pulled her up from between my legs, flipping her over to the other side. I knew I should let her go, but I… just… couldn't. I wanted more… I needed more. I didn't even try to fight it.

When my teeth sliced into her neck, I drained her just as I did her mate. Then I lay back looking up through the trees at the stars in the black night sky. Stretching my arms above my head, I could feel their thick sugary blood mingle together and fill in every little cell of my body. The heat of it made me feel as if I were feverish, so unbelievably warm inside. The feeling was like nothing I had ever felt before and I wanted more.

In one swift motion I jumped to my feet and started running in the direction the wolves had gone when I heard Jasper and Carlisle call out my name. I ignored them and then I was hitting the ground, hard.

Jasper was trying to stop me. I instantly felt the calm he was projecting, but my thirst for more quickly overwhelmed him.

"Bella! Stop! That's enough!" He was trying to wrestle me into submission, but my emotions were causing him to rapidly lose his own control. Once I felt his hesitation, I easily flipped him on his chest and pinned both his arms between his shoulder blades like pretzel, securing his body with my knees squeezing either side of his waist.

"Ah Jasper, play nice." I hissed, "Just one more!" I urgently whispered in his ear then I was off and running again.

Suddenly, I was knocked off my course and driven face first into the nearest huge tree trunk, a granite boulder smashing into my back and pinning me there. The crash was thunderous in the quiet forest shaking birds from their perches and causing animals of every size to run seeking shelter from the unknown.

Roaring, I demanded to be set free when I heard Carlisle's voice soft in my ear.

"Bella, you are caught in a blood lust. You must not give in to it. You can control it, Bella."

I didn't want to control it! _Oh, Please!_ Then, I desperately wanted to. _No, I want more!_ I was being torn in two. _What is wrong with me?_

"Please Carlisle! Please!" I begged as I continued to struggle without any success. My plea was for him to let me go as much as I wanted his help to stop myself.

"Bella, honey." His voice was so very calming. I didn't have a chance against him. I gave in and allowed myself to relax somewhat. He released his grip only a fraction on me and turned me into his arms as if we were dancing. He stroked my hair gently always keeping a tight hold on me. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry you had to experience that. This is why we are so careful with you, why we have to be so very cautious. If that were to happen to you around humans, the way you are right now, well, I can see we would have a very hard time controlling you."

I hated feeling so out of control and I knew if Carlisle let me go right now, I'd take off after the wolves again. I would run every one of them down taking every drop of their precious blood for myself. It was if I were at war within myself. One side waiting desperately for him to relax his grip so I could fly and fill myself over and over with that intoxicating sweetness and the other part of me feeling totally ashamed and praying Carlisle would yell and scream at the top of his lungs then throw me in the car and take me away.

"I wish Edward was here." I sobbed into his chest. I heard Jasper silently coming towards me.

"No Jasper, she has to do this on her own." Carlisle relaxed his hold on me slightly, but I didn't try to run. "Bella, honey, this is the urge we all fight every moment of everyday. I know you have made the choice to live as we do and to never taste the blood of humans. This is where it starts. You are the one who has to manage the thirst." He squeezed me tighter for a second before relaxing his grip on me. "Bella, look at me." I looked up feeling shame written all over my face. "There will come a time when neither Edward nor Jasper or any of the rest of us will be able to be with you every second and you must have faith in yourself to be able to walk free in the world without fear that you'll hurt someone."

I stood still and closed my eyes searching for the control I needed to stop the feverish lust inside of me and within seconds, it was gone. It was much easier to control than anything else I had done so far; I just hadn't tried to before because I didn't know what was happening. Now I knew and I wouldn't ever forget it. Carlisle kissed my forehead and released me from his arms.

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry."

He took my face in his hands, "Bella, there is nothing to apologize for. It's part of what you are."

"That's no excuse for what I did and I promise you it will never happen again." He had no idea of the control I had, the power, the secret I held inside and never let out.

"Bella, that's an extremely hard promise to keep but… I will forgive you no matter how many times you break it." His beautiful smile was a little sad. "No matter what happens, I will always love you as if you were my own daughter." He took my hand and we started out of the forest.

Jasper was walking next to me. "Bella, I was wondering…well I would appreciate it if you didn't tell Emmett how you pinned me. It's kind of embarrassing." He was laughing as he walked.

"He won't hear it from me, but I'm afraid when Edward hears it in your thoughts, he'll remind you of it every chance he gets."

"Damn! I can't believe it! Pinned by a girl!" Jasper was shaking his head. Carlisle was laughing also.

"Don't feel bad, at least you're in good company," I smiled and gave him a little shove in the arm, "Edward has never pinned me either."


	19. Chapter 19 Becoming Whole

Chapter Nineteen

Becoming Whole

"Bella, may I have your ring?" Carlisle held his hand out to me. Reluctantly, I slipped the ring from my finger and placed it in his palm. It disappeared into his pocket. My hand felt strange without it. Naked.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a quick squeeze.

As the elevator door slid open Carlisle and Jasper saw what awaited me. Carlisle gave me a little nod as I stepped out then Jasper quickly pressed a button and the door closed leaving me standing there, not knowing what to do first.

Five clothing racks had been brought up during the time I was out hunting. Two were covered with dresses, all in varying shades of deep hyacinth blue, one rack with only white wedding gowns, a rack of veils and the last rack had three tiers of what looked to be corsets, bras, panties and all sorts of lacy silky bits of ribbon and what not. One of the couches was stacked with boxes and boxes of shoes.

I could hear the quiet voices of five human women out on the balcony. Quickly, I turned to one of the mirrors and searched for any signs of blood that may have splattered on me. I was clean, as usual. But, stepped into one of the huge bathrooms to wash my face and hands. When I returned I could smell the women, their scent filled the room, nothing really unusual except one, cinnamon like…carnations, but having satisfied my thirst so thoroughly, I had no desire to get any closer to them.

Alice and Esme had also been on the balcony and now came inside. Esme came to me and hugged me tight. Carlisle had called to announce our return and told Esme what had happened with the wolves. Of course she already knew having Alice right there seeing the whole thing in her head.

Though I couldn't mistake their feelings of concern for me, they said nothing about it, which I was grateful for. Alice took my hand and led me to the wedding dresses.

"They're all in your size so you just need to pick out what you like and try them on." Alice was bubbling over in excitement. "Edward wants lots of buttons in the back so anything without buttons is automatically out." We slowly looked through each one, trying carefully to rule out at least a few. Every single dress was gorgeous.

Rosalie came in from one of the bedrooms, wrapped in a towel, her long blonde hair wet from a shower or bath. She looked over at me with a smile that touched even her eyes. The feelings she was giving off were happy, peaceful, contented. The same feelings she always had after her and Emmett…

I lifted my nose and could smell him, Emmett. His scent hung vaguely in the air coming from the bedroom. It wasn't strong enough to prove that he'd been here, but Rosalie had been with him. Even though I ached to be with Edward, I was happy Rosalie had the chance to spend a little time with Emmett.

Rosalie watched as Alice and I stood in front of the rack filled with wedding dresses, probably knowing it would be a while before I made any kind of decision. She looked over at me, smiling and shaking her head, then grabbed a few of the blue dresses from the rack and headed back to the bedroom to try them on.

No matter how long I stared at the yards and yards of white satin and silk, it seemed hopeless. How was I ever going to pick a dress when every one of them was so beautiful? Alice knew what I liked. Though I'd been making regular trips out among humans during the last six months, Alice had been buying all my clothes for the past three years. Why didn't she just pick one out for me? It was probably something to do with letting me have some small amount of control over my wedding.

_Holy crow. I'll be here all night._

Just then Rosalie stepped out of the room and even with her wet hair, she was nothing short of knock out gorgeous.

"This is the one!"

My insides dropped. Of course, it was perfect for her but… there was so little of it!

Esme spoke first, "Rose, it's very pretty, dear, but this is Bella's wedding …"

"Rosalie! Could you please pick one that covers a little more, you know … everything!" No matter how gorgeous my wedding dress may be, I could never compare to Rosalie. "If you wear that dress, Edward won't even see me!" _Damn!_ I was whining, but she was so beautiful already. Why did she insist on showing me up entirely at my own wedding?

"Bella, Edward is so crazy in love with you, I could parade naked in front of him and he still wouldn't see me." Rosalie replied matter-of-factly as she admired herself in the mirror.

"Rosalie!" Esme snapped.

"Okay!" She headed toward her room and turned back, "May I change into it after the ceremony?"

Esme huffed at her, but gave in anyway, "Fine."

"It certainly wouldn't do for the priest to drop dead from the sight of that_ before_ the wedding." Alice laughed.

I shook my head, trying to get back in the mood. We stood looking at the rack of dresses for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Alice couldn't take it anymore.

"You'll just have to start trying some of them on." She pulled a couple of dresses off the rack and started to scoot me to the bedroom. As I turned, the scent hit me, warm and rich, the smell of carnations. One of the women had come into the room and was standing within three feet of us. It was her. The one who smelled like cinnamon. I hadn't even heard her come in.

She had coal black hair and a beautiful olive complexion. Her eyes were so dark brown they were almost black. She was very young looking even though I could tell she had to be at least thirty-eight or thirty-nine.

"May I make a suggestion?" Her voice was very elegant with a strong Italian accent and I felt she was completely at ease with us. She stepped past me and pulled a dress from the rack. One I had totally overlooked. "I believe this may be to your liking and if you wish to wear any of these garments underneath, they will not show through this fabric." She had no fear whatsoever. Her smile was genuine, making her eyes twinkle. I looked at Alice and Esme and they also seemed at completely ease.

"Come, I will help you into the dress." I followed her into one of the bedrooms. I had fully expected at least one of my family members to follow, but when I looked behind me, they were still standing where I left them.

Alice whispered, "You'll be fine." I heard it as if she were standing next to me and prayed she was right.

I slipped out of my clothing and the woman helped me with the dress. The fabric was definitely silk, by the smell of it, but it was the heaviest silk I'd ever seen. It lay against my skin so softly. The small straps sat right off my shoulders with cascading tiers of pale blue crystals wrapping around the neckline. She stood behind me fastening each small crystal button that flowed down my back. The front of the dress was cut to just barely expose my small amount of cleavage and give the illusion that I had a much longer waist. It also made my neck seem to go on forever, which was something I knew Edward would truly appreciate. I ran my fingers over the crystals that decorated the bodice and admired how they caught the light, twinkling and flashing.

"The lighting in here really doesn't do justice to the crystals… or to your skin." It might have been an innocent comment, but … there was something about this woman. She had no fear of touching me and her heart rate and breathing never changed. All I could think was that she must have become used to my kind from being so near them each day.

She turned me to face the mirror and yes, this dress was exactly what I wanted. I smiled thinking about the look on Edward's face when he saw me.

"How old is your young man?" _Another innocent question?_ I noticed that she didn't wear a wedding ring as I looked at her reflection in the mirror.

"How old is yours?" The second the words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back. _How rude could I possibly be?_

She smiled, "He was twenty-three when we met twenty years ago and he is still twenty-three today." I made no expression even though I knew she was telling the truth.

"Edward is seventeen." I could hardly believe I was telling her.

Her reflection smiled, "How long has he been seventeen?"

Suddenly, I stopped breathing.

"I really can't say." What was I thinking? I was not allowed to have this conversation with a human.

"Please forgive me. I should never have asked. I know the rules. I'm so sorry, I should never have put you in that position." She stepped over to the door and motioned to me. I was so stunned by what had happened, I just stood there.

Alice and Rosalie came in and rushed over to me. Rosalie had changed into something a _little_ more conservative, but still very striking.

"Oh Bella! It's perfect! You look absolutely gorgeous! " A compliment like that from Rosalie and I knew I must look wonderful! I could feel she wasn't just saying it, she really meant every word.

Alice was walking around looking at me from every angle. "I can't believe we didn't see this one, it's so beautifully plain! And look at your neck! Oh! Edward will be very pleased." She stopped circling me, clasping her hands in front of her face.

Esme stood in the doorway, smiling and looking as if she could cry. The waves of happiness that floated off of her were contagious.

"Bella. Oh, my beautiful daughter." She came to me, her arms outstretched and took me in a hug. As she held me, a flashing picture of my human mother came to me. _Renée._ I let Esme's love flow over me, mix with the love I knew Renée had felt for me and tried not to be sad that she wasn't here to see me marry the man of my dreams.

Esme stepped back, smiling as the dark-haired woman stepped up and placed a veil on my head. It was also very plain but beautifully made of an iridescent gossamer fabric with tiny clear blue crystals along the edge. Perfect!

She then motioned to the other ladies waiting on the balcony. They filed in and began rolling the racks from the room into the elevator. It seemed that Alice and Esme had already picked out their dresses and shoes and Alice had chosen a pair of shoes for me also, which went perfectly with my dress, little strappy things that made my short legs look long and sexy.

"I picked a few things for you to wear underneath your dress." Alice held up a corset, panties, garter belt and silk stockings. "Well, they're really for Edward, but do you like them?"

Alice had bought frilly stuff for me before, but they never lasted very long with Edward always having too much fun ripping them off, but what the heck, it was my wedding.

"Yes, Alice, I like them very much." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of Edward's face when he saw them.

Only the dark-haired woman was left in the room waiting to roll the last rack out.

"Great!" Alice turned to the woman, "We'll take these." She said. "Wait! Bella, would you like to have a few more? Only say yes if you really mean it!"

"Yes! And I really mean it!" I had to laugh.

Alice stood motionless for a moment, her eyes closed. Then, a sinful smile came over her face. She opened her eyes and looked at the woman. "We'll take them all." Then Alice looked at me, "You're gonna need them."

What did she just see that would make her think that? Then a thought came to me…

_Alice!_

Of course, she could see Edward and I on our wedding night, but geez! I was planning all kinds of wonderful things once I had Edward alone and was sure Edward was doing the same for me. Only now, I wished she couldn't see all that. I was so very lucky my blushing days were over.

"Certainly, I'll have them wrapped up for you and sent to your room." She started to push the rack towards the door when one of the other ladies came back in through the elevator, took the rack from her, pulling it into the open elevator and waited. The woman smiled and thanked us again. Then, she stopped and turned back to me.

"May I ask you a question?" She barely whispered but I heard each word clearly.

I wasn't sure but said 'yes' anyway.

"Was it very painful?" Still just a whisper. I felt fear in her, but not of us, of the pain she asked about. It was obvious that her young man, her vampire, for some reason, had not changed her twenty years ago, but had stayed with her all this time.

"More than you can imagine." I had to tell her the truth.

"Was it worth it?"

My heart broke for her. I walked over to her and placed my hand on her face and leaned in breathing in her warm cinnamon scent, "Yes, it was all worth it." I whispered. I could feel Esme, Alice and Rosalie on alert behind me, ready to pull me from this woman if I attacked. They still didn't have a clue as to the extent of my control. I smiled and released the woman's face, watching as she stepped through the elevator door completely unfazed. Her dark eyes lifted up to mine as the door slid closed.

I turned and looked out the huge wall of windows to see the sun just peeking up in the horizon. Dawn. Alice and Rosalie immediately began discussing how they were planning to fix my hair and make-up. I was too happy to complain about anything at that moment. I would be with Edward again very soon and the thought of being with him filled me with so much joy, I danced around the room just giggling.

The driver pulled the long black limo up to the curb and stepped out to open the door. Carlisle was there to greet us. As the other's exited the car, I could hear him compliment Alice and Rosalie on how beautiful they looked. From where I sat, I could see only his hand as he reached in to help Esme from the car. His response to her beauty was meant only for her ears so I stayed well back inside. I used the few minutes to gather myself. Control my feelings. It was hard to believe, but I was a nervous wreck.

I knew there was no possible way I could be thirsty, but my stomach kept clenching in the oddest way. I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. Carlisle's hand appeared in the door. Placing my hand in his, I let his strength pull me from the car.

He stood smiling, looking me up and down. He looked more handsome than I had ever seen him standing there in a black tux, his golden hair shining as if by an internal light.

"Oh, Bella, you are perfectly lovely. Edward will be speechless." He held his arm out to me, "Are you ready?"

All I was able to do was nod my head. Taking his arm, he led me to a long vine covered walk. I kept my eyes focused on the ground and concentrated on how my legs and feet were supposed to be working. They felt as if they were made of sand and with each movement, I was only shifting the sand, trying to hold it together so it didn't lose it's shape and rain down on the path turning into so many dunes.

The scent of roses was heavy in the air. Slowly, I lifted my eyes and let them travel up the short clay tiled walkway. On each side and overhead, crimson red roses bloomed. Small tiled benches lined each side of the walk. It was a tunnel filled with the color of blood. Shuddering at the thought, my feet stopped moving.

"Bella?" There was concern in Carlisle's voice. "Are you all right? Would you rather Jasper walk with you, at least until you reach Edward?"

"I'm so sorry Carlisle. I'm just…I'm just so nervous. I haven't felt this way in so long, I'm having a horrible time trying to control it." I could barely whisper. "Yes, please, if you wouldn't mind, I think I do need Jasper's help."

"Of course I don't mind. Sit here and I'll send Jasper." Sitting on a bench, feeling light headed, I watched as he disappeared down the tunnel in a flash. Closing my eyes I swore if I were human, I would have fainted by that time. I shook my head and let out a little giggle as I felt a slight breeze move the gossamer fabric of my veil. It carried with it a scent I knew well. I raised my head and opened my eyes.

There he stood like a dream.

A dream carved in marble and dressed in a black tux. His white shirt had a high collar that buttoned snuggly around his neck. His hair was the same wild curls I had always loved and his eyes were molten gold as he looked at me. Was this the man I had spent almost every second with in the last three years? Was this the face, the body I had memorized with my eyes, my hands and my lips?

He was a dark angel, glorious beyond belief. As I sat staring into his deep golden eyes, I couldn't read the look on his face. So many emotions emanated from him, loneliness, concern, longing, desire, love. I felt as if I were to blink he would disappear … as if he never existed.

Suddenly, I heard his voice in my head …

_I don't want you to go with me … I'm tired of pretending … I am not human … you can go on with your life … it will be as if I'd never existed._

"Bella?"

His voice was soft music. I closed my eyes and let it flow into me. But it wasn't enough to stop the onslaught of memories that crashed into me.

I tried to draw in a breath, but I couldn't. I tried to stand. Reach out for him. I wanted to run. Run after him.

Then, I was falling.

Darkness was all I knew.

When I opened my eyes it was night all around me. I was in a forest, lying cold and wet on the ground. Was I dieing?

_Time heals all wounds for your kind._

Clutching at my chest, I try desperately to hold in the horrendous pain that threatened to claw its way out of me. I heard voices calling my name, but I didn't dare open my mouth to answer. If I did, the shrieking would start and I knew I would never have the strength to stop it. The voices came closer.

_Edward, where are you? Edward don't leave me!_

This was the pain that dragged at me. This was the abyss that sucked at my happiness. The pain was worse even than venom burning through my veins, erasing the traces of all that was human in me. At least the fire of vampire venom was real, this was only emptiness, nothing to grasp on to, just a sinking, crushing blackness. I was utterly lost to it.

Then … nothing.

I was hollow.

Nothing, but an all-consuming willingness to lie there and turn to dust.

_Bella!_ The voice was closer still. _Bella, I know you can hear me._

I knew that voice and I no longer wished for death to take me. I would withstand all of Hell to be with him again, just to hear his voice in my head one more time. My consciousness knew this was not where I was supposed to be.

I was in the emptiness. The dark black void where my past, my human past remained to creep up and haunt me. The place I had tried to bury away, never to remember.

_Why couldn't I control it?_

"Help me, please!" I tried to yell out, but wasn't sure if my mouth even moved. "Please Edward, I'm lost! I'm so lost!"

"Bella, I'm here! Let it go." His voice whispered like a song on the breeze. "Bella, please release it, let it go."

I felt strong fingers on my wrists, prying them apart. I didn't fight it, I let my arms fly open. Lips, soft as velvet, brushed mine. Sweet breath in my face, whispering frantically.

"Bella, I'm right here! Come back to me."

I fought to control the void, to seal it. One by one, horrible memories flashed before me as they tried to escape. _No! No! No!_ A hateful promise made so long ago slammed into me. _No! Please no!_

"No Jacob! No!" I sobbed not knowing or caring if anyone could hear my pleas.

I felt fury hit me. A ferocity that came from somewhere outside of my body.

"Bella! Control this now!" Edward's voice was a command I could not ignore.

Pulling in all the memories that threatened to escape, I felt the ragged hole inside of me slowly begin to heal itself, then rapidly close. All the torn edges came together and knitted themselves in place forming a scar that I knew would be with me always.

But, now, I controlled it, instead of it controlling me.

A feeling of calm spread over me, wiping away the emptiness within me.

Healed, I was finally free, finally whole.

Breathing in deeply, I could smell roses and freesias, all the flowers the adorned my wedding bouquet and … Edward. The smell of him soaked into every cell of my body until he had filled me entirely. He belonged to me and I belonged to him. Smiling. Yes, I was smiling at just the thought of being totally possessed by him, body and soul.

Opening my eyes, I found his sparkling face inches from mine. He had caught me before I had hit the ground and sat with me in his arms on the bench. Jasper was kneeling next to me, holding my hand. He stood and released it, silently walking away. I reached up, stroked Edward's velvety skin with my fingertips.

"I found it, Edward. I found the emptiness." I whispered.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing, Bella?" He asked cautiously.

"Oh, very good." I couldn't help but grin like a mad woman at his gorgeous face. He leaned over as if to kiss me, but I flew from his arms and stood in the center of the walkway.

"Oh, my gosh, Edward! How long have I been out of it?" Giggling like crazy now as he sat staring at me. Still, feelings of concern were the strongest from him.

"A couple of minutes. Why?" His mouth hardly moved.

"We're supposed to be getting married, that's why!" I was bent over with laughter. "Oh, I feel like an idiot, I'm so sorry Edward!" Giddiness bubbled up out of me. Spinning in circles, I danced around showing myself to him. He never moved, just stared, but I felt his emotions changing as I danced. Happiness overflowed in him and I bathed in it.

"And, now that you've seen me, aren't you going to walk me down the aisle?"

He stood up slowly and I could see Carlisle was right, Edward was speechless. I spun around seductively just one more time as I picked my bouquet up from the bench. He looked as if he could have eaten me up right there. I reached out my hand to him and his came up to meet mine in slow motion.

"You are the most absurdly stunning creature I have ever seen." His voice was barely a whisper.

"I know." And with the dark void healed and locked away, I felt beautiful. I leaned a little closer to him, "Just wait until you get this dress off of me." I whispered. A sinfully wicked grin spread across his face. The desire and passion he felt was so intense, I could feel his energy building within him. If he would've asked me to turn and run away with him, I would have in a second.

"Are you ready?" I motioned toward the end of the rose filled tunnel. I took his arm and we began to walk. "Isn't there some kind of curse that goes along with seeing your bride early?" I teased.

"Yes, I believe you have to spend eternity with me or some such nonsense." He hadn't taken his eyes from me yet.

"Oh, is that all? Just one of those forever and eternity type curses. Well, that's easy enough." I was trying really hard not to break into the giggles again, "I don't know about you, but it's the curses that keep us apart that pretty much destroy me."

Under a gazebo covered with white climbing roses, a very young looking priest waited for us to walk up the aisle. I saw my family standing at each side, my happiness reflected in their faces.

The priest spoke only in Italian, but I had a good idea what he was saying and surprised Edward when I said, "Yes, I do," at just the right moment. Edward and I exchanged the same vows, the same promises that we had given each other three years ago and every word was just as true. He placed my ring, surrounded by the ruby and emerald bands, on my finger and was pleasantly surprised when I offered him its match. The feel of his lips, the taste of him was as if I had been without him not just hours, but for months. I was absolutely dazzled by him all over again.

As we kissed, I heard the hum and click of a camera as someone took one picture after another. I didn't mind though, we were only getting married once and it would be forever.

Carlisle and Esme rode with us in the first limo; the rest of the family had gone in the second. The reason they rode with us was plain, there was more to come before we could go to our room and if they left us in the car alone, we would probably kick out the driver and disappear into the night.

We arrived at the hotel and Carlisle led the way to the Grand Ballroom. The room was decorated as the rest of the hotel, in rich burgundy and tan colors and the fragrance of freesia, jasmine and gardenias was everywhere. There were tables and chairs set up around the edges of the dance floor with another crystal chandelier hanging in the center of the room, but it had been turned down to just barely give off a pale golden light.

Thousands of tan and burgundy candles lit the room with their warm glow. In the center of each table was a small crystal vase filled with the same flowers in my bridal bouquet. There was an area hidden behind a wall where I saw Jasper and Alice come from. Jasper had a small remote control in his hand and he smiled and nodded at Edward.

Edward took me out onto the dance floor. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me lightly. And no matter how lightly the kiss, my body responded immediately by sending small waves of lightening through me.

"Shall we dance, my lady?" He stepped back from me and bowed.

I curtsied and held out my hand which he took as he wrapped his other arm around my waist. Music filled the room. His music. I was never happier that I had asked him to teach me to dance so long ago. We twirled and spun and dipped all around the floor. All the while, Edward whispered little secrets in my ear. Timing each with the mood of the melody that played through the speakers. I felt as if his music were within me, within my very soul, because I must still have one to feel so heavenly.

At some point I noticed that Rosalie had gone up and changed into the dress that covered less than thirty percent of her perfect body. Emmett loved it and I was sure that Edward would make some remark about it, but he seemed not to notice since he never took his eyes from me. After an hour or so, Emmett and Rosalie left then, Alice and Jasper slipped out a few minutes after.

Edward and I danced for hours until the first rays of the sun began to lighten the sky. Dawn. Most of the candles had burned down to stubs and some had flicker out. The music had been mixed as to play the most sensuous melodies at the end and our dancing became slower and more passionate. Lightning had raced up and down my entire body in anticipation ever since he had walked me down the aisle and I could visibly see myself trembling. Even my voice trembled. I could feel it in Edward as well.

As the music slowed, the melody became deep and sensuous. Carlisle and Esme slipped behind the partition leaving Edward and I alone for the first time all night. Edward pulled me tighter, crushing every inch of my body to his as his oh so sexy trembling whispers floated into my ear, setting off fireworks in my veins. His hand slid down and around my bottom, pressing me into him in all the right places as his lips moved over my neck, kissing me in between passionate murmurs full of wanting.

And, I wanted him too … in every way possible.

As we headed for the elevators, Carlisle handed Edward a key card. I could see Carlisle was giving him a message and when we came to where the private elevators were located, Edward steered me away from them and down another hall. I could see a keycard slot at the end. He slid the card in and an invisible door opened in front of us. As soon as we stepped inside, I revealed all that I had concealed from him the entire evening. I couldn't help but smile as I saw his hand tremble as he slid the key card into the only slot next to the door.

We were immediately entwined around each other, hungrily tasting each other's lips. The waves of love and desire were so intense in the enclosed space of the elevator, I was afraid we would never make to our room before one of us let our energy out on the other.

His hand moved slowly up my neck, reaching into my hair, pulling my veil free and allowing the cascade of curls to flow over my bare shoulders. I needed to kiss him just as I needed blood to sustain me. I needed to breathe him in, taste him, know that my life with him would always be this way.

I held my energy back until I felt his build, and just when I thought he would release it on me, he pulled his mouth from mine and whispered my name.

"Oh, Bella, sweetheart."

My voice was nothing more than a shallow quiver as I spoke his name in response.

Just then, the doors slid open onto a huge room. Larger even than the rooms I had shared with Esme, Alice and Rosalie. Edward carried me into the room still attached at the lips. He drew his face back from mine and smiled. We looked around for a moment. It was similar to the other room in only one way; the west wall was a huge window. Everything in this room was decorated in differing shades of white.

There was a grand piano to one side of the living room. _He won't have time to play with that. _I thought.

An indoor and an outdoor pool. _Oh yeah, we'll definitely be playing in those._

And a huge rock fireplace that separated the living room from the bedroom. _Yep, we'll be making use of that too!_

I looked into Edward's golden eyes. That wickedly sinful crooked smile was on his face.

"Are you reading my thoughts?" I whispered.

"No, but I think you're reading mine." Picking me up, he carried across the living room to stand on front of the fireplace. There was a small remote on the wall. Reaching out, he pressed the tiny green button and with a few clicks, the fireplace roared to life. The fire lit up our skin, warming us. After setting me down lightly, I reached up to unbutton his shirt when he took my hands and kissed each before placing them at my sides. He took my face in his hands and kissed me way too lightly before moving his fingers and lips down to my neck, caressing my skin softly. My body trembled at each little kiss. Again, I raised my hands to touch him, he immediately took hold of them.

"Edward, please." I pleaded.

His eyes gazed passionately into mine, holding me. His sweet breath heavy in my face, I breathed it in. He was beautiful beyond belief.

"I have indulged your sexual appetite for far too long, Mrs. Cullen. Something I mean to rectify starting right now." A playfully wicked smile was on his face.

"Play nice, Mr. Cullen." I whispered. It was all I could do as ripples of his desire flitted over my skin and sank into me.

"I fully intend to—all I ask is that you hold on to your energy, draw out the release as long as you can." His lips so close to mine, I wanted to jump up and taste them. "Will you try?" His eyes sparkled at me.

His lips were on mine, his tongue slipping deep into my mouth before I could answer. Then, I felt his control slip away. His arms loosened around me, his fingers working expertly, unfastening each little crystal button on the back of my dress as my fingers moved and quickly unbuttoned his shirt. I slid my hands greedily across his magnificent sculpted torso, caressing every curve of his chest and back. A tremor flowed through him, rippling every muscle beneath his skin, under my hands.

He stopped the work of his fingers long enough for me to push his jacket and shirt off over his shoulders and down his arms, throwing them to the side. Within a few seconds I felt the silky fabric of my wedding dress slide down my skin and in a whoosh of air, it landed, like a fluffy cloud, at my feet. Edward looked down at me, at my body clothed in all those little pieces of satin, lace and silk. He stepped back from me, just taking it all in. I had imagined to see unmistakable lust on his face but he was just… gaga!

"Do you really like this… stuff?" My voice was a most seductive purr.

He nodded his approval. His eyes racing all over me as I heard a deep rumbling coming from him and saw a shudder race across his muscles.

The heat from the fire on my body made me feel as if I were blushing all over. Edward's eyes stopped roaming when they locked onto mine. The flames reflected in his golden amber gems made him look as if he were burning inside. And there it was. The look. The _feeling_ I was waiting for.

His lust hit me with a force I had never felt come from him before. His hands were a blur, then, on my waist, moving upward slowly against the silk fabric of the corset. His hungry eyes strolled longingly over my body. As his hands reached my breast, he ran his thumbs gently back and forth over the fabric. I gasped then sighed at the pleasure of his touch. All my muscles seemed to contract within me sending waves of lightning shooting through my veins, but I held it in as he had asked.

His mouth was on mine as if he couldn't kiss me deep enough, hard enough or long enough. There was no way I would be able to hold the intense energy inside much longer. Then, his mouth was gone. I gasped for breath.

"Edward, please!" I leaned into him trying to recapture his mouth, but he only smiled.

One of his hands released me. Then, I heard the sound of his belt unbuckling, sliding through the fabric and falling to the carpet.

_Finally._

I was suddenly swept off my feet and easily laid me down in front of the fire. Closing my eyes for less than a second, I heard the unmistakable sounds of rustling fabric. Then, felt his naked legs against my silk covered ones. His fingers grasped the silk and lace panties and with a tug, they were ripped and pulled from under me.

Kissing his way up from my stomach to my breasts, I arched my back and wrapped my legs around his. My hands slid smoothly down his velvet skin to rest upon his perfect rear. He teased me unmercifully. Touching me, pressing his powerful body against mine. Coming so close then, retreating. I tried to pull him forward, but he was much stronger not only in strength, but also in sheer will.

"Please Edward!" I moaned. Pleaded. I could feel my energy right on the edge of exploding. "Please! I can't…"

"I need you as I have never needed before." His voice a lusty growl. Then, his mouth feathered kisses over my cheek and down my neck, hungrily kissing and licking his way down my throat until his mouth touched my scars. I gasped at the sudden icy feeling that swept through me.

Then, Edward froze.

In the past, he had always avoided that side of my neck as if it were not even part of my body. I lay there waiting, wondering what was going through his mind because the emotions coming off of him were so totally confusing. He was still extremely aroused, his energy carefully balanced, but now, a dark passion accompanied it.

Suddenly, he kissed the jagged lines, licked them, bit at them as if he were claiming them as his own. The difference between his icy mouth and the heat that stayed in those scars was incredible. Each luscious lick of his tongue sent ice cold chills through me causing me to shudder uncontrollably. Through all of his attentions, my energy began to peak with an amazing force.

"I can't…" I whimpered as my body began to curve inward involuntarily as it prepared to release the energy I could no longer control. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I felt him slip slowly into me, deeply, filling me completely.

At that moment, we were truly one. My back arched as I moved with him as only lovers who are so in tuned to each other can. His strokes were slow and deep and smooth. His low moans matching mine. Suddenly, his mouth bit down hard on my neck as if he were trying to rip the heated flesh from body. The pain pushed me beyond the edge. All my control slipped away as the pleasure of his energy ripped into me. Then my energy burst forth and consumed us both.

The force of our passion felt as if it would physically tear us apart. Still, Edward moved inside of me, thrusting slowly and ever deeper. My skin felt buffeted by waves of pleasure. I welcomed it, letting it soak into every cell of my body. Our breathing came in ragged gasps and moans. Staying deep inside of me, Edward pushed his body up away from me, stopping his movement. The look in his suddenly black eyes frightened me.

"You belong to _me,_ Bella, as I belong to you and nothing or no one will ever come between us." His silky voice was a menacingly urgent growl.

I pulled my voice forward and let the resonating tones fill the air as I claimed him as mine.

"No one will ever come between us, Edward. No one … _ever_." He knew it was the truth.

I traced my hands lovingly up his body and wrapped my fingers around his neck, pulling his lips to mine. Our tongues tangled in a dance of their own. Edward's body began to move slowly again at first then, with more urgency as I released myself totally, held nothing back, determined to feel everything as we melted deliciously into each other.


	20. Chapter 20 The Lost Leader

Chapter Twenty

The Lost Leader

We would all be flying home before dawn. Edward and I were driving out to Casentino Park to hunt before getting on the private jet we had hired for the flight home. There would be two human pilots flying us and even though I knew I could control myself it would be much easier if I weren't so thirsty to begin with.

Edward and I had thoroughly enjoyed ourselves in the hotel suite and it had been a gloriously unbelievable five days and nights. It reminded us of how much we were ready to be in our own home and the sooner we got back the sooner it could be built.

We drove farther into the dark forest. I searched for any movement at all in the forest on either side of us. In fact I was so busy looking that I didn't even see the man walking on the side of the road until we were only 20 yards or so from him. When I did see him, my eyes locked on his and I realized he could see me clearly through the dark tinted windows of the car. I recognized his dark face immediately as we passed.

"Sam?" I couldn't believe my eyes. "Edward, stop the car!"

"Bella, I am not stopping this car! That's a werewolf! What the hell is he doing here? Suicidal idiot!"

I didn't have time to argue so I used my voice and Edward slammed on the brakes snarling at me the whole time. I heard him yelling at me as I jumped from the car.

"No Bella! Wait!" He flew out of the car and stood crouching in front of me, waiting for the werewolf to attack.

I stood looking down the road at the black figure standing there in the faint glow of our taillights. We were up wind from him and the moon had not yet come up.

"Edward, it's okay, I know him." I could feel Edward's readiness to defend me at all costs. "Please Edward, this is Sam, he's the leader of Jacob's pack."

"Bella?" Even though my name barely slipped between his lips, I could still hear the confusion in it. Suddenly, as he realized who I was and whom I was with, he fought to stay human – not to phase. I could see his body shaking and rippling in the faint red glow. Edward stood but never lost his readiness to defend us.

"Sam what are you doing here?" What in the world could he possibly doing in Italy, the one place he should never be? I could feel so many different emotions coming from him, anger, confusion, sadness and grief, mostly extreme grief.

He didn't answer, just stood there with low growls rumbling out of him.

"He's here to find the vampires that came through Forks last week." Edward was hearing his thoughts. "He wants to destroy them."

The ones that had come looking for me; Demetri and his guards.

"Sam you can't possibly believe you could find them, do you?" He still refused to answer. "Please Sam, please don't do this. You'll be killed before you get any where near them." I pleaded with him. At least he was listening and not phasing.

"He doesn't care, Bella, he has nothing to live for." Edward's voice was so sad, it scared me.

"Get out of my head leech!" Sam growled as he crouched readying for an attack.

"Sam, what happened in Forks? Please Sam, I need to know." I was afraid to ask, "Did something happen to Jacob?"

He let out a grizzly laugh, "Besides you tearing his heart out? No he's fine. What do you care any way?" He barked. He wanted to hurt me, wanted to rip me to shreds whether it was with his teeth or his words.

"Emily is dead – he killed her after the vampires left." Edward whispered painfully. "It was an accident."

"Oh Sam, I'm so sorry."

His outburst was so sudden, I flinched. He stood there roaring at us. He was so full of unbearable pain and grief. "Don't give me your apologies! It's all your fault! Everything is! You _wanted_ to become this thing, this inhuman bloodsucking leech! And your friends came looking for you didn't they?" I could see his muscles trembling and rippling as he screamed at me. Just then I felt him release his control and saw him burst into his wolf form. Edward's growls matched Sam's as they flew at each other. I had to stop this now!

I drew my power from the deepest part of me and felt as if I were scolding a child having a temper tantrum. I flew past Edward and hit Sam from the side knocking him off the road into the tall grass as I yelled.

"Sam, control yourself!" He instantly transformed back into his human form as he slid away from me. He jumped to his feet just as Edward tackled him, pinning him on the ground. He twisted his head, looking at me and I could feel fear coming so strongly from him even though we were yards apart.

_"What did you do to me?"_ He was roaring again. A nasty snarl came from between Edward's lips.

"Stop it Sam! I can do a lot more, like make you turn around and go home but I won't. You have to make up your own mind. Is this what you really want? To leave everyone who loves you? To leave your brothers alone without you? I suspect they don't even know you're here, do they?"

He refused to answer. I couldn't believe he was being so stupid. I took a deep breath and let it out very slow.

"Edward, let him up, there's no danger. He can't phase until I let him." In an instant Edward was standing next to me.

"Sam, get up." I sighed. "Please Sam, please go home. You _will_ die here if you don't." I didn't want to plead with him but I didn't want to make him do anymore against his will either. I had a memory that he had been my friend at one time and so had Emily.

He stood slowly trying to shake off what was holding him. I felt him give in and stop fighting me. His shoulders slumped. "Then I'll die. I don't care. I can't live without her, Bella." Horrible sadness came from him. I wished I could cry for him. I wished I could hug him. He turned and began walking down the road just as he was when we first saw him. Then he turned our direction again.

"Bella, Jacob never meant to hurt you. It tore him apart – he loved you very much."

"I…." I couldn't say it. I couldn't feel it. I hadn't asked if he was okay because I still loved him. That wasn't it at all!

Sam took another step and stopped again. "Bella, are you happy?"

"Yes, I'm very happy."

We watched him walk into the darkness until he transformed and ran into the forest. Edward took me roughly into his arms and we stood leaning against the car for a while just holding each other. I could feel he was angry and it seemed that it might be because of something that I had done. Soon his mood calmed down. He reached over and opened my door.

"We need to go." He said.

I looked up into his eyes. I could feel the doubt he held inside and I knew he would never ask no matter how badly he wanted to know. How could I explain? I remembered at one time I had loved Jacob but _only_ as my friend. How could I tell Edward that what I had wished to hear from Sam was Jacob's death? I only thought of Edward's safety, of the safety of my family. When Jacob comes, I'll deal with him. If it comes down to it, I will kill him.

I grabbed Edward and hugged him tightly. He tilted his head and kissed me until we were both gasping before we got back into the car and drove deeper into the forest.


	21. Chapter 21 The Gift

Chapter Twenty-One

The Gift

I couldn't really understand why the flight to Italy seemed so much faster when they both lasted a little over twenty hours, but it did. I had guessed it was the thought of flying into trouble that made the distance seem shorter and wanting so badly to get back home made it seem to take forever to get there. And it was wonderful to be home. I had missed all the familiar scents and odors that surrounded us. They were so very comforting.

We had all piled out of the two cars, grabbed the many bags that came back with us and carted them all off to our respective rooms. I would actually have clothes to hang in my closet, and as I walked into the enormous space I had rarely visited in the last three years I found that I would need to shove some of Edward's things back to his own side. My new sexy undergarments took up two drawers on their own in my almost empty dresser.

Edward walked over and pulled the other empty drawers out smiling. "We'll need to fill these up also." At the rate he was ripping through them, those drawers would never stay filled. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me up voraciously kissing my neck and then letting me go. I could feel the lightening come alive inside of me. I watched as he walked away disappearing into the bedroom.

Twenty something hours was just way to long to go with out sharing myself with him. Even if he was keeping me on a tight leash by making me wait and teasing me horribly when he gave in. It was actually making life extremely exciting. Now that we were home I had my chance to see if he was going to make good on his promise to stop spoiling me.

"Would you mind terribly if we unpacked later?" I asked from inside the closet.

He came to the doorway and stood with a playfully sexy smile spread across his face. "No, not at all. Actually I …" His mood shifted suddenly. He was feeling something that I could only interpret as… hesitancy. "I have a gift for you."

"Edward, you shouldn't have!" I slid my arms around his waist and looked into his eyes. "You're just as bad as Alice and Rosalie, you know that don't you?"

"What? How so?" He really didn't see it.

"They buy clothes and shoes and you buy CD's and cars. It's exactly the same thing. And now you had an excuse to buy something for me."

He was looking down at me. "Well…I didn't just buy it. I bought it two years ago and just never got around to giving it to you."

"Oh. Okay then, if it's taken you two years to give it to me, can you wait just a little longer?" I began unbuttoning his shirt.

He placed his hand under my chin and lifted my face. "Bella, I'm afraid with giving you this gift, I'm going to need to make up for it…a lot." He kissed me, took my hand and led me out of the closet.

As we walked out the side door he turned towards the garage. He led me down past the most often used doors that housed the everyday cars until we were almost standing in front of one of the antique car doors.

"Edward, please tell me you didn't buy me a car." We had already had that discussion many times.

His face had no expression but I could feel how anxious he was. He pressed the code into the little keypad.

"I didn't buy you a car."

The door quietly slid up and back to reveal a very old faded red tank of a truck.

I gasped at the sight of it. The memories of it flooded into me. I knew this truck. Knew every rattle, every noise, and every little quirky thing about it. I felt as if my feet wouldn't move me towards it fast enough. I ran my hands over the rounded fenders until I reached the door handle. I peered in through the window, and then pushed the button that opened the door. It swung open easily and I climbed up inside. I folded my arms on the steering wheel and closing my eyes, laid my head down.

"Do you want me to wait outside?" Edward whispered. I only nodded.

There were many times I missed being able to have a human moment and this was one of those times. I wanted to cry. To cry until I couldn't cry anymore. Sobbing just wasn't the same without the tears but I did it anyway. After I settled down, I realized what Edward meant when he said he would probably have to make up for it and he was right; he was going to be making up for it …a lot! I sat up and breathed in deeply. I could smell scents from the past inside this cab.

My human scent was all over everything and Edward's was very strong also. There were two other extremely strong scents, the first was so wonderfully sweet, so much like warm thick orange blossom honey I just kept breathing it in as deeply as I could trying to saturate every cell in my body with it's intoxicating fragrance. I blocked out every other scent and focused on that one alone. There was no way that I was thirsty but my mouth began to fill with venom and the tickle in the back of my throat was almost unbearable. Who's scent had this been? It was so frustrating that I gave up and focused on the last scent, which was unmistakably werewolf. Jacob's scent. I breathed it in very lightly because werewolf was really an odor, not a scent. Not something pleasurable to inhale. I breathed it in a little deeper and though I was blocking all the other scents, I found that the wonderful honey scent was mingled with Jacob's odor. That delicious honey smell had to be Jacob's human scent. It made me sad to think that I would never have the chance to smell that on his skin, not only because he was no longer a human but because, if I ever saw him again, he would probably be trying to kill me and I would be doing the same to him. I didn't want to be alone in here anymore, but I didn't want to get out just yet either.

"Edward?"

He came around the corner and stood looking in at me. "Bella, I'm so sorry if I've caused you to relive something that you weren't ready for."

I sat looking down at the floor of my truck. "Is Charlie okay?"

"Yes, he's fine."

I looked around the interior, wishing it didn't have all those smells of the past. I wrinkled my nose. "It smells in here." Edward opened the door and held out his hand to me. I just scooted over to the center of the seat leaving room for him to climb in and sit next to me, which he did. He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"I guess it does have the odor of sitting in storage for a long time but, it also smells of you and I didn't want to clean it up before you were able to see it just in case, well…." He stroked my hair with his hand. "If you don't want to keep it, I'll totally understand."

It never crossed my mind not to keep it. "I'll keep it. But it needs a paint job and I'm sure the engine is shot. Another project for you and Rosalie huh?" I reached out and touched the steering wheel. "Are you going to tell me how you managed to buy _my_ truck from my dad?"

"Do you want the whole story or the condensed version?"

"The whole story, please." I turned and folded my knee up onto the seat so I could see his face. "First, before you start, you didn't hurt me, my angel. It was just kind of a shock. When stuff like this happens, the memories just…" I shrugged my shoulders and took his hand. "I don't want you to think for one second that I have any regrets of becoming…yours." I softly kissed the palm of his hand and pressed it to my cheek. "It's just the memories pour in and I let them have their way with me then I'm fine. Really."

He studied my face then smiled. "The whole story is that I asked Carlisle to hire someone to watch over Charlie for a while. It was pretty simple, he knew a doctor at the hospital who wanted to do some research on how stress effects health and needed the funding so Carlisle funds his research. The research includes professionals like doctors, firefighters and police officers. So this doctor approached Charlie and lucky for us, he agreed to participate in the study."

"And he's doing okay? He's happy?" Edward nodded. I looked down at his hand in mine. "Did he look for me for very long?" I hated to think that he would have wasted time searching for me. I had hoped he would go on with his life.

"He did look but not for an abnormal amount of time. He gave up once he found our house empty and did the research into who owned it finding only that it belongs to one of our companies and can't be traced to us in any way."

"Where did all of your stuff go?" I had always wondered about that since they had left the house on such short notice.

"Carlisle and Esme were able to lock everything in the basement and brought only what they could when they left." He leaned his head back smiling. "All of my CD's are in that basement." He let out a little laugh. "Charlie put a 'for sale' sign in your truck a year after you disappeared and Carlisle had someone purchase it for me and it's been in storage all this time."

"Is Charlie still alone?"

"No, he met a really nice woman, a nurse at the hospital. He saw her every time he came in to talk to the doctor. They dated for a year then they got married. So he really is very happy, Bella." He kissed my forehead.

"And Renée? Did you keep tabs on her also?"

"Yes, she's fine too. I think having Phil made it a little easier on her." He adjusted his arms around me and held me tightly. "I do have another gift for you."

"Edward, is this one going to make me sob uncontrollably too?"

"I'll be quite confused if it does." That wonderful smile of his flashed at me and I was melting. "I'm finished with the house plans. Actually, I drew two different plans, one for our home here and one for a home somewhere else. Your choice."

I was so thrilled! "Are they both designed around a piano with room to dance?"

"Absolutely."

I pulled his face to mine, "This is so not fair! What gift could I possibly ever give you that would show you how much I love you?" Even though I brushed his lips with my every word, I was very serious.

His arms clutched me even tighter into his rock hard chest. I could feel the deep rumbling inside his body and his desire for me poured over my skin.

His voice was so deep and full of passion. "You have already given me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, your body and soul…forever."


	22. Chapter 22 Angels

Chapter Twenty-Two

Angels

Twenty-six years have passed since my beloved Edward saved me from a mortal death. I learned to control my instincts around humans very early, which was something that amazed my family to no end. Edward very carefully kept me from humans in the beginning and after experiencing the feeling of blood lust the first time, I had never allowed it to control me again.

But every once in a while, out around humans, I would catch a scent and the tingle in my throat would come on but it was easily squashed and I had never acted upon it. I had been very lucky to have such a loving and protective family who put everything aside to steer me away from that temptation during my first three years. After that time they found I was able to control my urges quite easily on my own.

Edward had spent much of his time going to universities, attending various colleges favoring music and architecture. He would never dream of really settling down to any kind of career though and we definitely didn't need the money; we had more than we could ever spend in a thousand life times, thanks to Alice's great advice.

I was able to take tons of classes online at first but gradually attended school with Edward and a couple of times all of us, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett even went to high school for a year or two. Edward was right, it got really boring sitting at home watching TV all the time.

Our family is scattered around the world a few months of the year but we talk almost everyday on the phone and spend the rest of the time together as a family, which keeps us very strong.

Emmett, Rosalie and Edward went to flying school and all received their pilots' licenses. Emmett and Rosalie started collecting a few small planes and Edward bought a jet through the Pacific Northwest Trust Company so the whole family could fly together without the fear of endangering humans. It had nothing to do with our nature as vampires in an enclosed space. It was all about those three thinking they're stunt pilots. And what would happen to us if we crashed? Nothing, we'd all walk away.

I had done a lot toward perfecting my power and am able to focus it whenever and wherever I need it. I figured out how to block the emotions of others so I could get off the stupid emotional roller coaster that would plague me when we went out around humans. Edward and I spend so much of our time together as if we were still on our honeymoon. I love him fiercely. He has never been able to hear my thoughts again but I let him know my true feelings every chance I get. I have never forgotten Jacob's promise to find him and kill him and the rest of my loving family. It never leaves my mind and I can never help but fear each kiss, each minute, each day could be our last together. I have always kept this feeling hidden as best I could.

There has been so much of my human life that I still can't recall yet and so much that has faded from my memory. I remember the meadow, a sea of ferns, the trees, and the house I shared with Charlie and I remember Renee and that I loved them both dearly. I remember why we can never go back to Forks and live in the white house. But, I can't remember a time when I didn't love Edward.

We split most of our time between our two homes. One of our homes is in the Shetland Islands, north of Scotland. It's small and cozy with a huge stone fireplace and the view of the Northern Lights is fantastic. This was my choice. And when I say small I mean less than 4000 square feet. Edward designed it around his new custom-built grand piano. Edward writes and plays a lot while we're there. The acoustics are unbelievable in both of our houses.

If I were still human, I know I would spend much of my time crying over Edward's exquisite melodies, which, of course, he says are all inspired by me. His music touches me so deeply. It's as if his love for me flows through his fingers into the keys and the strings pour that love into the room and my body soaks it all in. I can actually hear and feel every note that is played, every vibration of the strings no matter how softly he touches the keys.

We also spend much of our time in our home in Alaska, which is very much like our other home also furnished with a grand piano. We had been staying in the house in Alaska for sometime, waiting for our family to join us.

We had been out hunting the night before and I had a chance to hunt my favorite meal. After my first encounter with the wolves in Casentino Park, in Italy, I have developed a taste for them but I don't dare hunt them very often because they're numbers are not that great in Alaska. Next to humans, I find the scent of wolf is the sweetest. Their blood is so much more… everything… than anything else I have ever tasted. Edward thinks it's a little weird.

I lay next to Edward on the plush carpet in front of a roaring fire as we have laid thousands of times before, wrapped in his arms looking into his topaz eyes. My fingers played happily among his bronze curls. His latest piano compositions burned to a CD were playing softly. I treasure these times, no words pass between us, just feelings. Then I gently traced the features of his face with my fingertips. It's still hard to believe that my life is not just some dream that I will awake from at any moment.

And to confirm that I'm not dreaming, that we do really exist in this place, Edward's phone rings up in the loft. Neither of us even twitched, we just let it ring. Whoever it is can leave us a message and it eventually stops. Then my phone rings and I sighed wondering if maybe I should get that but I don't.

Edward smiled. "They're going to be upset if we keep ignoring them."

"Not for very long. Besides," I placed a kiss on his mouth. "If it's really important, they'll call back."

Suddenly the computer chimed signaling a call was coming in.

I started towards it and Edward beat me there. "You'd better get dressed my love, even though the screen says Alice, it could very well be Jasper."

"Get dressed?" I pouted. The computer chimed again.

"Isabella Cullen, your insatiability is mind boggling." He was doing it again, giving me the eye, cutting me off.

"Yeah, but you love it." I said as I walked past him caressing his face. The computer chimed for a third time. "What am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?" I asked as I swiftly took the stairs up to the loft.

"Suffer!"

I could hear the fourth chime cut off abruptly and then Alice's voice floated up the stairs.

"Edward, where's Bella?" The tone of her voice instantly worried me. It was filled with sadness.

"She's upstairs, what's wrong?"

"I had a vision of Charlie, he's been shot, I'm afraid he's dying." I threw on some clothes then jumped from the loft to the floor below. I flew to Edward's side and he took me in his arms.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't know what to do!" Alice was genuinely worried.

Edward looked into my eyes as he asked Alice where they were right now.

"We're just north of the Canadian border heading home."

Edward never took his eyes from mine. "Bella, it's up to you." I nodded. " Alice, will you and Jasper meet us at our house in Forks?"

"We've already turned around. Would you like me to call everyone else?"

"Yes, thank you. Alice, _be careful_. Even though it's been twenty-six years, I'm sure the Quileutes have not forgotten us."

"I know. We'll see you both very soon." Then her face disappeared from the computer screen.

Edward kept me tight in his arms. I had not seen Charlie since Jacob had accidentally shot me in the meadow. I missed him and Renee terribly sometimes but had never contacted them in any way. It was better for them. And I could never take the risk that Jacob was watching and waiting for us to return.

I felt a terrible sadness come into my body. The grief was so powerful, I sobbed from the pain. I felt Edward's body begin to tremble from my feelings so I caught myself and pulled it in to keep Edward from suffering. He held me until I calmed myself. He let me go only to dress then came back placing his arm around my shoulders.

"Lets go." He said quietly as he pulled me towards the door.

"Edward, what if they sense our presence?" Fear had taken me now; I held on to Edward with all my strength, "I swore that I would never put any of you in danger by trying to see Charlie! I can't lose you Edward! I can control one werewolf but beyond that I just don't know!"

"Bella, please, everything will be fine. I would never put us in danger either." His voice was so calming. He lifted my chin with his finger, "That is why we will all meet there. There's no need to worry, our family is very strong, Bella."

The sound of his voice made me feel much better. I suppressed my fear and Edward pressed his lips to mine. Still, in the back of my mind, Jacob's promise ran through my head. Please don't let this be my last kiss, I thought. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard until we were both panting from the sheer intensity of it. He took my face in his hands, his sweet breath blowing rapidly across my skin.

"Bella, I am almost hoping that we do run into Jacob." A growl was rumbling deep inside of him. I shook my head 'no', that was the last thing I ever wanted to happen. He pressed his forehead against mine. "You need to settle these feelings of yours, my love. I know there are secrets that you hold locked up in your heart and one of them is your love for him. And I have no right to ever blame you for feeling the way you do. Those feelings came about because of me, I left you wounded and vulnerable." He lowered his voice to just a whisper, "I know your love for him has never invaded our bed but your fear of him has never left you either and that fear is present each and every time we touch."

I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. After all these years, he still didn't understand. I thought I was doing such a great job hiding my fear but it seemed I hadn't fooled him in the least.

"Edward, I do not love Jacob. Please understand, in all this time I have held nothing for him but fear. I promise, I love only you. If we do meet Jacob, I will settle this. I will settle it with him any way I can, even if it means I have to take his life." I opened my eyes and could feel that he trusted my every word.

"Bella, I believe there is so much more to your power than you let on and to cause Jacob's death would be a simple task for you _if_ you feel it is the only way _and_ you allow yourself to do it." He held me in his beautiful eyes. Then took my hand led me out the door.

I learned long ago just what I could do. It was a horrifying thing to realize that within myself I held the power to take someone's life. Not only by my teeth but also by my words. Learning to control my voice, to never lose my temper was the most important thing in my existence at one time. I knew I could kill but I was also capable of doing so many wonderful things.

The drive down seemed to take forever even though Edward was driving our Volvo at top speed, only stopping once for gas and running off the batteries the rest of the time. The towns and small cities that were along the way had grown and sometimes one city just blended into the next. As we got closer to Forks, the huge old trees and forest took over. It made me glad to see that Forks had kept some of its charm by staying a small town.

We began driving down roads that were familiar to me. The road that we took numerous times to the beautiful white house was overgrown and would have been hidden totally from anyone but members of our family especially here in the dark. Edward slowed and turned onto the road. We could see recent tire tracks already. After a short time, the house came into view. We could see the silhouette of a young girl in the window behind the curtain.

We came to a stop next to Jasper's car. Edward and I walked up on to the porch as Alice opened the door. She ran out and hugged me tight.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. I saw him…he was at a sporting goods store and two guys were shooting at him then when he decided to stand up a shoot back and the two guys…Bella, they shot him so many times! I can't believe he's still alive!" We sobbed into each other's shoulders. "I felt so helpless watching the whole thing in my head and not being able to do anything! I swear if the police hadn't already caught up with the guys and killed them I would have finished them off myself!"

All of a sudden I felt Jasper's calming presence, "Bella, he is still alive. He's in room 303." He had stepped out on the porch with us, shutting the door behind him.

I had to know about the werewolves. "Alice, you need to calm down. I need to know, have you had any visions with blanks in them?" I knew Alice couldn't see werewolves but she could see blank spaces in time, questionable gray areas she wouldn't be able to see into or past. She closed her eyes and we remained silent while she searched for them.

"No, nothing is blank. As far as I can tell, we will be safe for a while. At least long enough for you to see Charlie." She took my hand and we all headed to Jasper's car.

"We don't have much time, Bella. We can't wait for the others to arrive. Charlie is very close to the end. I have seen him in a coma but I don't know if it's happened yet." Alice was very concerned we might not get there in time.

I slid into my seat next to Edward, his arms came around me and he gently kissed my forehead. I had to stay in control because the last thing I would want was for everyone in the hospital to feel the outpouring of my sorrow.

Driving through town I could see all the changes that had taken place over the last twenty-six years and surprisingly, it wasn't very much. We drove past Newton's Outfitters and this was the store were Charlie had been shot. It was new and huge! They must have done very good for themselves to afford such a nice new building. Unfortunately, the whole place was covered in that plastic yellow police tape.

We pulled into the underground parking at the hospital. We didn't see anyone as we walked into the elevator. The doors opened quietly on the fourth floor and we checked the signs for room 303. Jasper sent out a calming effect as we walked silently down the corridor to Charlie's room. Just before we reached his door, Edward stopped.

"Charlie's wife is in there." He was using our rapid speech. "The doctor's have told her he won't make it through the night. She knows the only reason his heart is still beating is because they have him pumped full of drugs and as soon as she is ready to let him go, they'll unplug everything and he'll go very quickly." He was looking in my eyes. "Bella, there is still enough left of him to change, if you wish me to."

"If there's enough of him to save, then I'll save him." Edward's eyes became huge and I felt his confusion.

"I'm not going to _bite_ him. I could never make the choice for him but I can give him more time." Then I slipped from his arm and walked into the room.

I stood looking at my father twenty-six years older lying in bed with tubes coming out of him and bandages wrapped around him in so many places I could hardly see his skin. His scent was that of medication. He absolutely reeked of it.

Charlie's wife was standing next to his bed holding his hand and wiping the tears that were flowing down her cheeks with the other hand. Misery poured out of her. Her eyes were closed and she was praying. My approach was silent so she had no idea I was standing across from her until I touched her hand. She gasped and looked at Charlie first probably thinking that he was the one who had touched her. Then she saw me standing there in the dim light.

"Oh my God!" She whispered. She stared at me for what seemed like minutes. "It can't be. Bella?" I'm sure that she must have recognized me from photographs Charlie had at home.

"Yes." I smiled.

Edward, Alice and Jasper came into the room just then and I could feel Jasper relaxing her. Edward came around to stand by me and Jasper pulled the chair over behind Charlie's wife.

"How can this be? You… haven't… even… aged." She looked at Edward also with recognition. "And neither have you."

I suddenly remembered the pictures I had taken of Edward and in our rush to leave, no one ever went back for them.

"It's true then, you are an angel." She smiled at us in amazement.

I looked at Edward and smiled. I came around the bed and encouraged her to sit down. I took her hands and studied her face. She shuddered at my touch but didn't pull away. She was full of wonder at me, at all of us. I could see why Charlie fell in love with her, she was a beautiful person. I could feel kindness and compassion flowing through her.

"Have you come to take him?" Tears were still spilling down her cheeks.

"Not yet." I patted her hand. I pulled my resonating voice forward and spoke softly to her. "You need to sleep now." She smiled and closed her eyes. Within seconds she was in a deep sleep.

"Jasper can you keep her asleep for awhile?"

"Not a problem." He answered. Alice stayed by his side, sadness written all over her beautiful face.

Edward and I checked under all the bandages that covered Charlie's skin to see the extent of his injuries. Edward stood quietly reading the computer screen that told of all the medications Charlie was on and all the bullet wounds he was being treated for. They had already done quite a bit of surgery for internal injuries but he still seemed to go straight down hill and then he had slipped into the coma.

My eyes met Edward's. "I've never done anything like this before but I have to try."

He nodded. "I know."

I looked over at Alice and could see the sadness sweep away from her face to be replaced by astonishment. "Bella, I had no idea." I smiled knowing how true that was, not even Edward had a full comprehension of what I could do.

I took Charlie's hand and leaned over him bringing my voice softly forward. "Daddy wake up."

Charlie's eyes fluttered for a second then slowly opened and fell upon my face. I smiled at him and could feel his happiness as he recognized me. Tears started to flow from his eyes.

"Hi daddy." I kissed his hand and felt him shudder.

Edward stepped up behind me. "He wants to know if you're an angel." He was reading Charlie's thoughts. All I could do was smile at him.

"He has missed you very much."

"I missed you too." I pressed his hand against my cheek smelling the odor of medication flowing through his veins. "I'm so happy to see you're not alone." I motioned over to the chair and he moved his head slightly to see her sleeping there. "She loves you very much."

He smiled at me then I saw his eyes shift past me to Edward.

"No Charlie, I couldn't save her. She was too close to death so I gave her what she wanted, to spend eternity with me." Edward paused listening to Charlie's thoughts as his eyes came back to mine. "He wants to know if you're happy."

"Yes, daddy, I'm very happy." I could feel his exhaustion coming on quickly. "I'm going to help you begin healing now. This may be painful so you will need to go back to sleep. When you wake up you will still have a long road ahead of you but you will recover." I paused and pulled all my power forward. I felt the deep resonating chords begin down in my throat and I spoke softly to Charlie, "Sleep now." His eyes closed and I laid my head on his chest and softly repeated the words I needed to use to start his healing. I slowly and gently poured my power into him feeling his cells gradually repairing themselves.

Alice stepped from the room once to call Carlisle and Esme and let them know where we were and what was taking place. We stayed through the night until the sky began to lighten.

Edward placed his hand on my shoulder, "Bella, the sun will be up soon."

I stood and lifted the bandage that covered one of the wounds on Charlie's shoulder to see that it had almost completely disappeared. I could feel that Charlie's pain level had decreased tremendously. He was only sleeping and out of danger now.

I leaned over and kissed his soft cheek. "Good bye daddy, I love you." I whispered in his ear knowing that he could hear me.

We silently slipped down the hall to the elevators and into the car. I leaned against Edward and he embraced me tightly. I thought about what I had just done. I had fooled around with fate but I just couldn't let him die like that. I looked into Edward's beautiful amber eyes.

"Did I do the right thing?"

"You did what you had to. No one else has any right to judge you." With his fingers he traced my face very softly. "But what I saw you do was the most beautiful, unselfish act I have ever seen and I was totally amazed by it." He smiled that wonderful crooked smile I knew so well, "Yes, Bella, I believe you did the right thing."


	23. Chapter 23 Goodbye Jacob

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jacob

When we got back to the house everyone had arrived and was waiting for us. Edward filled them all in on what I had done and Charlie's improving condition. No one spoke; they just stood looking at me. I could feel their amazement spread out over me.

"Damn, Bella!" Emmett finally broke the silence. "You've got some awesome powers there, girl!"

And they were awesome, an awesome burden at times. I could feel everyone becoming a little more relaxed. I smiled up at Edward. It had been over two days now since we had last made love and shared ourselves and all I wanted to do was get back home, crawl into bed with him and stay there for at least a year or two. I let him feel my intentions and his face broke out in that wonderfully crooked smile of his.

"Okay, well I'm ready to go." He announced as he suddenly pulled me toward the front door. I was surprised he gave in so easily.

"Don't you want to pick up any of your stuff from the basement?" Rosalie's voice was full of disbelief. Obviously she wanted to go through the things she was forced to leave behind in the rush to leave so many years ago.

I looked up at Edward's face. He was eager to get home, as was I, but I could feel his enthusiasm to go through his long lost possessions as well. "Well, since we're here, maybe you could pick up some of those CD's you have in the basement?" I didn't have a problem with that; we had eternity together so I could wait just a little longer.

"There is a lot more in the basement than just CD's." Esme said, "We would need quite a few moving vans to move out what is packed away down there. Well, let's collect what we can now and then we'll have to make some decisions on what we're going to do with what's left. We can't very well move it all up to Alaska, we just don't have the room."

The mood in the room lightened considerably with the prospect of exploring all the things they had left behind. Esme led the way to the entrance of the basement and after opening the large hidden double doors, everyone filed down the stairs talking and laughing. I had never been down there. It was huge, the size of a small warehouse. For having to move everything down there in haste, Carlisle and Esme had it organized quite well.

Edward went straight to his beloved piano and tinkled a few of the keys. It was horribly out of tune from sitting so long down there. He found music that he had written and placed it in a box he had begun loading CD's into. I stayed close to the stairs. There was nothing down in the basement that belonged to me. I could hear Alice and Rosalie commenting on favorite outfits they had found and how they had gone in and out of style in the last twenty-nine years. I thought it amazing that considering where we were, nothing seemed to have mold on it. Esme had announced to everyone that they needed to make sure whatever they took would fit in their own car and to stop asking her if there was room in her car for extra.

Everyone was having such a wonderful time. It was like Christmas for them and I felt so out of place.

Carlisle drifted over to me, smiled, took my hand and led me back up the stairs. We walked out the back sliding glass door and down to the river that flowed behind the house. When we reached the bank, I stood watching the water rush past. The day was dark and getting darker. The clouds that were forming told that there would be a nasty summer storm very soon. These kinds of storms always came with lightening and thunder. I could smell it in the air, feel the electricity and the torrential rains the clouds were holding. I had missed this place more than I wanted to admit. I stood silently breathing in all the smells I had missed when Carlisle's voice drifted to me.

"Bella, how long have you known what you are capable of?"

"Years." My voice was full of sadness.

"Were you afraid to tell us?"

"I didn't want to scare anyone."

"Bella, that doesn't make any sense? Why would we be afraid of you or your power for that matter?" He was smiling at me like I was some silly child, and, compared to him, I most certainly was. But he didn't know the whole truth yet.

I stepped right to the edge of the water. "Carlisle, you know how Jane uses her thoughts? How she can make you imagine that you are in horrible pain?" He nodded, "Well, I can cause someone to die with a single word." I felt his shock hit me from behind.

"How do you know this? How do you know you can do this for certain?" He tried to keep his voice level.

"I just know, I don't know how I do, I just do. Just like I knew I could help Charlie start healing. I know I could help him heal completely but…that would cause problems…for us." I turned and looked into his eyes, knowing that the feelings I projected towards him would help him feel the burden of this power. He raised his arms and I stepped into them. His fatherly love flowed over me and made me feel that everything would be just fine.

"Bella, never doubt that we love you and will accept you no matter what." He gently kissed my hair, "Does Edward know about this?"

I thought back to our conversation about Jacob and how Edward alluded to knowing what I could do. "I think he has a pretty good idea but I haven't actually come right out and told him."

"I see, well, we'll need to tell everyone about this after we get home, okay?" I nodded my head against his chest. "Besides, we're vampires Bella, there isn't much in this world that can scare us." We stood together like that for a long while. Carlisle's unconditional love was amazing. It was no wonder that none of us ever wanted to disappoint him. When we heard the voices of the others coming up from the basement bringing boxes with them, we turned and walked back to the house.

Edward was standing in the doorway and I could tell Carlisle was filling him in on our conversation. No secrets around here, that's for sure. I waited to see the reaction in Edward's eyes, to feel it in his body, but it seemed that his beliefs about my powers were only confirmed. Carlisle handed me off to Edward and in that way I physically and mentally slipped from the arms of one unconditional love to another. Edward's arms folded around me and I felt safe in his love. He raised my chin and playfully covered my face with sweet kisses ending with a full deep passionate one on my lips. We were both breathing hard when his tongue slipped from my mouth. I could hear thunder in the distance. I was sure the lightning I was feeling tingle through my body had come from Edward and not the sky.

"Bella." He sensuously whispered in my ear.

_Damn! He was still such a tease!_ _How in the world can he still dazzle me so?_ I wondered.

His face had lit up. "Let's go home." The feelings I got from him weren't only from his desire to get home and jump into bed, but I could feel he must have found all kinds of forgotten treasures down in the basement and his anticipation of sharing them with me. I let his happiness fill me.

We all piled into our separate cars and headed out to the road. The clouds were so dark now and we could hear the thunder off in the distance quickly heading in our direction.

Before we actually hit the pavement I laid my hand on Edward's arm. "Can we stop somewhere first?" There was no way, feeling the way I did right then, that I was going to make it another day before stopping somewhere and sharing myself with him. Besides, there was one more place I wanted to visit before heading home. Edward's gaze held me for a second as he realized where I wanted to go.

"Definitely." He pulled out his phone and spoke Carlisle's name. I could feel desire rising in him.

"We're going to make a stop before heading home." He paused for a second, "The meadow…we'll be fine…yes, I'll call as soon as we get on the road again." He closed his phone and I suddenly felt the most curious waves of emotion gently lapping over me. Edward's arm came around me and pulled me roughly into his side.

"I want to show you something." He let out a laugh," I can't believe I forgot about the lightning!" He locked me in his gaze, changed his voice to a low growl, "I want you to _feel_ it."

Deep rumblings had begun coming from inside his chest loud enough to rival the thunder outside. He was building energy right there in the car and I felt it through every cell in my body. I had never felt his desire, his passion so strong, so urgent.

"Edward?" I gasped.

He was starring out the windshield driving faster than he ever had before.

All of a sudden, within the matter of a few seconds, I had no will of my own. I closed my eyes and gave in completely. The lightning built inside of me, spreading throughout my entire body. I couldn't even speak. The thought crossed my mind that if I was so consumed by this feeling, how was Edward still driving the car? Just as the thought passed I felt the car sliding to a halt, spraying gravel and dirt into the trees. My eyes flew open as Edward pulled me from the car. I couldn't believe we had gotten to the head of the trail so fast.

"Edward, we'll never make it to the meadow…I can't…" I had grabbed onto him as I gasped for air. "I can't…block you!" Even if I could, I didn't want to make him stop. "Edward please!"

"Bella, hold on to it, don't…release it!" He pleaded desperately, "Just run!"

He took my hand and we ran into the forest as if we were running for our lives. My whole body was trembling and so was Edward's. Just when I felt I could hold it no longer, we broke out of the trees into the perfect circle that was the meadow. Edward picked me up and danced me in circles into the center. The lightning in the sky was so close now I could feel the sizzle of electricity in the air. Edward had stopped as soon as we reached the center and we stood in each other's arms looking into the sky breathing heavily, holding our energies in.

"Hold it, Bella. Wait for the lightning." His voice deep with anticipation.

The electricity in the sky came together and a tremendous jagged bolt of light tore through the air directly above us. The thunder that accompanied it was deafening. At that split second both Edward and I released the energy we had held and the sensation was so overwhelming that it sucked the breath out of me. I felt as if every cell in my body had just exploded with pleasure. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if we had been hit by the bolt that had crashed above our heads.

We were both breathing frantically when our lips met. We were trembling so violently it was all I could do to hang on to him. The sensation began to calm until we were only quivering. Lightning continued to flash around us, but not as close or as powerful. I could feel the rain in the air that was so near, so ready to pour down on us. Our lips parted for a moment. I held on to Edward's neck as I stared into his beautiful face.

"How did you know that would happen?" I was still trying to calm my breathing.

Edward's smile was huge. "Emmett and Jasper told me about it and in all this time together, we've never been in a lightning storm. Did you like it?"

"Oh yeah!" _Did I ever!_ "Can we do that again?"

The most wonderful sensuous smile came over his gorgeous face. He leaned down and kissed my neck, "Actually, it's supposed to feel much more intense while making love." He whispered. Our need and excitement filled the already electrified air. Our lips came together as we slowly pulled at each other's clothing. Everything was building all over again. I left myself completely exposed to feel it all when an emotion that didn't belong to Edward hit me like slap in the face.

Rage.

As our lips parted I drew in a gasp at the intensity of it.

Rage. A horrible anger that was being controlled from within.

"Jacob." The name barely passed my lips.

He was here. Edward heard his thoughts at the same instant I felt his rage. We both looked into the forest where we knew he was standing in the shadows. I could plainly see his outline deep within the trees. Edward and I were so consumed in our own needs that neither of us felt or heard his approach.

Edward snarled and crouched as if to attack. I grabbed his shoulder and stepped past him as he stood to his full height.

"No, Edward. This is my battle." A growl slipped past my lips. This had to end here, one way or another I would leave my fear of Jacob's threats behind. I could feel Jacob's rage was directed toward Edward. He wanted to rip him apart. I felt the tremors shaking his body as he fought to stay in his human form. I turned my back to him and took Edward's face in my hands. He didn't take his eyes from Jacob for a second.

"Please remember, whatever I may say, whatever I may do, I love only you." I pulled his neck to my mouth and ran my tongue lovingly across his skin feeling the tremors race down his body. I turned within his arms and looked into Jacob's eyes. Even in the darkness, I could see the fire burning inside of him.

Edward's mouth was next to my ear, his husky growl whispered to me, "Play nice, my love." I smiled as he ran his razor sharp teeth over the jagged scars Jacob had inflicted on me. My whole body shook from pain and pleasure.

The flash of Edward's teeth on my neck was enough for Jacob. His rage overtook him; he transformed and sprang from the trees. In seconds he was within feet of where Edward and I were standing. I was ready and let the command of my voice flow out of me in deep tones.

"Jacob stop!" I barely raised my voice above the thunder, but still the werewolf stopped in mid air and fell to the ground with an angry yelp. His momentum carried him closer as he slid along the moist grass. He stood on all fours and furiously snapped and growled in my direction, but he couldn't take a step any closer.

"Just stop it Jacob, it won't do you any good. Transform." Even through my deep hypnotic tones my voice was silky smooth. I could see the utter confusion and fear in his eyes as he involuntarily phased back into his human form. He stayed on the ground, on his knees looking at me.

"_What did you do to me?"_ His roar was quick and sudden, but not unexpected. He started to rise.

"Stay on your knees, Jacob." Even on his knees he was almost as tall as I was and I certainly wasn't in the mood to be looking up at him. I stepped closer to him. I could feel Edward's emotions behind me, he was not happy with my being so far from him and so close to Jacob. But I could also feel his calmness, he was not afraid for me in any way.

"Calm down, Jacob." I changed the tone of my voice and could see the influence it was having on him. Every word persuasive, mesmerizing. I came within inches of his face. His dark eyes were still full of fear. "I have quite a lot I want to talk to you about." His eyes were beginning to glaze over and his breathing was slowing. He stayed on his knees, hands limply hanging at his sides.

"Bella…I"

I placed my fingers over his burning lips, "Ah…ah…ah…no talking. It's my turn to make the promises." Cat like, I walked around him feeling the heat coming from his body and it bathed me in warmth.

"You haven't changed much. I guess being a werewolf does have a few advantages. Maybe a little older looking, but you're still as beautiful as ever." And he was. He was completely naked and so gorgeous.

I could feel a strange pooling sensation in my eyes. All my senses became heightened. Venom flooded my mouth. We didn't seduce animals, we just killed them, but here was a man completely in my control. Thirst swept through me. Though I had never hunt a human, this must be the feeling that accompanied that kind of seduction.

Within a blink I had it controlled.

Reaching out my hand, I softly touched his burning skin. I traced my hand around his bare back, across his shoulders and finally his naked chest. I was playing nice so far. I placed both my hands on his shoulders and slowly brought them up around his neck smoothly slipping my fingers up his cheeks and entwining them in his long black hair. I brushed his lips gently with mine. His body trembled both from my kiss and his desperate need to phase. His scent was not completely unpleasant; it had some honey sweet undertones to it. Slowly I slid my hands down his shoulders and leaned over and placed my lips against his tender neck. He shuddered at my touch as I shuddered at the tremendous heat that pumped through his huge veins.

I could do it.

I could end my suffering. I could stop playing nice.

But…then he would never suffer… and that wasn't fair. I wanted him to suffer long and hard.

I lifted my head and looked down into his dark eyes.

"Jacob, I have waited so long to thank you for giving me what I truly wanted all along, with one exception…do you have any idea how your promise has haunted me all these years?" His expression changed to one of shock. As if he had no clue I would even think about his promise. I let out a laugh, "Right! As if I would ever forget!" I practically spat in his face. He tried to shake his head, but I held him fast. "And the second I see you again, you try to kill my husband. What do you have to say about that?"

"I'm so sorry!" His voice was weak and pleading, "There haven't been vampires here in so long, I lost control…Please, I'm so sorry!"

I cut off his words, "I have something I want to share with you, Jacob. Something to help you understand the fear I've held onto because of you." My hands slid back to his feverish face and I locked his eyes in my gaze.

I reached inside and ripped opened the hole within me that had healed over with so much scar tissue. I had no idea the pain I would cause myself as every horrible memory I ever had flowed through me like a river. I screamed at the suddenness of my own pain. I poured that misery into Jacob's quaking body. He howled to the sky pleading for me to stop. I held onto him and watched as tears flooded from his eyes over my fingers, down his copper-colored skin.

Then I felt the electricity in the air, another bolt of lightning was building above us. Then it lit up the meadow with blinding light and deafening thunder. Within the ringing of my ears I heard a voice from long ago.

"_Sometimes we must do what is best to protect the ones we love from ourselves. Don't you agree, Bella?"_ Aro's words had come back so clear and I knew now exactly what he had meant by them.

I broke my connection. While still holding Jacob in my control, I fell to my knees and sobbed. I had failed miserably in my attempts to protect Edward from my fear of Jacob's promise. If I were to take Jacob's life, drain him of his blood I so desperately wanted, I would surely have broken every promise I had ever made. No matter that my family would forgive me, I would carry this failure for all time.

I could feel Edward's presence behind me. He had rushed to within a step of me as I fell to my knees. I stood up using Jacob's shoulders to keep myself steady. His beautiful face was the mirror image of my pain. I was horrified by what I had done. I closed my eyes and felt the tremors of my sorrow mixed with Jacob's.

"Why didn't you come?" I whispered, "What were you waiting for?"

"I couldn't…I love you."

A wave of anger rolled through me and I reached out and slapped his face knocking him to the ground. At that moment, he was lucky to be a werewolf; a human skull would have caved in from the force of my blow.

_Don't use the voice…don't use it! Don't use it! _I repeated in my head until I could speak normally.

"Damn you, Jacob Black." I hissed at him.

He pushed himself up to his knees again, raised his head to face me, "Sam said you were happy—that's all I ever wanted for you."

"Sam? Sam is here?" Had he really come home from Italy? Did he really survive?

"No, he disappeared after…" His head bowed, "He sent me a postcard from Italy and all it said was that he saw you and that you were happy." He raised his head and the haunted look in his eyes was so frightening. "You were right to choose him, to love Edward. I would have killed you—no matter how much I loved you, there are some things that just can't be controlled."

Suddenly, I realized that I was the one who had held on so tightly to his promise. A promise he had forgotten long ago. I looked up into the black clouds and felt the first fat drops wet my face. In the distance I could see the curtain of water pouring from the clouds coming rapidly toward us. Enough water to wash away everything that ever happened in this beautiful meadow.

I touched my forehead to Jacob's as the drops of rain became heavier. His skin burned next to mine. I pulled my voice forward using the deep resonating tones to sooth him.

"Jacob, you will never come to this meadow again, you will never remember anything that ever happened here. You will forget everything you know about the Cullen family and me, it will be as if we only existed in a bad dream."

Suddenly the rain hit us.

I could feel the changes taking place within his body as his brain rearranged his memories. His muscles relaxed and his eyes softened. I ran my hands down his long arms and encouraged him to stand. He was much taller than I had remembered. His face was almost child-like now that so much of the pain that controlled him was forgotten. Here was my sweet Jake. My friend.

I smiled, dazzling him. The smile he returned was one of the most breathtaking smiles I had ever seen.

"Jacob, do you know who I am?"

He was confused by my question. "Well um…no, I'm sorry but I think I would remember someone who looked the way you do but…" He was staring at my face.

"How do I look?"

"You're skin is so…you sparkle! It hurts my eyes, but it's kind of pretty." He smiled again.

"Do you know where you are?" I really needed him to be able to find his way home.

He looked around the meadow and his eyes settled back on me. "Not really. I must be close to home though because everything smells familiar, except for you." His nose seemed to wrinkle involuntarily.

"Dreams are always a bit confusing."

"Am I dreaming then?" He was ready to believe anything I told him.

"In a way, but now it's time for you to go home. You will never see me again, not even in a dream." I pulled my voice forward and released his hands.

"Wait!"

"Go home Jake." He slowly turned and ran off into the trees.

Edward's arms closed around me from behind as the rain soaked us.

"I love you." His whisper sent a wave of lightning racing through my body and I wanted him so badly.

"If you love me…then love me." I whispered back.

We stayed in the meadow making love and sharing ourselves repeatedly, without fear. I was free to give myself fully to my husband. To spend eternity enjoying the feel of his skin, the sound of his voice and the touch of his lips was all I could ever want. The rain poured on us for hours, washing away the past. The clouds began to break up when the sun was just above the treetops.

As the suns warm rays broke through under the dark clouds, it lit up our skin and the rainbows of color we sent off were reflected in each drop of water hanging from the trees and covering the tall grass. It was an awesome sight, even to me.

I looked into my only loves dark eyes, "I'm ready to go home now. " I whispered.

We stood and looked around us. Then within the blink of an eye we disappeared into the forest leaving the meadow as if we had never existed.


	24. Chapter 24

Dear Readers,

You may have noticed a few of your favorite fanfics have disappeared for no apparent reason. It is policy that any fiction rated M can contain adult language, themes and suggestions which does not contain adult/explicit subject matter. I respect their rights to run their site however they choose. So, due to the mature sexual content of my fanfic, this story may disappear without warning. I'm glad to have had the chance to share my fanfic with so many wonderful readers.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Stupid Shiny Volvo driver


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